tigriswolf | Lady's Sorrow - DA fic

Title: Lady’s Sorrow
Fandom: “Dark Angel”
Disclaimer: none are mine; written for fun.
Warnings: spoilers for everything
Pairings: Logan/Max; shades of Alec/Max
Rating: PG13
Wordcount: 1500
Point of view: third

She didn’t want to tell him, but Alec asked daily for three months. No matter what else happened, no matter how much it hurt them both—he had to know.

Where did you kill Ben?

Finally she told him; screamed it, really, just to shut him up. He waited a week to creep out of Terminal City, took Max’s bike and snuck into the forest, past transgenic sentries and human watchers.

Alec knew it was foolish, a catastrophe waiting to happen, but he had to do it.

Had to see the spot where his brother died.

“Hello,” he said, kneeling in the grass. There was no evidence of the fight, wouldn’t be—it’d been over two years. “My name’s Alec. I wonder if you even knew about me.” He paused, brushed his hand along the ground. “Max explained it all. Told me that you wanted to die. Told me you were what Manticore made you.”

Alec chewed on his lip, searching for words. “The twelve of you left. Just left us behind. Did you ever look back? Think about us?” He laughed. “I used to think about you. They tried to take the thoughts outta my head, to make me a mindless soldier, an automaton. But I guess we had that in common, Ben. Too much thinkin’.”

Alec dug his fingers into the dirt, let his head fall. “You were a killer, Ben. Killed people because you could. Did you enjoy it? Max told me you wanted to end it, but how would she know? How could she?”

He stood in one smooth movement and looked around studying the forest for any hint of the battle. Any evidence his brother—clone, twin, mirror—had died here. Been murdered.

“I used to dream,” he said softly, “of a beautiful woman in a blue cloak. She comforted me, looked out for me, protected me from the worst of Manticore.” He walked to the nearest tree and jumped, grabbed a branch and shimmied up, settled against the trunk. “I never knew who she was, what she wanted from me. Then I just… forgot about her. Until Max told me about you.” He pulled up his knees, linked his hands around them.

“You got a shitty deal, Ben.” Alec chuckled darkly. “I’ve wondered—more recently, now, and more frequently—if maybe it is genetic. Whatever… broke in you.” Now he laughed outright. “See, Ben, the thing is—I’ve had thoughts recently. Thoughts about killing. And I…” He paused, considered how to frame the words. “Ben, I wish I could talk to you. Because…” He sighed. “Just because.” Silent for a moment, he went on, “None of them understand. Can’t. I look at people and I see—blood. Bone. Flesh. I don’t see living creatures, Ben, and it’s all your fault. I see sacrifices for her, your Lady.”

He cradled his head in his hands. “I’m insane and it’s because of you.” He laughed desperately, digging his fingers into his scalp. “I should kill myself before I become even more of a threat to ‘em.”

He dropped out of the tree, landing in a crouch. “Goodbye, brother,” he whispered, scooping up a handful of dirt. “I hope you found peace.”

One heartbeat of silence and then he rushed off through the forest, away from Seattle and Max’s condescension and a city dependent on him and Ben’s ghost.

Four months after Alec vanished, Logan told Max of bodies spread over seven states, bodies with no teeth. Strangled or stabbed, the teeth were eventually found in Catholic churches, left like offerings at the altar of Mary, mother of Jesus.

Max shook her head in disbelief and horror. “I killed Ben,” she said. “ Logan, he’s dead.”

Logan cradled her in his arms. “I don’t think it’s Ben, Max. I think it’s Alec.”

“No.” Max burrowed into his chest. “But why? He never met Ben, never learned about the Blue Lady.”

Logan kissed the top of her head. “We need to stop him before other humans realize a transgenic is killing people.”

“I know.” Max let herself rest against him, soaking up comfort. “I’ll head out in the mornin’. Mole’ll be in charge.”

No one but Logan knew why she left. She followed Alec’s trail along the Pacific coast, then Mexico’s border, up the middle of Texas, through a strip of Oklahoma, and into Kansas. But she never found him, just bodies and questions.

She understood Ben’s madness, but Alec’s made no sense, came out of nowhere. She tracked him as far as she could, all the way to Louisiana—but then the trail vanished.

So she stopped in at a bar on her way out of town, bought a glass of beer. Sank wearily down at a table and sipped slowly, angry at Manticore and Ben and Alec—but mainly herself for not seeing when Alec lost his way.

When Alec sat across from her, at first she couldn’t believe her eyes. He looked just like Ben, even moreso than back in Seattle.

“Hey, Maxie,” he said with a slight smile.

Ben’s smile.

Max swallowed, suddenly nervous in a way she hadn’t been since that fight in the woods—except, she’d known Ben wouldn’t kill her. Just like she’d known he’d let her kill him.
But Alec…

“How you been?” he asked, swiping her beer.

“Pretty good,” she answered. “Worried ‘bout you, actually.”

He chuckled. “Me? Don’t be, Maxie. I’m alright.”

That same lie, the one he spouted every day at Jam Pony, every time he got shot, every time he almost died.

“You know, Max, I never told you this, but I had a name at Manticore.” His smile widened and he leaned in. “Our handlers discouraged it, of course, with punishment. I went by Loki.”

Max frowned. “Loki? Isn’t that some god?”

Alec laughed. “Norse god of trickery and fire. One of the janitors told me about him and I decided that’s my name.”

She studied him, looking for any change beyond the obvious. But he still seemed like the X5 who loved annoying her, the guy who never acted like much of a threat.

But he was a threat, always had been. Because Alec, unlike Ben, would not allow her to kill him. Would not let her beat him, even though she knew he had in the past.

“Alec, why are you killing people?” She really wanted to understand, really needed to know.

“You know why.” His smile was so sweet, so young. “I do it for her,” he said, eyes hazel and huge. “Go home, Max. Look away. Return to your life and those who need you.”

She shook her head. “I can’t, Alec.”

It was like Ben sat across from her, Ben in all his fanatical glory, Ben who wanted everything over. And then Alec shattered the illusion by saying, “If you insist on fighting me, Maxie, you’ll lose. And I’ll go on with my life, but you’ll leave behind an entire city.” His smile shifted into something brittle, something dark. “You’ll leave Logan and Joshua and Cindy. And I’ll vanish into the night; I’ll just keep killin’.”

He reached out, trailed his fingers along the edge of her palm. “Go home, Maxie. Pretend you never saw me. Forget about me.” His eyes were empty, frightening, and she yanked her hand away.

“I can’t.” Tears built in her eyes. “I made you, so I have to stop you.”

His laugh rang out, hollow and brittle and sad. “You didn’t make me, Max. Manticore did.” He pushed back from the table. “Go home. Forget me. Live in your little haven and fuck Logan and go on.” Alec stood and gave her one more smile. “I’m not Ben. You should realize that before you try fighting me.” He walked around the table and stepped behind her, leaned in, whispered, “I won’t let you kill me.” He lightly bit her ear, kissed her cheek. “Remember that, Maxie.”

And he was gone. She sat there until closing, silent and shuddering, then went home.

He stood on the levy, staring down into the Mississippi.

“You think she’ll listen?” he asked.

Ben was transparent, barely there. Alec still didn’t know if Ben actually existed or he’d just lost his mind.

His dead brother shrugged. “If she’s smart, she will. Or has a survival instinct.” Ben smirked and looked at the river, shoulder-to-shoulder with Alec. “Like you said—you’re not me.”

Max kept on the watch for anymore of Alec’s victims. All told, by her final count, there over forty. That smile, that broken and brittle twist of his lips, haunted her dreams. His laughter wouldn’t leave her be. Max couldn’t admit to anyone that she’d let him go without even a token effort.

And Terminal City flourished. Max was their chief, their savior, Logan her consort. She told herself and everyone else that she was happy, content, finally at peace—

Four years after Alec left, Max began dreaming of a lovely dark-haired woman dressed in a sky-blue cloak.