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tigriswolf
Title: blame has a name that will not be spoken
Fandom: “Supernatural”
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Adrienne Rich
Warnings: AU for “Born Under a Bad Sign”; everything else follows the same
Pairings: um… none stated?
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 385
Point of view: third
Notes: sequel to “the holy lost”
More notes: all because of
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dreamlittleyo
In his nightmares, it wears him like a cheap suit and he’s shouting at Dean to know it’s not me, Dean, oh god, can’t you hear me? Dean, Dean, Dean—and it laughs, it laughs so loud, and there’s something he’s missing, some vital piece of the puzzle, some major clue that will—will—
He doesn’t know what. But he knows that Dean knows.
Dean is quieter than he’s been since his confession to Sam about Dad’s final words. The flinches are subtle but there, and each one screams at Sam that something is so very wrong. Sam’s body beat the crap out of him, so it’s to be expected, but there’s something else, too.
He tries to talk to Dean about it; they have to lay it out in the open so it doesn’t fester, so that the shame and the regret will bleed and run and heal. Sam’s sorry, so very sorry, and he needs Dean’s forgiveness for whatever he did in that gaping blank in his memory.
He remembers Steve Wandell. He remembers Jo. He remembers that motel room, when he sucker-punched Dean, first with a request to kill him and then with a gun to the head. But there must be something else, something terrible and horrible, because demons do shit like that, and Dean is not talking.
In his nightmares, it whispers, Go to sleep, Sammy-boy. Time for the big kids to play, and he wakes up in Dean’s impala, to it saying, Man, your brother’s a good guy, ain’t he? What will it take for him to fuckin’ kill you?
Dean tries to act normal, jokes and rambles and complains. But Sam’s known him for twenty-three years, and he knows Dean’s act as an act. A good one, yeah, but still just pretend.
What happened during that blank? He needs to know, but he doesn’t want to know—and yet, he has to know.
And finally, finally, as he’s dying in Dean’s arms, stabbed in the back by his own act of mercy, the blank is filled as memories go flashing through his mind, and he hears that fucking demon laughing, and then Dean, oh, damn it, shit, Dean—and Sam wants to say he’s sorry, so very sorry, for what the demon did, and Yellow-Eyes, and dying…
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(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-03 01:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-03 02:50 am (UTC)Thank you for reading!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-03 02:43 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-03 02:52 am (UTC)*whistles innocently*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-03 04:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-04 12:41 am (UTC)*is not the least bit evil*
*honest*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-03 04:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-02-04 12:42 am (UTC)I'm glad you like it!