Do You Wave or Drown? - SN fic - PG13

[tigriswolf]

Title: Do You Wave or Drown?
Fandom: SN
Disclaimer: Not my characters.  The poem is "Not Waving, But Drowning" by Stevie Smith.  I wrote this purely for fun.
Warnings: pre-pilot
Pairings: none
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 630
Point of view: dialogue
Notes: Sam is the speaker in italics. The ellipses (...) signify a Look or pause in speech.

Dean?

What, Sam?

There’s this poem—

No.

What?

No. You’re fifteen—you don’t need my help with schoolwork anymore.

But it doesn’t make any sense!

It’s a poem, Sam. They’re not meant to make sense.

…

Stop looking at me like that.

…

Sam!

…

Fine, give me the freakin’ book. Which one is it?

That one—“Not Waving, But Drowning” by Stevie Smith.

Oh, yeah, I remember that one. What don’t you get?

Any of it! First it’s third person, then suddenly it’s first? And dead men don’t moan!

…

Okay, fine, some do. But most don’t. And she doesn’t use proper punctuation, so it’s hard to follow.

You really don’t get poetry, do you.

No!

*sigh* Read the poem aloud, Sam.

Nobody heard him, the dead man, 
But still he lay moaning: 
I was much further out than you thought 
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking 
And now he's dead 
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way, 
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always 
(Still the dead one lay moaning) 
I was much too far out all my life 
And not waving but drowning.

Now, what don’t you get?

What… so, he’s in the sea, and he’s waving at the shore, except he’s actually waving for help, not saying hello? And then, the guy is her, the narrator, and his heart gave out ‘cause the water’s so cold, and he’d always been asking for help but no one heard?

… Oh, boy.

Dean?

You are far too literal.

Um… thanks?

It’s all about masks, Sammy. All about things no one ever actually says, but if someone looks deep enough it’s blindingly clear. “Nobody heard him, the dead man/But still he lay moaning”—she’s saying that he’s dying in plain sight, dying inside, and no one sees, but he’s still calling for help.

Oh… so he’s not actually in the sea?

*sigh* No.

So, the next part? “I was much further out than you thought/And not waving but drowning.”? Same thing, right?

Yep. Now, the narrator is making it personal, showing that she’s drowning inside herself, in all the lies and acts, and all her happiness on the outside is just a mask. But no one notices.

Oh… but then the second verse?

Stanza, little brother.

Okay, the next stanza.

Sarcasm is unbecoming of all who are not me.

Bite me.

I’d prefer not to, thanks. You probably don’t taste all that good.

… Dean.

Right, right. The second stanza is showing that the guy was always happy, go-lucky, just a nice guy who loved having fun. Except, he really wasn’t.

Masks.

Yahtzee. So, did he kill himself? Not a clue. But somehow he died, either really or just his love for life.

I hate poetry.

Poetry hates you.

Good to know.

And so, the last stanza, she’s saying that the world was always so cold, and she’s still dying. She was always on the wrong path, but no one knew, because she acted so happy. You know? Her mask was so perfectly crafted, so flawless… no one, even her closest friends or family could see.

…

What?

… You really like this poem, don’t you.

*shrugs* S’alright, little brother. You get it now?

Yeah… I think so.

Good. Now get out of my room.

Dean… we’re doing “The Hollow Men” by TS Eliot next.

Not a chance.

Please?

No.

…

I will smack you, Sam.

…

Get out, now. Maybe if you beat me at sparring later, I’ll think about it.

But I never beat you.

*smirks*

Bastard.

Hey, I helped you with the evil poetry, Sammy-boy.

*door slams*

Comments

[waka7.livejournal.com]

Hope Sam(my)--or anyone--hears/notices before it's too late.

[tigriswolf]

Don't worry--I'm sure Dean finally rights himself. And by the end of season 1, I'm certain Sam(my) finally notices.