My body aches to breathe your breath - SN fic - PG

[tigriswolf]

Title: My body aches to breathe your breath
Fandom: “Supernatural”
Disclaimer: not my characters; just for fun. Title from Sarah McLachlan.
Warnings: AU for 4.7
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1000 on the dot
Point of view: third

 

The town burned first, lit up by angelic fire. There wasn’t time for anyone to realize what was happening or to scream; Castiel and Uriel were merciful.

Samhain was not Raised. The Seal did not break. Over a thousand souls were sent to meet their Maker, and Heaven emerged victorious in another battle.

The town burned first, wiped off the map on Halloween night.

Dean knelt at the edge of the crater, silent and still. Castiel stood at his right, Uriel just behind them. Dean knelt, hands splayed in the dirt, watching the smoke rise into the sky. His eyes were dry.

He was cold. So cold. He couldn’t feel anything but the cold.

Castiel placed a hand on his shoulder; Dean flinched away, his only movement since Castiel carried him from Sam’s side. Dean, the so-called angel murmured. We must leave now.

Castiel had carried him twice, now. Once out of Hell and once away from Sam. Castiel, Dean decided, there in the dust, would never carry him anywhere again.

He remembered how it felt, in Cold Oak, Sam’s body in his arms and Sam’s blood coating his hands. He remembered the emptiness. He remembered the cold. He remembered, and he felt that way now, the crater a gaping wound in the Earth, and Sam’s absence a gaping wound in his soul.

Sam was gone. Erased from existence, not like the others. Uriel had taken glee in telling Dean that, before Castiel shut him up. Uriel had been gleeful, like a little bully boy, not like an ancient and powerful angel at all.

Kneeling at the crater’s edge, inhaling smoke, Dean hated him. Kneeling at the crater’s edge, Sam’s absence shrieking, Dean wanted him dead.

The town burned first, lit up by angelic fire. An angel burned second, lit from the inside by one soul’s rage and hatred.

Uriel had no time to scream, but Castiel did. Castiel begged Dean to stop, pled and cried This is not the way! Dean! You are pure—

Dean cut him off with a thought. Castiel burned third.

Dean knelt in the dirt, his fingers trailing through dust, smoke blocking the horizon. He said nothing. He felt nothing but a benumbed cold.

He thought, maybe, he should feel regretful. Ask forgiveness of God, for killing two of his soldiers. After all, they were just. Righteous.

A demon was kept from Rising. Hell was kept from Earth.

Sam was gone. Dean died for him. Dean lived for him. Sam was gone, killed by two angels and their perfect, unquestioned God.

Dean decided, there in the dirt, that he hated God.

Inside him, at the edge of that crater, the second place Sam died, something unfurled. Something dark, not created but instead nurtured in Hell, stirred.

Dean stared unseeing, wondering what to do now. Sam was gone. Dean couldn’t follow him into oblivion. He’d just end up right back in Hell, and Sam wouldn’t be there. Sam wasn’t anywhere.

Uriel’s voice was full of power and conviction when he told Dean that.

The town burned first, and then two angels, and Sam was gone. Really, truly, completely gone, nowhere to be found ever again.

The town burned first, with Sam trapped inside its borders. The town burned first, and Dean wished with all his power he could turn back time, keep it from happening, save Sammy like he always had.

But for all his newfound Hell-powers, time-travel wasn’t one of them.

Dean took a deep breath and slowly rose to his feet. Once fully upright, he rolled his shoulders and back, never taking his gaze from where the town had once been.

Thunder rumbled in the distance, lightning cracking through the sky. Dean breathed, counting his heartbeats.

Dying would serve no purpose. It wouldn’t bring Sam back.

The darkness coiled through his blood. It whispered of what they could do, how to avenge Sammy. How to make God pay.

Dean listened. Stood at the edge of the crater, eyes on the center, where Sam had been, and listened to the darkness murmur with his own voice.

Lightning struck the ground next to him, singeing his shirt. Dean didn’t flinch. Another bolt hit his other side, and a third right in front of him. Dean didn’t make a sound, but he raised his eyes to the sky.

The darkness chuckled smoothly, and kept on talking.

Dean hated all existence in that moment, as the cold melted away, replaced with shearing pain and crescendoing rage. The darkness purred, reaching out to soothe him. Wait, wait, it whispered. Wait, wait. Not yet.

Dean stared at the gray clouds, at the rain pouring down in the distance, and he wanted the world to die. What meaning did life have, without Sammy?

The darkness pulled away in shock. Wait, wait! it shouted, but he shoved it back into that small corner it’d been in since November.

The darkness wanted to wait, to build power slowly, to destroy everything from the inside out, over a long period of time.

Sam was gone, and if Dean couldn’t go to him or bring him back, then he’d just as soon make it so no one else had the people they loved.

He spared a single thought for Haley and her brothers, Lucas and Andrea, Michael and Joanna and Asher, Sarah, Ben and Lisa, and everyone else he and Sammy had saved. They’d die.

But they would go to Heaven, unlike Sammy, who was gone.

Do not, a voice said, deeper than deep, filling the air. My son, do not do what you think of doing.

Dean did not reply, looking back at the crater.

I gave you free will, the voice continued. Do not.

Dean’s hands trembled. His chest ached. Water built up behind his eyes and slipped down his face.

Do not do this. For all the pain, is not the pleasure worth it?

He threw back his head to glare at the heavens.

Dean screamed.

And the sky came tumbling down.

Comments

[henchgirl.livejournal.com]

waaaaaaaaaah!

just...WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!


(and i mean that in a really good way.)

[tigriswolf]

Thank you!

[acidquill.livejournal.com]

*shivers* Damn. This was. Fuck. I really want to say something articulate, but fuck you make it hard. So many lines in this just grabbed me right there:

Castiel, Dean decided, there in the dust, would never carry him anywhere again.

and

Dean decided, there in the dirt, that he hated God.

and

It whispered of what they could do, how to avenge Sammy. How to make God pay.

Hell, if I kept going I'd be quoting the whole damn thing at you, lol. I love the power you pack into your stuff.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you so much!

[noybusiness.livejournal.com]

Trying to respond. Words inadequate. Overload, overload.

[tigriswolf]

*twirls*

[psi-neko.livejournal.com]

Deeeeeeeeeeean. Both sides lost in this one.

I love the emotion, it makes me think of Season 2 when Dean was willing to let the world end because Sam wasn't in it.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you for reading!

[irnan.livejournal.com]

PERFECT.

(you weren't expecting coherency, were you?)

[tigriswolf]

*blushes*

[julorean.livejournal.com]

EEK! Guh. :is ded:

Chilling and super angsty! D: As sharp as a ton of bricks falling on you. And wow, God really isn't all that bright.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you for reading!

[dreamboat-kicks.livejournal.com]

Guh! That's quite the concept that Sammy is just gone, out of existence, in neither Heaven or Hell. And Uriel taking pleasure in letting Dean in on that little fact seems so in character for him.

Breathtaking fic!

Any chance we can get an AU for Wishful Thinking, in which Dean discovers struck-by-lightening-Sam?

[tigriswolf]

Hmm. I really hadn't considered that.

Thank you for reading!

[luveskane.livejournal.com]

WOW just wow. such amazing imagery, I wanted to weep at Deans anguish

[tigriswolf]

Thank you!

[autumn-lilacs.livejournal.com]

The darkness pulled away in shock. Wait, wait! it shouted, but he shoved it back into that small corner.....

and

Dean screamed. And the sky came tumbling down.

Freaking awesome. Neither side wins.

Thanks for sharing this!!

[tigriswolf]

Thank you for reading!

[elizardbits.livejournal.com]

GAH. This was incredible! Except now I think I need a cooky.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you!

[azraelz-angel.livejournal.com]

Oh that hurt to read, but it was beautifully crafted and written.

Thanks for sharing!

[tigriswolf]

Thank you so much!

[aja-evenstar.livejournal.com]

Let's put it simply. You're one of the best writers on this whole damn site.

[tigriswolf]

*blushes something fierce*

[sadelyrate.livejournal.com]

*dances*
Yes, yes, yes!

This is the AU that needed to be written! And that final line is the crowning glory...

*smishes*

[tigriswolf]

The last line was the first thing written. I had to figure out how it came to be, you know? And then tigris_lilsis gave me the second to last line.

Thank you so much!

[sadelyrate.livejournal.com]

You have a wonderful sister there. I'm happy you two cooperated for this, sort of. :)

[charlie-d-blue.livejournal.com]

Oh.

*blinks*


That was ... incredible.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you!

[dream-turtle.livejournal.com]

AMAZING.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you so much!