Doesn't Seem Like A Beginning - GG fic - PG13

[tigriswolf]

Title: Doesn't Seem Like A Beginning
Fandom: "Gilmore Girls"
Disclaimer: Not my characters.  Just for fun.
Warnings: AU during season 2
Pairings: Luke/Lorelai, Dean/Rory, Jess/Rory; implied Dean/Jess slash
Wordcount: 1065
Rating: PG-13
Point of view: second

“You know, those things’ll kill you.” His voice has forced lightness and you can practically feel how much he wanted to say something else.

You look up, fingers tightening on your cigarette and meet his eyes. You smirk and drawl, “That’s what they say.”

It doesn’t feel like a beginning. It never does.

-

He dumped Rory because she’d fallen for you. Rory dumped you because once she was with you, she lost interest.

Even after, he still didn’t like you. You can’t really blame him. You were a bastard, loved tormenting him. You’d figured it was because you liked Rory, so of course you wouldn’t like her boyfriend. And he’d made it so easy, so very easy.

He wasn’t as smart as you, that was a given; Rory needed a challenge. He’d always been a good boy; you screamed danger in a way that had all mother’s wary. He never needed saving.

Neither did you, but Rory enjoyed pretending for awhile.

-

The new bad boy or the boring old boyfriend—he never had a chance. You smirked, dangling your victory in front of him. You held her hand and kissed her lips and caressed her face, her shoulder.

He watched, eyes hard, fists clenched, but he never made a move. He never spoke to you or her; he avoided you both.

You’d go out of your way to pick fights, but he ignored you. He’d look over you, walk around you, act like you weren’t there.

And that galled you, really pissed you off.

Only once did you attempt to hit him. He caught your fist instantly and held you immobile. No matter how you tried, you couldn’t move.

His green eyes were hard, solemn. “Leave me alone, Jess,” he said softly. “Leave me alone.” He released you and walked away.

So you did. You’d won, anyway. You had Rory and he didn’t. You were smarter, cooler. You’d won.

-

A few weeks later, Rory kissed you goodbye. You told her she’d regret it, that you would never take her back. She smiled sadly but walked away all the same.

He had all the right in the world to torment you as you’d tormented him. No one could blame him.

But he didn’t. He still ignored you, bypassed you without a glance. Pretended you didn’t exist.

That bothered you more than cruelty would have, though you had no idea why.

-

So when he speaks to you with no malice, just an inane comment you’ve heard a thousand times before, you’re entitled to shock.

But you respond in kind.

After, he nods when you pass in the halls. You seek him out for conversations about cars, one of the few subjects he knows better than you. He’ll ask you what the writer meant in a book for English; you ask him to teach you the finer points of basketball.

Rory is never mentioned. He never asks about why it didn’t work.

He made the first move and you have no idea where this will end.

-

Senior year finishes with you graduating at the top of the class. Dean’s in the upper twenty-five percent and you’re proud—prouder than you’ve ever been about anything before.

You could go to any college you want, but you’re content to work at the diner and Wal-mart, to read every book you find, and play basketball.

Rory goes to Harvard and Dean to Connecticut State. You never talk to her, but you hang with him sometimes. Months pass swiftly and become years; Stars Hollow never changes, but the people finally accept you.

You know it’s because of Luke. And Dean.

-

Dean graduates and moves into a three-bedroom house with a large backyard down the street from his parents. He gets two dogs, a mutt and a black lab.

Rory travels the world with her grandparents, finally accepting her aristocracy. Lorelai and Luke finally get off their asses and start dating.

Dean invites you to move in with him, citing plenty of room and independence from Luke, but tells you that you can’t smoke anywhere on his property.

You’d been looking for a reason to quit anyway.

-

From there, it was inevitable. Perhaps, honestly, it always had been.

He’s kind and funny and smart, but in different ways than you. He doesn’t take your shit and he doesn’t underestimate you.

So what if he’s twelve feet tall and could break you in half without really trying? He won’t, no matter how mad he gets. You can trust him.

You can trust him. Before Stars Hollow, you’d never been able to think that, much less say it.

But now you have him. Now you have Luke.

The knowledge feels good.

-

Lorelai and Luke get married in June, a bright summer-time wedding. Rory is her Maid of Honor and you’re Luke’s Best Man.

You finally call him “Uncle Luke” sometimes, and he always tells you to stop.

You almost can’t remember when you didn’t live in Stars Hollow, back in New York with Mom and her revolving boyfriends. You smile and clap Uncle Luke on the shoulder and kiss Lorelai’s cheek. They both pull you into a hug and you realize, finally it hits you—you have a family.

Rory gives you a shy grin and you feel nothing.

You told her you’d never take her back.

Dean strides up and kisses Lorelai’s forehead, also claps Uncle Luke on the back. “Congrats,” he says and catches your eye.

You have a family. You have a home. You could never say that before.

-

You have a home and a family and a life to be proud of. You have a father in Luke, a confidant in Lorelai, and friends who will never betray you.

You have Dean, all you could ever have asked for but never dreamed you would get.

And to think—it’s all because of the girl you both dated, once upon a time.

-

“You know, those things’ll kill you,” he says from a few feet away in the street. He’s slouched, seems uncomfortable. The street light illuminates him but not you.

You smirk and drawl, “That’s what they say,” but your tone isn’t mean, rather wary.

He gives you an almost-amused almost-smile and turns, apron in hand, strides away. You watch him go, and it doesn’t feel like a beginning.

It never does.

Comments

[chaotic-resolve.livejournal.com]

Dear Lord, you're amazing. You need to write more GG fics.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you!

[udontknoowme.livejournal.com]

Wow! I love this! It's teasing me. *pokes fic* This fic is TEASING me with its Dean/Jess implied-ness. You're evil. But in a good way. :)

[tigriswolf]

I've been called evil before. I'm sorry my fic's such a tease, but I'm glad you read!

[piratelf.livejournal.com]

Wow, this blows me away! This makes me UNDERSTAND Jess/Dean slash! This is so perfect! But I have to steal your line and say, it does feel like a beginning! I hope there's more to say about what happens in the three bedroom with Dean and Jess and two dogs and no smoking, (but, I would bet, lots of heat).

But even if there isn't any more, thanks so much for this!

[tigriswolf]

Thank _you_ for reading!

[graceandfire.livejournal.com]

Aww, I really liked this. It's a nice alternative future. I like Dean the most of those three and I like who Jess becomes in this. Sweet and short :)

[tigriswolf]

Thank you for reading!

[delphinapterus.livejournal.com]

So this is another fic of yours where I don't really have much of a background to the show but wanted to read it anyway - and of course I now have to go find the Jess episodes too since I've only gotten a little way through season 1. Anyway, enough rambling, I really love how you've got so much implication packed into this and the way a sort of feeling of contentment builds through the whole thing.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you for reading!

[deerlike.livejournal.com]

I really thought I'd read every Jess/Dean fic on the internet, and then I find this and it's just... wow. It's AU, but it feels so right.

Thank god for my google-fu. And you! for writing this. :)

[tigriswolf]

Thank you for reading!

[deerlike.livejournal.com]

If you ever write more, or plan on writing more, I'll definitely be reading it. ;)