second place - Surrender Dorothy ficlet - PGish

[tigriswolf]

Title: second place

Fandom: Surrender Dorothy

Disclaimer: not my characters

Warnings: movieverse; I’ve yet to read the book

Pairings: Shawn/Adam

Rating: PGish

Point of view: third

Wordcount: 500

 

 

"I know," Shawn whispers while Adam is asleep, gently running his fingers through Adam's curly hair.  "I know that I'll never be what she was. But I—I'm willing to give you all of me. I just wish it was enough."

 

He presses a gentle kiss to Adam's forehead and then slips out of bed. Walking down the hall to the kitchen, he glances at the pictures on the wall—Sara and Adam, Sara and her mother, Sara and Maddy and the baby, Sara and Peter, Sara and Sara and Sara.

 

Sara is a physical presence in their apartment.  Her ghost is always there.  Those few hours Shawn knew her, he did like her, but now?  Now he's growing to hate her, and Adam would never forgive him for it. Sara is still everything, the sun and moon and sky, still Adam’s muse. Still Adam’s true love, soul mate, what the fuck ever. 

 

Shawn can’t compete. And he’s growing tired, so fucking tired, of trying. It’s been over a year, but Adam still talks about Sara like she’s right around the corner, like if he waits long enough, hopes hard enough, she’ll walk in the door.  He actually calls Natalie every Wednesday at seven in the evening to trade Sara stories. Every word he writes is to Sara, about Sara, dedicated to Sara’s memory.

 

Standing in the kitchen, sipping his coffee, Shawn stares at Sara’s picture on the fridge. He’s been waiting for the Adam he first met, the Adam who invited him on that trip, the Adam who apparently died with Sara to come back, but he knows now he’s been waiting in vain.  

 

He’s so tired of sharing an apartment with two ghosts. Tired of putting his life on hold for a woman he barely knew. He’s still young, with a future. He doesn’t want to be tied down forever, chained to a dead woman and a man who can’t let go. And Shawn does feel guilty for that, but even Natalie has returned to her life. Why can’t Adam?

 

Shawn sighs, places his empty mug in the sink, and returns to the bedroom. They’ve only had sex a few times since Sara’s death, when Adam wanted to be fucked hard to feel alive. And Shawn has no problem with that, but he misses when Adam used to want to make love. He actually called it that. The first partner Shawn ever had who did. 

 

Adam is stretched across the bed, tangled in the sheets, Sara’s diary dangling from his fingers.  Shawn reaches down to lightly touch his face. “I’m sorry,” he says softly. 

 

“Sorry for what?” Adam asks, arching up in a stretch and yawning.

 

Shawn lets his hand drop. He heads for the dresser and grabs his favorite pair of jeans, pulls them on. “I gotta head out for awhile,” he answers. “I’ll be back later.”

 

“Okay,” Adam says, dropping back down onto the bed and wrapping his arms around Sara’s diary.

 

Shawn goes apartment hunting.

Comments

[tigris-lilsis.livejournal.com]

This is lovely, and makes my heart hurt for Shawn and Adam. Good job, pup.

[tigriswolf]

Why, thank you, cub.