where no man's name is written yet - SN ficlet - PG, gen

[tigriswolf]

Title: where no man's name is written yet

Fandom: “Supernatural”

Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Gilgamesh.

Warnings: spoilers for up to 4.16

Pairings: none

Rating: PG

Wordcount: 465

Point of view: third

Notes: forlucywiggin, who wanted super!special!Sammy

 

 

 

“I didn’t win,” Sam says. “I died.”

 

“Yeah,” the demon laughs. “But you killed the champion.”

 

o0o

 

It doesn’t hurt anymore. Exorcising a demon, killing a demon—all the same, and pain-free.  Easy. Satisfying in a way nothing else has ever been.

 

Castiel stares at him with wide eyes. Dean is unconscious on the floor, blood still dripping from… everywhere, it seems like.

 

“Can you heal him?” Sam asks quietly, going to his brother, reassuring himself in Dean’s gasping breath.

 

“I cannot,” Castiel answers, actually sounding regretful.

 

“Then get the fuck out,” Sam commands. 

 

With one lingering look at Dean, Castiel goes.

 

o0o

 

He can’t turn it off. A part of him doesn’t want to.

 

Maybe this is always where things were headed, he ponders, waiting for Dean to wake up. And maybe it doesn’t matter anymore.

 

It is what it is. He is. Demons running scared, angels warily watching him, the bastard whose name Dean whimpered in sleep and never mentioned awake dead.

 

“’am,” Dean mumbles, tongue clumsy and voice thick.

 

“I’m here,” he answers, fingers barely pressed against Dean’s wrist. “I’m fine.”

 

Dean slips back under and Sam doesn’t go get the doctor. He just sits there, listening to the rasp of the machines, thumb over Dean’s pulse.

 

o0o

 

I’m still me, Sam wants to say, when they don’t talk about it. It’s always been there. I just didn’t know how to call on it. Control it.

 

They should talk about it. Sam should tell Dean everything. Sam should know whatever Dean does, that he begs at night for Dad to forgive him. They should air everything for real, so that they can move past it. Become who they were before Hell. 

 

They don’t. Secrets and lies, angels and demons, Lilith and Alistair’s memory and Azazel’s blood.

 

And Sam is.  Regretful and powerful and so damn tired of being chosen and fated and whatever else both sides have planned.

 

o0o

 

Dean is leaning on the hood of the car, face turned up to the sun, eyes closed, and he looks so young. Sam watches, weighing and measuring, determining how things can go now.

The demons either want to kill him or worship him, depending on the day. The angels want him on their side or they want him dead, depending on the hour.

 

And Dean just wants his little brother back, the one he sold himself to Lilith for.

 

That boy is dead. Sammy burned to ashes in Hell, lit aflame by Dean’s screams. Sam remains, though.  Sam, the one who killed Azazel’s champion. 

 

I’m still me, Sam wants to tell him. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of everything, Dean. 

 

He’ll win this war and let Dean live out his days however he wants. And it doesn’t matter who gets in the way.

Comments

[lucywiggin.livejournal.com]

That was awesome:) Thank you!

[tigriswolf]

I'm glad you like it!

[pixel-0.livejournal.com]

I really liked this one. It had this dark undertone to it, but I like how it ended sort of optimistically...in a threatening sort of way (if that even makes sense). :)

[tigriswolf]

*hee* Yay! That's what I was going for.

[rojaji.livejournal.com]

omg yes.

*sniffles*

[tigriswolf]

Thank you!

[irishka1205.livejournal.com]

That's perfect. You really got into Sam's head there. Great job!

[tigriswolf]

Thank you so much!

[sadelyrate.livejournal.com]

*heeeee*

Sam, Sam, Sam... this rings so true, love. So very, very true. In all the possible ways.

*smishes the awesome fic*
*adds to personal canon*

[tigriswolf]

*dances*

[labseraph.livejournal.com]

Who ... definitely echoing the feel of the season. Beautifully done.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you!

[caffienekitty]

Oooooo.... very... wow. Yeah. *nods*

[tigriswolf]

*twirls*

[dreamlittleyo.livejournal.com]

*absolutely adores* Been waiting for a chance to read that one for over a week now. Beautiful work!

[tigriswolf]

Why a week?

Thank you!

[dreamlittleyo.livejournal.com]

Because we've officially entered that beautiful portion of the semester that tries to kill me dead. Long paper draft the second is due in a week, and my big UCC Sales group project was due last Friday.

But good fic? Good fic makes EVERYTHING better. I just end up having to wait ages to read things that I don't read immediately upon clicking.

Also? The remaining half Vertiginous 2 finally has an outline! *flails* Dude, I was starting to despair of EVER figuring out where that story wanted to go! (And let me TELL you how badly I want to eschew my classes for the week and just sit around WRITING now that I finally know *is excited*)

[tigriswolf]

I reread the bit you sent me the other day. I still feel really bad for poor Cam.

*dances the dance of joy*

[dreamlittleyo.livejournal.com]

Man, I feel downright GUILTY over Cam. Poor dude was in the wrong place at the wrong time and never saw it coming. Oh, Dean, waitta multitask: existential incest freakout AND breaking some poor guy's heart at the same time.

Also, in the course of editing through that stuff again I realized I called Cam something else entirely in one paragraph - um WUT? Stupid brain.

[tigriswolf]

Don't forget! You could always write something from his pov to make up for it.

*innocent eyes*

[dreamlittleyo.livejournal.com]

GOD but you're an enabler! DID YOU KNOW? (And possibly a masochist what with my existing propensity to get completely sidetracked from the things I owe people by NEW SHINY PROJECTS).

I shall certainly give Cam more thought. Who knows, maybe he crosses paths with Dean again. Later. Like YEARS later. *cough*

[tigriswolf]

*smirkity smirk smirk*

[lynzibell.livejournal.com]

My heart is bleeding for him!! i want to yell at him to stop being a Winchester and be Dean's brother!!!!

[tigriswolf]

Thank you for reading!

[ficwriter1966.livejournal.com]

Whew - this one is intense! I love this bit:
"The demons either want to kill him or worship him, depending on the day. The angels want him on their side or they want him dead, depending on the hour."
There's so much going on with Sam now - it seems like something huge that's growing bigger by the minute. It's nice to see a look at that from Sam's POV.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you so much!