Today - SN fic - PG

[tigriswolf]

Title: Today
Fandom: SN
Disclaimer: Not my characters. Just for fun. 
Warnings: spoilers for season 1 
Pairings: Mary/John, Sam/Jessica
Rating: PG
Notes: The bold-italics is Johnny-boy. 
Wordcount: 616
Point of view: first and third

 

I went to Missouri and I learned the truth.

-

Dean fell…

… and Sammy wasn’t there to catch him anymore.

-

She ‘lifted the veil’, she said, showed me what lay out in the darkness. Told me of evil, the true evils that stalk the world.

Evil that stole Mary, came in and took her from me…

Told me how such things can be fought, how someone can stalk them back.

-

Sam happily went to school and learned useless shit Dean knew he’d never need to know.

Sam happily dated that blond—Jessica, Dean’d learned her name was, and, damn, didn’t she look just like Mom?—and pretended he didn’t know how to exorcise a poltergeist or fire a gun.

Sam happily erased Dad from his life.

Sammy was gone.

-

The boys are mine as much as they’re Mary’s, and they need to know. I can’t let them walk in the world without the knowledge of what’s out there. I can’t risk that they’ll be taken like her.

I know you wouldn’t want this, Mary. I know I’ll probably hate myself before the end.

But it doesn’t matter.

-

Today is the Fourth of July. Dean walks around the town, watching the celebrations with envious eyes.

Sam’s in California. Dean wonders if he ever looked back.

Dad’s in Maine. Dean wonders if he knows what day it is.

Today is a celebration of freedom. Dean doesn’t know what that is.

-

I don’t know how this’ll end. Where we’ll be—hell, even where I’ll go when I die.

I want to see you, Mary. I want to feel you again. I want to hear your laughter and taste your lips and run my hands through your hair. I want to watch you dance with Dean and tickle Sam and smile at me.

I want you back… but Missouri says you’re gone.

All I have is your sons. I wonder if you’ll hate me for what I do to them.

-

Today is Christmas. Jessica’s been dead for over a month, now. Dad hasn’t called. Sam hasn’t told Dean about his nightmares and Dean hasn’t told Sam about many things.

Today is a celebration of salvation, but neither of them feel saved, despite how often Pastor Jim tried.

Their father could be blamed, if one ever chose who to yell at over the state of their souls.

-

Dean takes to the training like a duck to water, Mary. He tries to do everything I ask.

He hasn’t yet realized it’s not a game.

-

Today is March 7 and Dean is dead.

Tomorrow is March 8 and seems so far away.

-

Sam, though, Mary, he’s like me. He fights every step of the way—he’s my mirror, I see that. He wants to please me, but he also wants to know why. He won’t accept because I say so or you don’t need to know.

Sometimes I want to strangle him, but Dean always coerces him into listening.

If Sam is mine, Dean is yours.

Have I made a mistake, Mary?

Missouri told me what stalks the world. I can’t turn back.

Sometimes, I wish I’d left them somewhere safe. Somewhere away from the fight.

-

Today is November 2 and twenty-three years ago Mom died.

Dean remembers, but Sam doesn’t. Dean knows, and Sam thinks he can fathom because Jessica died a year ago.

Dean could explain. But Sam doesn’t want to hear.

The roar of fire still echoes in both their ears.

-

Mary… forgive me.

I’ll see you soon.

-

Today is January 1. A new beginning.

-

Dean fell…

… and Sammy used telekinesis to soften the landing.

Comments

[iamstealthyone.livejournal.com]

There’s so little happiness for the Winchesters. *whimpers*

I like how you threaded John’s thoughts through here. Poor guy really wanted what was best for the boys, although I think he took things too far.

Favorite lines:

I can’t let them walk in the world without the knowledge of what’s out there. I can’t risk that they’ll be taken like her.

I know you wouldn’t want this, Mary. I know I’ll probably hate myself before the end.

But it doesn’t matter.

This totally feels like John to me. He thought he was doing what was best for his boys, helping them learn how to protect themselves if evil came calling again.

Of course, he also wound up exposing them to tons of evil … Yeah, I imagine Mary wouldn’t be thrilled about this.

Sam’s in California. Dean wonders if he ever looked back.

Dad’s in Maine. Dean wonders if he knows what day it is.

Today is a celebration of freedom. Dean doesn’t know what that is.

Love those lines. Beautifully written. Sam off trying to be his own man, John lost in his own pain, and Dean unable to separate himself from Sam and John, even when they’re all miles apart.

Nicely done.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you! This is one of my own favorites. I went on a John kick a while back(these are all a few months old) and I'm glad they all worked.