tigriswolf | all will turn to silver glass - SN fic - R

Title: all will turn to silver glass

Fandom: “Supernatural”

Disclaimer: only Dean and Sam aren’t mine. Title from “Into the West” from Lord of the Rings.

Warnings: takes place after “Bedtime Stories” but before “Red Sky At Morning”; mentions of child abuse, spousal abuse, animal abuse, and non-consensual sex(none pertaining to the boys)

Pairings: het in the past

Rating: R

Wordcount: 8885

Point of view: third

Dedication:

tru_faith_lostfor being a doll and reading over this.

Notes: this story is from the point of view of an original female character. It’s the longest original pov I’ve done, by a whole lot. There is no romance, so please don’t run in fear of a Mary-Sue.

More notes: started for

spn_halloweento the prompt Dean vanishes the night before Halloween and Sam has to find him. Then it shifted, mutated, and evolved. Then it wouldn’t shut up.

Still more notes: CAAWS is a real organization, but everyone mentioned—cats, dogs, humans—is made up. I never specify it, but this story takes place in Baton Rouge. All of the streets mentioned exist, but not in the places I say.

part 1

Kaitlyn took Ra home with her. “You can share Maggie’s food,” she told him. “I’ll see how ya’ll behave tomorrow, then buy you some supplies on Friday.” She reached over to rub his ears; he sat shotgun, sniffing out the slightly open window. “You have to realize, Ra, that it’s her home. She’s been with me through a lot.”

Ra woofed softly. He’d be gentle with Maggie—Kaitlyn knew it.

That night, Kaitlyn made jambalaya. Maggie and Ra lay beside each other in the middle of the floor, forcing her to step over them every other minute. Each of them begged for food, so she dropped pieces of bell pepper. Maggie turned up her nose at the vegetable, but Ra snapped it up with glee and turned sad eyes on her for more.

She ate alone at the table, like every night, Maggie lying on her feet and Ra beside her chair, waiting for her to let something fall. She dropped two pieces of chicken and Ra went for the smaller one.

Kaitlyn shook her head. “You are the weirdest dog I’ve ever met,” she told him lovingly.

After she finished supper, she relocated to the den. There’d be a plethora of scary movies tonight, but she’d lived one, so she searched for something else. When she found nothing she wanted to watch, she put on Surf’s Up, which she’d bought the week before based on the premise alone. Surfing penguins? Can’t really go wrong there.

Maggie snuggled in beside her on the couch and Kaitlyn spread the blanket over them both. Ra lay on the floor in front of them.

Kaitlyn hadn’t seen the film before, and it was as stupid as she’d figured it be, but also quite adorable. As the credit’s rolled, she asked Maggie, “What’d you think?”
Maggie flicked her ears. “Yeah,” Kaitlyn said. “I liked it, too. Ra?”

He snorted and she laughed.

Ra rolled to his feet and trotted to the backdoor, looking back at her. Kaitlyn stood and walked over, letting him out. “Maggie,” she called. “Almost bedtime, sweetie. You need to go?”
Maggie slowly got to her feet and slid off the couch. She wasn’t more than nine, but Rich had left his marks on them both.

Bastard.

Maggie joined Ra in the yard and Kaitlyn swiftly straightened the kitchen, putting the left-overs in the fridge. She took a Semprex and waited; before long, Maggie softly barked at the door so Kaitlyn let her in. Ra was still making his rounds, chasing off ferocious monsters, she bet.

She was exhausted. She opened the door again and said, “Come in now or spend the night out here!”

He hurried in.

Kaitlyn locked the deadbolt and turned off the TV and lights, then slipped into her bed. Maggie settled next to her, but Ra explored the house. As she finally fell asleep, Kaitlyn felt the bed dip as he hopped up at the foot.

Kaitlyn slept in the next morning, only getting up at eight when the dogs whined to go out. She fed and watered them, then fixed herself breakfast.

Rich used to tell her she couldn’t cook worth shit, but he was raised by a master chef. She knew she cooked fine. She wouldn’t win any awards, but did that really matter?

“Get out of my head,” she told his shade. “You’re dead and buried, and good riddance to you.”

Maggie called to be let in; it was a cold morning, the first of November. Frost stained the grass. As Kaitlyn stood looking out the window, she felt grains beneath her bare feet. A quick examination revealed what looked like salt on the carpet by the door.

“The hell?” she muttered. But it definitely wasn’t worthy of pulling out the vacuum. She hated the vacuum.

She called Chris at a quarter till nine. “Still nothing,” Chris told her. “No one’s missing a Burmese Mountain Dog.”

“Okay,” Kaitlyn said. “How long till he’s actually mine?”
“I’d give it a month. If no one’s claimed him by then, I’ll neuter him for you.”

Loud barking came clear through the line and Chris said hurriedly, “Gotta go!”

“Okay,” Kaitlyn replied and hung up.

She spent the day reading. Maggie stayed with her, but Ra explored each room at length, always coming back to check on them.

Late in the afternoon, Kaitlyn tossed aside her book—The Once and Future King—and said, “I wanna read something else.” She slipped off the couch and went to her library; she’d collected books for years. She browsed the shelves, finally settling on Shane. She could read it over and over and over again.

As she padded back to the den, Ra joined her. He hopped onto the loveseat beside Maggie, leaving just enough room for Kaitlyn to squeeze in. He gave her the sadface and she laughed, rubbing his ears.

“Fine, silly boy,” she told him. “I’ll read aloud.”

So she did. He watched her and listened, and she wanted to keep him forever.

“Okay,” she said Friday morning. “Time to get supplies for you.”

Ra wiggled, grinning up at her, and Maggie whined. “No, pretty girl,” Kaitlyn told her closest friend. “You stay here today. I need to see how he is with other people.”

Chris had given Ra a collar, so Kaitlyn used Maggie’s leash and put him in the car. She grabbed her Last Unicorn soundtrack on the way and he whined as it began to play.

“Hush, you,” she laughed. “It’s my car—I’ll play what I want.”

Ra grumbled. Kaitlyn counted that as a victory.

Ra kept close to Kaitlyn in PetSmart. He didn’t seem nervous—rather protective… or possessive, she wasn’t sure. He softly rumbled whenever a man got close.

They’d been in the store for fifteen minutes, Kaitlyn browsing the shelves for fun, when Ra lifted his head, ears pricked forward. His whole body tightened. “Ra?” she asked, crouching beside him. “What is it?”

He lunged away from her, ripping the leash from her hand. He dodged people and baskets and other dogs, heading straight for the door.

“Ra!” she yelled, following. She caught up with him outside, as he howled at the sky. She looked around, but nothing struck her as off, as what might have freaked him out.

“Ra,” she said softly, kneeling beside him. “Boy, what’s wrong?” He nuzzled her shoulder, whimpering.

One of the employees knelt beside her. “Is everything alright, ma’am?” the young woman asked

Kaitlyn wrapped her arms around Ra. “I think we’re just gonna go,” she said. “I don’t know…”

“Did you have anything picked out?” Her blue eyes were worried and kind.

“Um, yeah. On the aisle with large dog food—I have a basket with a bag of it.” Kaitlyn looked at her. “It’s no trouble, really. I can come back later.”

“Just take care of your dog, okay?” the girl said. Her nametag read Elise. “I’ll get your food.”

Kaitlyn sat outside PetSmart for a few minutes, with an armful of whining, whimpering dog. She rubbed her hands up and down his sides, along his back, making soothing noises, calling him good boy and sweetie. By the time Elise came back, Ra had stopped trembling, but he still made those tiny, broken sounds that caused her heart to clench.

“It’s thirty ninety-five,” Elise said, pushing the basket.

Kaitlyn stood and led the way to her car. She opened the passenger door for Ra, but after he hopped in, he slipped into the back and curled up on the bench-seat. Kaitlyn sighed.

She unlocked the trunk and Elise heaved the bag of food in. Kaitlyn gave her two twenties and said, “Keep the change.” She sighed again. “I’ve only had him for a few days, but he hasn’t done anything like this before.”

Elise shrugged. “Maybe he heard something he recognized. My mom got us a dog from a friend of hers who lived in Florida. A couple months after, Mr. Rob drove down. Marco was up and at the door before he even turned onto our street.”

Kaitlyn considered that. “Maybe. I’d better get him home.”

Elise smiled at her. “Good luck.”

“Thank you, again,” Kaitlyn called as Elise pushed the basket back toward the store.

Elise said over her shoulder, “Don’t mention it.”

Kaitlyn played no music on the way home and constantly looked in the rearview to check on Ra. He never moved or made a sound, and she had no idea what to do. He reminded her of herself after Rich—no. Don’t think about that. It won’t help.

She dug in her purse for her phone and hit Meg’s speeddial. She got a nurse who told her Meg was at a meeting. Kaitlyn thanked her and then called Meg’s cell.

“Kaitlyn,” Meg asked as a greeting. “What’s wrong?”

“My new dog is freaking out and I don’t know what to do.”

“Okay.” Meg’s voice took on that soothing tone Kaitlyn heard a lot of, back when—no. “Calm down, Kaitlyn. You will not be able to help your dog if you work yourself into a frenzy.”

Kaitlyn took a deep breath, let it out, took another.

“Now,” Meg asked. “Where are you?”
“South Highland,” Kaitlyn said, stopping at a red light. “I’m heading home. We were just at PetSmart and he heard something, I think. Tore out of the store. And now he’s just curled up in the backseat.”

Meg hmmed. “He’s new since our last meeting?”

“Yeah. I got ‘im Tuesday.”

“Take him home, Kaitlyn. We’ll discuss him at today’s session. You can take care of this dog.”

Kaitlyn nodded, turning onto I-12’s ramp. “Thanks, Meg. I just needed to hear that.”

“You’re welcome, Kaitlyn. I’ll see you this afternoon.”

Ra had to be coaxed out of the car. Once he was, he just stood beside it, head and tail drooping.

She knelt in front of him, meeting his eyes. “Ra,” she said firmly, “stop it. It’s time to go inside now.”

He blinked, then shook himself. His ears pricked forward and she stood up. “Go inside,” she said again.

He slipped around her and went.

At two Kaitlyn got ready to go. Ra had stuck by her after they got home, never more than a foot from her. Once she’d gathered up her purse, she knelt on the floor and scratched his ears. “You need to stay here, Ra,” she told him. “Take care of Maggie.”

He whined and Maggie shuffled over, nosed his side. He turned to her and licked her muzzle.

“I’ll be back,” she said, standing, and held open the door. Maggie went out, Ra just behind her. Kaitlyn locked the deadbolt and walked through the carport, watching Ra sniff the wind and Maggie flop on the concrete.

She smiled as she backed down the driveway. Her boy would be fine.

The nurse, Nicola, greeted her with a bright “Hello” and Kaitlyn asked her about her young daughter.

“Madison’s doin’ good,” Nicola answered. “She’s at the top of her class.”

Kaitlyn wracked her memory—“First grade, right?”

Nicola nodded. “Lovin’ every minute of it, too.”

Kaitlyn smiled at her. “That’s good.”

“Dr. Lebourgeois will see you in a few minutes,” Nicola said, handing Kaitlyn her paperwork. “Have a good afternoon.”

Kaitlyn replied, “You too,” and picked out a chair near the window. She sank down into it, pulling her book out of her purse. She read ten pages of Undead and Unwed before Meg called her back.

The office had been rearranged since last week, but Meg looked the same as ever: an older, pleasantly plump woman. Kaitlyn hadn’t had a problem opening up to her since their first meeting, back when she’d been drugged to the gills and reeling.

“So, besides the dog,” Meg began, “is anything else new?”

Kaitlyn shook her head. “I had a panic attack at CAAWS on Saturday, but I was able to escape the situation.”

“What happened?”
“Two guys came in when I was alone with the dogs. They were big, Meg—bigger than Rich—and young. And I panicked. I was in the kennel with Mac, so they couldn’t have gotten to me.” She ducked her head. “But I still couldn’t breathe.” The familiar shame washed over her.

“Kaitlyn.” Meg’s voice was patient. “You are not stupid, and you have no reason to feel embarrassed. You suffered horribly and you still haven’t fully healed.”

“Am I…” The question made her blush, but she’d been wondering for weeks, and Jackie’s description of phone-boy(Sam?) had exacerbated the matter. “Will I ever be attracted to men again?”

Meg considered that for a moment, her frank gaze causing Kaitlyn to fidget. “Honestly?” Meg finally said. “I don’t know.”

Kaitlyn accepted that with a small sigh. “I haven’t… I haven’t thought about sex since that night, you know? I can barely be around men in a crowd. Alone…” She shuddered.

“It’ll take time, Kaitlyn. You need to be patient with yourself, give yourself a while to heal. And trust yourself, sweetie. You’ll know when it’s time.”

Kaitlyn took a deep breath, nodding. “Wanna hear about Ra?” she deflected.

Meg smiled. “Of course.”

After an hour and a half—spent discussing Ra, horses, The Lord of the Rings, and Mama—Kaitlyn went home. As always, she felt relieved and too full for her skin at the same time. She’d tried describing the feeling to Meg once and gotten tongue-tied, turned around in the words.

There was an accident on I-10, so it took longer to get home than she’d expected, but when she pulled into the driveway, both of her babies were there waiting at the gate, tails wagging.

Warmth spread through her, chasing away Mama’s specter. She always loved coming home.

Kaitlyn finished off the leftover jambalaya for supper and crawled into bed just after sundown. Ra curled up in her arms and Maggie stretched out along her back.

That night, she dreamed of the last time she saw Rich alive and woke sobbing, trembling, begging for him to stop, please just stop.

Kaitlyn buried her face in Ra’s fur, Maggie pressing into her side, and muttered, “He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone.”

Her bedside clock said two-thirty-seven. Kaitlyn knew she wouldn’t be getting any more sleep, so she began to talk. She told the dogs about her childhood, Mama’s helpless hands and Daddy’s roaming ones. She told Ra and Maggie about Kevin, her baby brother who died before his second birthday and how she never ever forgave Daddy.

She talked until dawn and it was cathartic. As sunlight filled her bedroom, she fell into a shallow sleep. The dogs were warm beside her and she was safe, cocooned in her blankets, away from Rich’s reach and Daddy’s touch and Mama’s shameful gaze.

On Saturday, she drove out of town, to Daddy’s father’s land. Grandpa Kent had a lake on his property and Uncle Jake hadn’t sold it yet. Maggie sat shotgun and Ra shuffled in the back, going from window to window. Kaitlyn turned her Evanesce CD up loud and sang along. She hadn’t felt this free in years, and hadn’t gone to the lake in longer.

It was a chilly day: but standing in the sun, it wasn’t so bad. Ra sniffed the air, moving around the perimeter, but Maggie sank onto her belly beside Kaitlyn.

“I think,” she began, fingers dancing along Maggie’s spine, “I think maybe I’ll be fine.” She turned her face to the sky, smiling.

Ra bounded over, woofing, and licked her face, crawling into her lap. She laughed, falling backwards, Ra rolling onto his side next to her.

It was a good day, the best of her life. She only thought of Rich once, fleeting, and then Ra had her laughing again, curled up with Maggie on the warm earth.

Kaitlyn’d not prayed since the first time God failed to save her from Daddy, but she thanked him for Ra and Maggie that night, huddled beneath the thick comforter in her bed.

She woke instantly when Ra growled. It was a foreign sound, angry dog, one she hadn’t heard since the last night of Rich’s life, when he’d kicked Maggie against the wall—

“Ra?” she whispered, and the growl became a snarl. Her clock said midnight and Ra stood in the doorway, facing out into the hall. Maggie was behind him, between him and the bed, and her snarl was quieter but no less real. “Maggie?”

And then Kaitlyn heard it: someone moving in the den.

Someone in her house.

She dove off the bed, scrambling for the phone and Maggie backed up, moving closer to her.

The phone was dead. She’d left her cell in the kitchen.

And it had been such a good day.

“Kaitlyn Kent, you bitch!”

She froze, heart stopping.

“I know you’re in this house! I can feel you, baby doll.”
No.

“I crawled out of the grave just to be with you, and you won’t even come look at me?”

He’s dead.

Ra’s snarl grew louder and Kaitlyn fell, legs collapsing. Maggie rushed to her, planting herself between Kaitlyn and the door.

He’s dead.

“C’mon, babe,” Rich continued. “Gimme a kiss. You know I love you.”

She sobbed, whole body trembling, and pulled up her knees. The room was dark, Ra just a shape at the door, but it got darker when Rich appeared, turning into the hallway.

“There you are, darlin’,” he said with satisfaction, and Ra lunged for him, hitting him in the chest, jaw snapping a hair’s-breadth from his jugular. “Got a new mutt, huh?” Rich laughed. “Guess you didn’t learn your lesson last time.”

Kaitlyn was frozen, watching Ra hold Rich off. He was dead. She’d killed him. She’d bashed his head in with a pot and waited with his corpse until the paramedics came. She’d visited his grave, just to be sure, though she passed on the funeral, too doped up to care.

He was dead. But here he was in her house, laughing. Alive.

The bastard. Alive.

No.

She’d been terrified of him once, and she still bore the scars. He’d nearly killed her and Maggie, but she got him first.

How dare he be here?

“You bastard,” she hissed, rising to her feet. “Get the fuck out of my house.”

One of the doors banged open, but she didn’t pause, stepping forward, fear turning to fury. “You bastard, you asshole, get out of my house!”

He laughed again, kicking Ra away, unheeding of the blood gushing from him. Ra still snarled and Maggie joined him, barking, trying to keep Rich from Kaitlyn.

“That any way to greet your husband, baby?” he asked.

He’d owned her once. Taken his pleasure at will, not caring if she enjoyed it. Kept her bruised and broken. And she’d been his, body and soul, unable to leave.

But no more.

She killed the bastard.

Kaitlyn screamed, letting her fury and pain out through her voice, and rushed forward. Ra and Maggie howled, and Rich fell backward into the hall, all of Kaitlyn’s weight hitting him in the middle, throwing him off balance. She rained blows down with all her strength and the bastard just laughed, rolling over on top of her.

“Wanted to be here again,” he told her, and then someone grabbed him, pulled him away. She was sobbing and shrieking, words coming out of her that Mama would’a washed her mouth with soap for.

In the dark all she could see were shapes, but she heard grunts and curses as she let her own noise taper off. Someone—a really big, deep-voiced someone—was fighting Rich. She held Maggie back, but Ra slipped close.

Rich hit the ground and Ra darted in; Kaitlyn turned on the den light just in time to see Ra tear out Rich’s throat.

Her husband, her tormenter, died a second time with a gurgle. It was far messier than when she’d killed him, but no less satisfying.

Kaitlyn’s savior sank wearily onto the couch. She raised her eyes from Rich to him—that guy from CAAWS, from Adoption Day.

“Are you alright, ma’am?” he asked—phone-boy, she realized. How coincidental.

“Fine,” she said softly. “You?”

He nodded with a small smile. “Just glad I got here in time.”

Ra limped over to Kaitlyn and sniffed her from head to toe, licking her face. Maggie crawled into her lap. “I’m fine,” she told them.

She gathered her thoughts, studying phone-boy—Sam.

Ra finished his examination and shuffled to the couch. He looked up at Sam as the man reached down to rub his ears. Sam stiffened, looking at Ra, fingers closing around the thong on Ra’s neck.

Kaitlyn stood and stepped over to Rich’s body. “Will he stay dead now?”
Sam didn’t respond, so Kaitlyn looked over. Sam’s whole bearing was riveted on Ra, eyes wide, hand cupping the golden charm. “Dean?” he whispered?

Ra nodded.

Kaitlyn and Sam wrapped Rich in one of her sheets; Sam carried him to his car, that same one she’d seen on Wednesday. He shoved Rich in the backseat and closed the door, then walked back to her house.

“I’ll deal with him, Kaitlyn,” he assured her. “You can come to be sure, if you want.”

Maggie stood beside her, lending strength. Ra was between them, ears flicking from one to the other. “Thank you,” she told Sam. “But I’ll stay here. I’ve got cleaning to do, gettin’ that bastard outta my house.”

She dropped to her knees, hand reaching for Ra—Dean. Her dog—Sam’s—bounded to her. “You gotta go with him, huh?” she asked.

He licked her face and she knew he’d miss her. “Go on, sillyheaded boy,” she said. “Go home.”

He went.

Sunday, Kaitlyn stayed in bed with Maggie, buried beneath the covers. She cried on and off, slept part of the time, wondered where Sam and Ra—Dean—were. If he’d reclaimed his true form yet.

She called Chris at noon and asked her if she thought people could ever come back from the dead.

Chris said she’d be right over.

Chris let herself in and crawled beside her pulling Kaitlyn into her arms. “It’s alright,” she murmured. “I’m here now.”

Kaitlyn clung to her, the one human she cared about, and sobbed gasping tears. “Ra’s gone,” she whispered into Chris’ neck. “Gone home.”

Chris rubbed her back but said nothing because words were a useless thing.

On Monday, Kaitlyn called Monica and asked if she could adopt Mac.

On Tuesday, Monica got back to her and said yes.

On Wednesday, after her shift at CAAWS, Kaitlyn drove home with Mac sitting shotgun.

Thursday, Kaitlyn took her girls on a walk. Maggie stayed beside her, but Mac roamed, always coming back.

Kaitlyn had woken every night since Saturday with nightmares, with pleas and curses on her tongue. She wanted to know Ra—Dean, damnit—was okay.

Mac growled and Kaitlyn whirled around. A man stood out of reach, sunlight glinting off the golden charm around his neck. He had Ra’s hazel eyes.

Her mouth was dry. “You’re Ra,” she said.

He nodded and ducked his head. “I wanted to thank you,” he told her, shyly meeting her gaze. “You took care of me. I—I was lost in a dark place, but I was able to follow you out of it.”

She didn’t fear him. Recognized him from CAAWS, and felt no panic settling in. It was new, exhilarating.

Kaitlyn shrugged. “Anyone would’ve done it.”

His smile was beautiful. “Thank you anyway.” He didn’t step forward and so Kaitlyn did.

“Thank you,” she told him. “You took care of me, too. Saved my life.”

He looked over his shoulder and she followed his gaze; the big black car was down the block, Sam leaning against it. “Before you go,” she said.

He focused back on her; she felt only peace. It was so odd, but… she enjoyed it.

“Is Rich really dead this time?”

“Yes,” he answered. “We—well, Sammy—put a silver stake in his heart, cut off his head, salted and burned him. He won’t come back again.”

She closed her eyes, relief taking a heavy weight off her shoulders.

“I have to go,” he said. “I just wanted to see you one last time.”

She smiled at him and Maggie shuffled her way to him. He knelt down, scratching her ears, rubbing her chest. “Take care of her, huh?” he whispered. “Your Kaitlyn is a special girl.”

He stood and gave her one final, glorious smile. Then he walked away, to his car and Sam.

She watched him go and felt alive.

On Friday, after her session with Meg where she talked about Rich for almost two hours and never mentioned his resurrection, Kaitlyn invited Chris to dinner. They went to Olive Garden. Kaitlyn laughed and smiled, and didn’t shy away from the waiter.

“What’s changed?” Chris asked.

Kaitlyn shrugged. “Meg says I’m finally healing, moving on.” She met Chris’ eyes. “I say I’m free.”

Maggie and Mac waited at home, and she had her whole life ahead of her. She wouldn’t let a ghost keep her from living. Not anymore.

continued