When It Rained - original fiction - PG13

[tigriswolf]

Title: When It Rained
Fandom: original angst
Disclaimer: all mine.
Warnings: language, a bit
Rating: PG13
Pairings: OMC/OFC
Wordcount: all of 370
Point of view: first
Notes: lyrics from "Remember When It Rained" by Josh Groban

Remember when it rained.
Felt the ground and looked up high
And called your name.
Remember when it rained.
In the darkness I remain.

 

 

It rained again last night, not that it matters. Remember how I used to act when the water fell from the sky? How excited, how enthralled…

How naïve.

The rain never heals anything, no matter what Momma told me.

-----

Whenever it rains, I see you again. How you stood that final time. How you nearly smiled, though it quickly fell from your face. How you reached out to touch me and pulled away. How you walked towards her and didn’t look back, even though I gave you everything I ever had—

I gave you everything. And it was never enough.

And when it rains, I still remember how that felt.

How it still feels.

It burns. Aches. So deep inside, I can never find it and cast it away. So deep inside, no pain-killer is enough, because the pain isn’t physical, anyway.

Momma said rain heals. Is nature’s own medication. But not for me.

Not for me.

-----

You were my first. And somehow, that just exacerbates things, makes it all worse. Because I gave you parts of myself no one ever had before, and you still tossed me aside like a used toy.

A used condom.

Trash.

But I know I’m worth more than that, even if no one’s ever told me so, except for Momma—and she doesn’t count. She doesn’t.

And, lord, that hurts even worse.

-----

You never asked my forgiveness. Sometimes, I think you doubt you need it. It’s like you don’t realize what you’ve done, what you did to me. The pain you caused.

The pain you still cause.

I see you with her and it burns, because she’s everything I’m not, can’t be—everything you want.

Like I want you.

Need you.

I need you, and you cast me aside like a used condom and went on your merry way.

Damn you.

-----

I gave you everything I ever had, more than I’ve ever given anyone else. If this is how love feels… but you seem so happy. So joyful with her. Like you never were with me.

You’re happy.

You’re happy with her, and I feel… empty. Cold.

Barren.

I feel used.

Damn you.

-----

And it’s raining again.

 

 

Comments

[tempestquill.livejournal.com]

This was very thought provoking and I love how it centered around the rain and this one moment in time.

I love the rain, wrote something similar to this, because I remember a time when I was out and my fiance and I kissed for the first time and it was raining, which it tends to rain a lot in Washington state, lol. He died. It was years ago and I've coped, but here's the poem. Thought you might like it.

“When it Rains”
By C.K. Blake

Remember me when the heavens open up,
Light glistening through the
Shimmering tears spilling forth.
Hold your tears for heaven,
Hold your tears for me,
And let me see the diamonds
Glistening in your eyes;
The tears you hold
In your memory of me.

Hold fond your memories
As the heavens spill forth from the sky,
My love for you the depth of
The secret oceans of your heart.
The light of the sun
Glowing from your eyes,
As your soul weeps for me.
Save your tears for heaven.
Save your tears for me.

When it rains
Do you see me?
I smile as my every tear
Caresses your sweet and tender flesh.
Mourn me not for the memories
Left to you.
There is no grief,
Except in the moments stolen from us,
Oh but when it rains…

Will you remember me?
My tears from the heavens fall,
The only way I have left
To touch you once again,
To love you with every sweet drop.
As my phantom fingertips
In memory trace your supple skin,
The drops showering upon you,
Always remember me when it rains.

Remember me when the heavens open up,
And my tears shower down on you.
In your memory I live forever,
Your heart my only home.
When it rains remember,
Feel my fingertips once again
As that last time.
And as the tears rise to your eyes for want of me,
Remember me… When it rains.


--------

And Josh Groban is just made of all kinds of Awesome! There just aren't words for him...

[tigriswolf]

Josh Groban is pretty much the best singer ever. I _love_ his voice.

And that's a lovely poem.

Thank you for reading!

[tempestquill.livejournal.com]

Josh Groban is awesome, his voice... There just aren't the words to even begin praising it!

Thanks! Poetry is my therapy. That was a particularly good session.

You're welcome. I really the story. Tapping into emotions is probably the most difficult thing to do in writing, but once you manage it, it's a cinch. Like second nature. It's second nature for you now.

[tigriswolf]

Again, thank you! See, the thing is: I've never been dumped. I've never had a broken heart. So I really _don't know_ where my writing comes from. It just... comes.

[tempestquill.livejournal.com]

Wow. Well you certainly write the emotions convincingly. And trust me, I would know. My first great love, my fiance was murdered, then I dated a guy after him who ended up with my older half-brother, then I dated a girl Morgan, and we broke up over distance and constant fighting, then there was Chris who I dated for 6 months and turns out he's my younger half brother, the curse of being adopted I suppose, then there was Josh for a few years, then back to Morgan, then JC, and that fucker cheated, then back to Morgan, then a fling with Josh, and now I'm kind of considering dating JC's younger brother, and that is really on the tip of the iceberg.

So yes, you write heartache quite convincingly. Keep it up and never lose that spark! It's magic.

[tigriswolf]

Wow, you've had an interesting lovelife.

[tempestquill.livejournal.com]

A few bumps in the road. I'm not exactly bitter yet, but I am cautious. Don't go into anything and put all my hopes into something till I'm sure. Takes a long time for a lover to gain my trust. That probably comes out in my writing with the moments of trepidation that I slip into love scenes. If you look closely enough anyway. LOL.