poem

Written November 27, 2016

I ask you
once
and you turn away
with no reply.
.
I chase after you down the block
crying
(me or you?)
and you don’t look back.
.
You don’t look back.
You never have.
.
I never learn.
I take it all—
I pull it in
until all I am is your reflection.
.
Have I ever been my own?
Caught in your lies,
tangled in your smile and your touch,
your toy when you think of me.
.
Your toy,
you toy—
I hold my breath,
faint with hope that always flees.
.
You don’t see me.
I ask you
once
and you leave me.
.
I chase after you
tears on my cheek,
tears in my throat,
and I know you’d never cry for me.
.
You’d never cry for me.
You’d never turn back.
You never have.
.
I watch you walk away,
your spine straight,
your steps sure,
and I exhale.
.
I ask you
but once.
A single time.
A single breath.
.
Exhale.
The dirt is cold beneath my knees.
Inhale.
The sun shines.
.
I chase after you
but you’ve never seen me
for me.
I’m just a reflection.
.
I breathe
as you turn the corner.
.
The ground is steady
and the sun is warm
and I shudder in relief.
.
Is this the kindest you’ve ever been to me?
.
Inhale.
Exhale.
You won’t turn back.
I never learn—
.
Exhale.
But time is all I have now.
Inhale.
Exhale.
.
Breathe.

(no subject)

So tonight there was a shooting roughly a block from my apartment that killed one person and injured two more.

I didn't know about it until my older sister texted me to make sure I was alright as though there was reason I shouldn't be.

I fucking hate guns.