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So, I like need to seriously work on my thesis this summer, right? The latest I can defend if I want to graduate this fall is November something, and while I have all the data, and I have outlines and ideas and stuff, I look at it and just... can't do anything.
I have an advisor, right? She's been there since I started in spring 2013. And I've talked to her in the past, and she's looked over what I had, and she's said it all looks good, that I should keep doing what I'm doing, and I just... I feel like we're having different conversations.
She's forgotten appointments we had scheduled, we almost never meet on time (I'm always early and she's always busy), and then she quit replying to my emails in March. She never called me back when I left a voicemail. I knew she was alive because her assistant was in one of my classes. But we were supposed to meet at the end of the semester so we could hammer out a schedule for me to follow while writing, right, and when I finally decided to email her again (on the off-chance she'd actually stop ignoring me), I got an out-of-office reply. She's fucking not in the country and won't be till August. The email said for all her students to go to this other guy for thesis/dissertation help.
So I emailed him, made an appointment, brought the best of what I have written, and waited for half an hour because he was late. And we talked, and he had advice and shit, and then he mentioned that my advisor is the best person to have for my particular project because she's essentially the rockstar of the field.
Regarding my advisor, I have never felt important. I've never felt like a priority. I've always felt like an afterthought. I look at what I have and I want to talk to someone. Want someone to tell me what to do. Is there some basic class I missed about how to research? How to put all the pieces together?
For a fic, I wrote 20,000 words in two days. I don't even have that much for my thesis after a year and a half of work. I look at what I do have and feel nothing. Except maybe dread.
What am I even doing?
I have an advisor, right? She's been there since I started in spring 2013. And I've talked to her in the past, and she's looked over what I had, and she's said it all looks good, that I should keep doing what I'm doing, and I just... I feel like we're having different conversations.
She's forgotten appointments we had scheduled, we almost never meet on time (I'm always early and she's always busy), and then she quit replying to my emails in March. She never called me back when I left a voicemail. I knew she was alive because her assistant was in one of my classes. But we were supposed to meet at the end of the semester so we could hammer out a schedule for me to follow while writing, right, and when I finally decided to email her again (on the off-chance she'd actually stop ignoring me), I got an out-of-office reply. She's fucking not in the country and won't be till August. The email said for all her students to go to this other guy for thesis/dissertation help.
So I emailed him, made an appointment, brought the best of what I have written, and waited for half an hour because he was late. And we talked, and he had advice and shit, and then he mentioned that my advisor is the best person to have for my particular project because she's essentially the rockstar of the field.
Regarding my advisor, I have never felt important. I've never felt like a priority. I've always felt like an afterthought. I look at what I have and I want to talk to someone. Want someone to tell me what to do. Is there some basic class I missed about how to research? How to put all the pieces together?
For a fic, I wrote 20,000 words in two days. I don't even have that much for my thesis after a year and a half of work. I look at what I do have and feel nothing. Except maybe dread.
What am I even doing?