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(Be warned - mentions of thoughts of self-harm. I'm better now.)
Hey, y'all.
So, I think the last time I went this long without posting, I had fallen off a horse. This time, it only felt like it.
The day before I took the GRE, I received a comment on one of my fics. That comment really bothered me. My immediate reaction was to either grab a knife from the kitchen and slice up my arms or delete everything I've ever put on the internet.
Instead of doing either of those, I called my older sister and she talked me down.
The next day, I took the GRE and finished two hours early. My preliminary scores, so helpfully given by the computer, didn't bother me because I knew I'd kicked ass on the essay.
A couple weeks later, before getting my final scores or my acceptance to grad school, I learned that I'd applied to the wrong program: I applied as a non-degree applicant because it doesn't require the GRE, and I'd been told that my employers would pay for it, anyway.
Nope. The same lady who told me that informed me that I was mistaken. So, I had to reapply, pay the fee again, and the late fee, too, because it was after the deadline.
Then I got my GRE score: one point too low for anything but probation in a degree program - which means no financial aid, and no assistantship where my employers pay for almost all of it. And I got a three out of possible six on the essay, which made me wonder if I’m not as good a writer as I thought.
I realize that if this is the worst thing I ever have to deal with, I am a supremely lucky person. But October has been a bad month.
I haven’t really missed posting to LJ, either. I’ve been working on one fic for the past few weeks and updating it at Ao3 and ff.net, in-between freaking out about grad school and getting a second job. (And traveling three hours for a game that got cancelled. That was a fun day.) My favorite part of LJ, at the moment, are all my icons. I’m in a sort of funk, I think.
Anyway. Whether or not my employers pay for it, I am going to grad school next spring. I was accepted into the non-degree program and I have an upcoming appointment with someone to talk about classes. My excitement has waned due to all the drama, but once I get past that, I’m pretty sure I’ll be excited again.
So, yeah. The reason I didn’t post anything for most of the month was due to that comment; I’m not sure if it was to punish myself or prove that I could, and I’m not sure what that reviewer wanted to achieve except to make me feel horrible. If that was her aim, she hit it out the ballpark, and I’m glad my older sister answered the phone; my mom and little sister didn’t, and I was increasingly hysterical.
Next, I’ll post the header and link to the fic I’ve been working on. But I’m not sure if I’ll posting anything but links to Ao3 from now on.
Hey, y'all.
So, I think the last time I went this long without posting, I had fallen off a horse. This time, it only felt like it.
The day before I took the GRE, I received a comment on one of my fics. That comment really bothered me. My immediate reaction was to either grab a knife from the kitchen and slice up my arms or delete everything I've ever put on the internet.
Instead of doing either of those, I called my older sister and she talked me down.
The next day, I took the GRE and finished two hours early. My preliminary scores, so helpfully given by the computer, didn't bother me because I knew I'd kicked ass on the essay.
A couple weeks later, before getting my final scores or my acceptance to grad school, I learned that I'd applied to the wrong program: I applied as a non-degree applicant because it doesn't require the GRE, and I'd been told that my employers would pay for it, anyway.
Nope. The same lady who told me that informed me that I was mistaken. So, I had to reapply, pay the fee again, and the late fee, too, because it was after the deadline.
Then I got my GRE score: one point too low for anything but probation in a degree program - which means no financial aid, and no assistantship where my employers pay for almost all of it. And I got a three out of possible six on the essay, which made me wonder if I’m not as good a writer as I thought.
I realize that if this is the worst thing I ever have to deal with, I am a supremely lucky person. But October has been a bad month.
I haven’t really missed posting to LJ, either. I’ve been working on one fic for the past few weeks and updating it at Ao3 and ff.net, in-between freaking out about grad school and getting a second job. (And traveling three hours for a game that got cancelled. That was a fun day.) My favorite part of LJ, at the moment, are all my icons. I’m in a sort of funk, I think.
Anyway. Whether or not my employers pay for it, I am going to grad school next spring. I was accepted into the non-degree program and I have an upcoming appointment with someone to talk about classes. My excitement has waned due to all the drama, but once I get past that, I’m pretty sure I’ll be excited again.
So, yeah. The reason I didn’t post anything for most of the month was due to that comment; I’m not sure if it was to punish myself or prove that I could, and I’m not sure what that reviewer wanted to achieve except to make me feel horrible. If that was her aim, she hit it out the ballpark, and I’m glad my older sister answered the phone; my mom and little sister didn’t, and I was increasingly hysterical.
Next, I’ll post the header and link to the fic I’ve been working on. But I’m not sure if I’ll posting anything but links to Ao3 from now on.