Inferno - SN fic
Sep. 28th, 2006 06:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tigriswolfTitle: Inferno
Fandom: SN
Fandom: SN
Disclaimer: not my characters. just for fun.
Warnings: long time in the future and, uh, AU
Pairings: Sam/Jessica, John/Mary, Mary/?
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 700
Point of view: second and first
Point of view: second and first
Part 1: Epiphany
For as long as he can remember, he’s loved fire. That, in and of itself, is not so odd. Fire is, after all, beautiful and addictive—entire societies have worshipped it, so a little boy can be forgiven for the obsession.
-
Sometimes, you look at him and you wonder. He is her son, no doubt of that. But where are you? You are not in his face, his eyes—you are not in his build or his will.
You watched her for years, your darling. You never saw her hazel-blue-green-gray eyes turn golden.
-
He studied fire, determined to understand it. He set a few, just to see. Sam watched but never intervened, never told Dad.
Fire killed Momma, he knows. So he should loathe it, despise it, feel a tremor of fear around it, in spite of the need to utilize it to kill evil.
But he loves it, adores the heat and the danger and the entrancing dance of the flames.
-
And he… to his shame, he adores it.
-
He watches It fade and he feels nothing. Not satisfaction, not glee, not even fear at what comes after, because the crusade of his life is ending.
He feels nothing and the flames still dance, highlighting the savage joy on Sam’s face and the weariness in Dad’s eyes.
It’s over. But it doesn’t feel like anything’s changed.
-
Mary’s killer is erased from existence. There would be no point in telling him anything.
So you never think of your questions. Never entertain your suspicions. Never watch him and wonder because he is… different. Always has been, if you’re honest.
But he adores Sammy. And evil cannot love.
You take comfort in that and sleep easily at night.
-
He can only wait until Sam comes to terms and works up the courage. He hopes it’s something he can fix.
The problem is, after November, he should hate and fear it. But he doesn’t.
-
Sometimes, you look at him and you wonder. He is her son, no doubt of that. But where are you? You are not in his face, his eyes—you are not in his build or his will.
You watched her for years, your darling. You never saw her hazel-blue-green-gray eyes turn golden.
-
He studied fire, determined to understand it. He set a few, just to see. Sam watched but never intervened, never told Dad.
Fire killed Momma, he knows. So he should loathe it, despise it, feel a tremor of fear around it, in spite of the need to utilize it to kill evil.
But he loves it, adores the heat and the danger and the entrancing dance of the flames.
-
You wonder. It feels wrong to contemplate her betrayal, but perhaps… maybe she didn’t know.
He protects Sammy with a determination you can only envy. He would die for Sammy, kill for him. And that offers you a thread of hope. Because that is love, and you know…
Evil cannot feel love.
-
-
After Sam leaves, he burns himself. Holds his hand above his lighter and slowly lowers his fist until the flames barely lick it. For a long moment there is no pain. Just a gentle, caressing warmth. But then the fire leaps upward, engulfing his hand and it burns.
He tells Dad it was an accident.
-
He tells Dad it was an accident.
-
You watch him, waiting to see yourself somewhere in him. He has her temperament, her warmth, her eyes, and her smile. But sometimes, only when he’s angry, truly and completely pissed, his hazel-blue-green-gray eyes turn golden.
And you know… you know he is not yours.
-
-
He does not fear fire. He does not hate fire. Dad does, and Sammy… but he doesn’t. Dad lost Mom to flames, and fire stole Jessica from Sam. They both hate fire, loathe the inferno—
And he… to his shame, he adores it.
-
You long to ask him if he feels anything, notices anything. If he knows—
But how can you begin that conversation? He is your perfect soldier, the finest weapon you possess. And he is all you have. Sammy has fled and you must give him a purpose so he doesn’t self-destruct—or something worse.
You pretend to believe him when he says the burn was accidental and you take him on a succession of hunts. Slowly, it seems to work. You see more of Mary and less of the unknown. Without Sammy, his emotions are less strong.
You pretend to believe him when he says the burn was accidental and you take him on a succession of hunts. Slowly, it seems to work. You see more of Mary and less of the unknown. Without Sammy, his emotions are less strong.
And it’s easier to pretend he’s yours.
-
-
And finally, Dad kills The Demon, the fire-thing that killed Momma and normalcy and every possibility of happily ever after.
He watches It die, flames devouring It, turning It to ash and then even less than that.
He watches It fade and he feels nothing. Not satisfaction, not glee, not even fear at what comes after, because the crusade of his life is ending.
He feels nothing and the flames still dance, highlighting the savage joy on Sam’s face and the weariness in Dad’s eyes.
It’s over. But it doesn’t feel like anything’s changed.
-
After… you cut off all thought of ever bringing it up.
Mary’s killer is erased from existence. There would be no point in telling him anything.
So you never think of your questions. Never entertain your suspicions. Never watch him and wonder because he is… different. Always has been, if you’re honest.
But he adores Sammy. And evil cannot love.
You take comfort in that and sleep easily at night.
-
He notices when Sam starts looking at him differently. Wonders. Sam’s dreams have been hard, the worst since Mom and Jessica’s killer died. Sometimes, Sam looks like he’s going to ask something or speak of what’s bothering him, but always savagely cuts himself off.
He can only wait until Sam comes to terms and works up the courage. He hopes it’s something he can fix.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-29 01:30 am (UTC)I had a similar idea a few months ago and I've been hoping someone would write this. And you did it in such a stark, grim way. Yay!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-29 02:05 am (UTC)Stark and grim. That's me!
Oh, the ep was _SO_ good!