Treachery - SN fic - PG13

[tigriswolf]

Title: Treachery
Fandom: SN
Disclaimer: Not my characters.  Just for fun.
Warnings: AU and speculation
Pairings: John/Mary, Sam/Jessica
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 900
Point of view: first and third

I am betrayal. Is there any other word for me? I leave; over and over I walk away without a single glance back.

And you wait for me to return. You always wait. Sometimes I think that’s all you know how to do. Aren’t you tired of being left behind?

Aren’t you tired of being the strong one, haven’t you wearied of being in the middle? You always pick up the pieces without fail; you always get between us when our tempers fray and our words cut.

You are peace. I am betrayal.

You give and give; you wait for me to give in return, but I never learned how. I never needed to. You were always there. You will always be there.

And I left you. I left you. And I plan to leave you again, after you’ve given up more of yourself.

How can you stand to look at me? To be around me? All I do is cause you grief! 

-

He was Mary’s child before he was yours, the breeze tells him as it ruffles his hair. The scent of bar-b-que and sweat, the glare of sunlight and heat thick enough to cut—this is the life he wanted for his boys, while she wanted them to be painters.

Sam runs around the park with kids his own age, able to make friends anywhere, while Dean watches, a look John can’t decipher on his elder’s face.

Are you worried, Johnny? the breeze asks. You should be, you know. He’s more like Mary than you’ll ever know, and isn’t that a scary thought?

Sam hurries over to Dean and grabs his hand, pulls him into the game. Within moments, they’re both laughing and smiling—and John is glad. For today, at least, his sons can be children again.

-

He was Mary’s child before he was yours, the demon tells him, grinning with its host’s mouth. He’ll be Mary’s until we reclaim him, and his blood—oh, Hunter, you can’t imagine.

He exorcizes it with a smile and relief that Dean’s on his own hunt somewhere. He knows he can’t explain. Knows he wouldn’t dare to explain, no matter how much Dean’s eyes—Mary’s eyes—entreat for something, a morsel of knowledge to share the truth.

He was yours, Mary, he thinks, but he’s mine, now. 

-

Dean never asked, growing up, why sometimes he heard things Dad and Sam didn’t. Why he saw shadows where Sam only saw light or whispers when there was only quiet. Dean never told Dad, never considered it for more than a minute.

How would he start the conversation? How could look his father in the eye and say, “Hey, Dad, you know those things we hunt? I think I might be one of them.”

And then Sam—after Dad abandoned him like everyone else found the time to do and Jessica died just like Mom and little brother came back on the road—decided it was time for nightmare/visions, and Dean realized one of them was channeling the other.

Every time he had his own, he wondered who.

-

He was Mary’s. He was ours. The voices mingle as John floats in and out of consciousness. Mary was ours and her son can’t escape. You lost him, John. You never saw and now—John shoots into awakeness as they howl with laughter.

He’s ours. John slams his eyes shut and tries to remember Mary, his beautiful wife who shone with love and hope and happiness. He strains to recall her voice—and hears only them, chanting over and over He’s ours. 

-

I am betrayal. Is there any other word for me? I leave; over and over I walk away without a single glance back.

And yet—Dean, this time you’ve left me. You’ve left me. You’ve gone somewhere I can’t follow and Dad won’t explain.

I woke to nurses with smiles and doctors who can’t explain. I woke to a spotty memory and weak muscles. I woke to questions that only you can answer and all Dad says is, “He’s gone. He’s gone. He was hers and now he’s theirs, and I failed.”

That’s all he says, Dean. Please—come back. 

-

John knows Mary had pain in her past. Things she wanted to forget and wished she never knew.

He also knows he loved her and she loved him and their boys were the best thing either of them had ever done.

Mary died for Sam. John knows Mary would have died for Dean, too, if given the chance. And even for him.

John’s eyes tear as he listens to Sam cry out for Dean during the night, during the visions he can no longer escape or ignore.

Mary died for Sam because the thing fucked-up but good and went after the wrong son.

-

Dean tries to forget what he used to be because it makes everything harder. The voices whisper of fun to be had and he attempts to lose himself in their soothing tones.

He ignores the memories of a little brother and the hunt; he glosses over the good times they had and focuses on the pain caused by Sam as he walked away.

-

John knows. Sam pretends he doesn’t. Dean raises his head high and kills another. 

-

In the end, there is no such thing as magnificence.

There are only tears.

Comments

[xphoenixrising.livejournal.com]

I was a wee bit confused but that's because it's AU I suppose.

So Dean's special. He gets visions and now he's bad?

[tigriswolf]

Yep.

Thanks for reading!

[orange-yarn.livejournal.com]

OH!

It took me a minute to understand, but now that I do, I really love it.

Great job!

[tigriswolf]

Thank you so much!