original fiction - PG

[tigriswolf]

So, my junior year of high school, there was a mandatory retreat where they preached at us for half a day. I wrote this while waiting for the “time of reflection and prayer” to be over.

 

I am not Christian, so I don’t know where it came from.

 

            My word is not your word, and My life is not your life. It is My will that counts, for you are My creation; sing your song and hear My voice—I summon you now. Take heart, child of Mine, for I will not let you go once you call on Me. I will hold you, through pain and suffering and hate and fear. I will wipe your tears and defeat your fears, if you but call on Me. I created you, and this world for you. I shed the blood I took for you; I gave My life for you. I gave the sunlight to shine for you. Will you not follow Me? 

            My word is not your word; Mine is pure, unending till forever has shut its eyes and turned away. My promise never dies; My word never fades. Won’t you follow Me? 

            I created the lock and key of your life; I gave My eternal life so you would be free. I wrote the song of the world for you; My sonnet of everything is yours to keep. The door is never shut to you, the windows never barred. My heart is open, arms held wide—come to Me and be not denied. The music plays for you, if you but listen; the wind and stars dance, and invite you.

            This world is yours, child—created for you! The trees and mountains sway, calling you to join, have you but the ears to listen. My hand is held steady, waiting for you to work up the faith.

            My word is not your word; it will remain strong and pure, till forever shuts its eyes and turn away. 

            This world is yours, My darling child; created for you, by My power and love. I do not grow weary, I never tire. Will you not come to Me? Are you ready? I wait for you; I am ready to hold you, love you, gently kiss away the pain. My arms are wide; you were created for this. 

            Come to me; Heaven is all you have dreamed. I created it for you; open your eyes and see.

            Open your eyes to see.

This is one I wrote early in my senior year, I think. I can’t really remember, though.
Title: Never Said
Rating: PG
Warnings: allusions to child abuse

 

            We never say I love you. Not with our voices and mouths, not with our tongues and teeth. We never say I love you aloud.

            But we hear it anyway, strung from my eyes to yours, strung from your smile to mine. With touches and glances, with kisses and grins, I hear you say I love you every day, though the syllables never pass your lips. The consonants and vowels never form, never travel on the air to my ear, but I hear it. 

            You hear me, as well, with every look I direct your way. 

            We clean the house in tandem, I the kitchen, you the bathroom. We clean the clothes together—never had this much fun with chores in childhood. We work perfectly, in complete harmony.   We can finish each other’s sentences—and even, sometimes, have no need to speak. Our eyes can do all the talking, whole conversations from my iris to yours.

            No, we never say I love you. I don’t know if I could even form the words, though sometimes I feel something in the back of my throat, some half-thought phrase, trying to force its way out. I don’t know what I would do if you spoke those words. I don’t know.

            No, my childhood wasn’t happy, though not as unhappy as yours. I don’t have scars to show for my survival skills, I don’t cry at night. I don’t have any lingering fears of being touched.

            But I have scars on my soul, scars that make saying I love you impossible, no matter how true it is.

            We never say I love you with words, only with looks and tones and touches. With actions that speaker louder than any words could. 

            And sometimes I can see in your eyes that you want to tell me how much you love me, and sometimes I wish fleetingly that you would.

Comments

[pineapplejack.livejournal.com]

I don't think I will ever tire of reading, or be disappointed with, your writings. I love how deceptively simple they are, and this is a somewhat cliched metaphor, but your stories makes me think of 'still waters run deep'.

The first one I found to be a bit chilling [the repetitive useage of 'My' creates an almost possessive and benevolent overtone, and thus capturing the idea that God is the Father of all]. I can also imagine it being quite at home at a religious sermon.

I love the second one to bits [my family is not very vocal about expressing our love]. I think sometimes if you say 'I love you' too many times it becomes less true and more an automatic response; and sometimes action do speak louder than words. But I also believe, it is truely nice to hear those words on the rare occassion, not as a confirmation, but as a comfort.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you so much! These are both fairly old, but I am still pleased with them.

Very good!

[motherlyclucker.livejournal.com]

I've always like your writing. This is actually really good, i didn't know how i would feel about reading something that wasn't in a fandom. I say i love you all the time. And i mean it every time. The weird thing is i don't say it to my family, since i barely talk to my dad, i do say it occaisonaly to my mom and my brother would look at me weirdly and pretend it never happened. Nope, i say it to my friends, because i am their surrogate mother. Hence the Motherlyclucker. But i'm not a christian either (atheist), but i went to church when i was little, and i understand what you were writing. But isn't a mandatory retreat to preach to you about god unconstitutional? I mean, i'm canadian, i have no idea about your constitition (if you are in fact american), but i thought they weren't allowed to do stuff like that? Are you in a catholic school? Oh well, keep up the good work!

Re: Very good!

[tigriswolf]

I attended at Baptist school from kindergarten to graduation. It's actually the reason I'm no longer a Christian.

Thank you so much!

Re: Very good!

[motherlyclucker.livejournal.com]

Oh well, i stopped going to church when i was eight, and then i decided that believing in something that i had no interest in, and there was no tangible proof of it, was stupid, so i became an atheist. My parents don't know that me and my bro are atheists though, they would flip. But i don't care, i will believe in what i want.