I don't even know.

[tigriswolf]

Sometimes, I worry that I’m not as good a writer as I think I am. Maybe I’m arrogant; maybe I’m confused. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m like those people let through American Idol because they’re horrible singers.

You think those people hear what we hear? For them, that’s their normal. For me, my writing is.

But how do I know I’m good? Maybe I’m just delusional. I mean, I can tell I’ve gotten better over the years; anyone could see that. The stuff I wrote in 8th grade doesn’t hold a candle to what I write now. But better does not mean good.

I don’t know what I’m looking for here. I’ve just been in state of mild panic over the past month or so – I’m presenting at a conference for the first time, about my thesis, and I don’t know at all what I’m doing. And it got me to wondering – am I as good as I think I am?

Because I love to write. I love the worldbuilding, and searching for the perfect word, and rousing emotion. For me, that best feeling in the world is finishing a poem. And I still of myself as poet above all else.

So, I guess… I have to believe I’m as good as I think I am. Because if I’m not, I don’t have anything else.

Comments

[dreamlittleyo.livejournal.com]

(1) I know you are not fishing for this here, but I feel like for clarity's sake I have to open up with an observation that you are a FANTASTIC writer. I don't know anyone else comfortable playing with the variety of characters you tackle, and you always handle them so ridiculously well.

(2) I also think that when it comes to creative things (writing, art, music, you name it) it helps to be able to look at what we do and consistently think highly of ourselves. Being able to see our weak spots is obviously important for improvement/editing/what-have-you, but (just to project my own feelings for a moment) I very much doubt I would enjoy art or writing HALF so much if I didn't have an unrealistically high opinion of myself. Does this contradict the part of my brain that is always terrified I'm not good enough? Yes. Is it acceptable to maintain this paradox in my head? God I hope so, otherwise I'm screwed.

I feel like when I started typing this comment I had a coherent point o make, but I lost it somewhere in the paragraph above. Mostly I just think that when it comes to writing, the fact that you love it and you DO it is the most important thing. That you happen to also be very skilled is sort of incidental? Because we can never look at our own work with a balanced eye.

IDK I feel like I veered way off topic there, sorry. Trust me though, you don't have to worry about that American Idol metaphor. Just sayin'. *hugs*

[tigriswolf]

Thank you. Just... thank you.

[caffienekitty]

Dude. You. Are. Awesome.

I'm avoiding the internet right now, particularly Livejournal, because I haven't watched the Sherlock finale yet and the spoiler levels are insane, but I'm doing a spot check on spoiler-safe friends' LJs, which is why I didn't respond right away, and for that I am really sorry. *hugs*

[tigriswolf]

Thank you!

And, yeah, I get avoiding the internet - I haven't seen any of season 3, but I pretty much know what happens because of tumblr.

[caffienekitty]

Yeah, Tumblr and Twitter are pretty much a spoilerphobe's nightmare.

I hope you get a chance to see it at some point. It's airing now on PBS.