Absolution - SN fic - PG13

[tigriswolf]

Title: Absolution
Fandom: SN
Disclaimer: Not my characters. Just for fun.
Warnings: AU for “Dead Man’s Blood”
Pairings: none
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 710
Point of view: third
Notes: The tenses vary, sorry.

 

After, John never could forgive himself. When he wasn’t planning on how to fix things, he lamented what been taken, stolen from him into the night in one horrific moment of blood and pain.

His sons. His wonderful, beautiful boys, two of the greatest men he’d ever known.

He’d fucked up but good and they paid the price, just like they always had. He’d been so sure of himself, so secure in his knowledge and skills—oh, he’d always known pride goes before a fall, but now the knowledge tastes bitter on his tongue and he has nowhere to turn for absolution.

-

If they really wanted him, they would find him, no matter what precautions he took or how well he hid.

Dean had been one of the best hunters the world had ever forged in blood and fire. Sam followed close behind, despite his protestations to the contrary.

And now—their skills are aided by their supernatural abilities, and John wonders if they find that just as ironic. When it hit him, that realization, he nearly passed out because of the laughter.

They were what they always hunted, and now they’re the best hunters in the world.

-

After, John took out the entire nest of vampires.

Sam and Dean watched from the shadows, eyes glowing, and did not move. They did not speak or acknowledge the death of their sire, except for a nod when John turned to look at them.

“Boys,” he whispered, still unsure if they’d really been turned or it was just a horrible trick.

Dean stepped forward, in front of Sam. “Dad,” he said.

And John knew. He raised the crossbow with the arrow tipped in dead man’s blood and Dean smiled. Sam made a move and Dean reached behind to grab him.

“Dad,” Dean said again. “I don’t want to hurt you. Despite everything, you were good to us. You taught us well.” He smirked and stepped forward again. “We can still hunt, you know. We still want vengeance. We have the colt and the bullets, and we’re near damned invincible.”

John lowered the crossbow and stared into Dean’s eyes. In spite of everything that had changed, they still were Mary’s. And that struck John as horrifically unfair.

“We’re leaving, Dad,” Dean said and Sam melted back into the shadows. “We’ll let you know when it’s done.”

Dean turned his back on his father and John knew it to be the only chance he’d ever get. But Sam was somewhere close by and if John raised the bow, he’d be dead.

He almost took the chance. His fingers tightened on the trigger and Dean looked over his shoulder. “Goodbye, Dad,” he said and followed his brother into the night.

-

Dawn rose and his boys were long gone. And he had a new quest.

Instead of vengeance, he had to find salvation and bring back his sons.

-

John visited Lawrence one final time, a year after Dean and Sam changed.

He walked to the cemetery, full moon shining overhead, and knelt before Mary’s grave. On the dirt rested two roses: one blood red and the other snow white.

John smiled.

Perhaps, he realized then, there was hope yet. Somewhere, possibly, Mary’s boys still lived.

He felt eyes watching him and raised his head, met Dean’s gaze. Sam stood beside him.

“Hello, boys,” John said and Dean nodded.

“We’re close,” Sam told him. “It’ll be over soon.”

“And then?” John asked, almost wishing for a weapon.

“And then,” Dean said softly, “I expect you to do what needs to be done.”

Sam shifted but didn’t speak.

“What if I can’t?” the father in him begged.

“Then you will die,” Sam answered.

John nodded and they were gone.

-

He knows he’s going to die. He can’t look at them and make a killing blow.

In his heart, despite what his mind knows, Dean is still a laughing four-year-old and Sam a smiling baby. No matter what they’ve become, they’re still Mary’s sons, and he’s not strong enough to destroy them.

He knows he’s going to die. But he doesn’t know if he’ll wake after and have eternity.

And he doesn’t know which he wants.

He asks for absolution, but he doesn’t know who he’s begging.

Comments

[merrycontrary.livejournal.com]

Very nice. I love that they continued to hunt, and that they expected John to kill them once it was done. So painfully true to themselves.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you!