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tigriswolf.
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Title: Soldiers find wars
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from John Donne
Warnings: post-film; AUish for Clint's backstory
Pairings: Loki/Clint
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1460
Point of view: third
It's been four and a half months since the Battle of Manhattan and Earth learning that, not only was it not alone in the universe, it was completely outgunned in every possible way.
It's been four and a half months since Captain America came back from the dead, since superheroes popped out of the woodwork, since Hulk became popular and adored.
It's been four and a half months since blue poured into Clint and swept him away. Since he attacked SHIELD on the behalf of its enemy, and led said enemy straight to its floating fortress, and nearly took it down.
It's been four and a half months, and no one's let him forget it – like the survivors think they can punish him better than he could himself.
It's been four and a half months, and he's starting to wonder why he's bothering to stay.
It's been four and a half months, and he hasn't gotten more than an hour's sleep a night since Thor took Loki back to Asgard.
It's been four and a half months, and Natasha's been on a mission across the world for the past two. Stark and Banner have barely left Stark's tower; Rogers left on a road trip after they all saw the Asgardians off.
It's been four and a half months, and Clint's been alone. Mourning. Regretting. Punishing himself, and letting whoever else wanted to, as well.
But, in all honesty… Loki's not the worst thing to ever happen to him. SHIELD turning its back isn't, either. Not like he expected better. At least Tasha is still in his corner, but he could make it if she wasn't.
It's been four and a half months, and Agent Reardon is glaring at him from across the mess hall, and Clint gets it, he really does, he knows all about trauma and healing and fucking PTSD, and everyone had known about kickass Agent Barton, fucking Hawkeye, man, Coulson's favorite and right there at the top of the ladder.
Fucking Hawkeye, man.
Let an alien take over his mind.
Led an invading force, causing millions of dollars of damage and hundreds of injuries – and fifty-seven deaths.
Clint's had higher body-counts. But that was before SHIELD. That was before SHIELD, before anybody trusted him. Before anybody could be betrayed by him. He got out of that life, went legit, became a good guy.
Agent Reardon is glaring at him, fists clenched, and Hawkeye, he's done letting grieving children make themselves feel better by rending his flesh.
He knows all about trauma and healing.
He knows when to cut his losses and run.
He knows how to salt and burn the earth behind him.
Hawkeye stands and turns, calmly walks out of the mess, takes the stairs all the way down, and leaves the building. As he saunters down the sidewalk, he texts Tasha, I'm gone. She'll either join him or she won't.
There's no one else on the planet he cares about. That makes things… a lot easier.
.
Hawkeye was the only operative who could've brought in Black Widow. And Coulson was the only operative who could've brought in Hawkeye. Both those facts are buried deep, and Clint's pretty sure that Fury's gritting his teeth somewhere, his one eye glaring, because Tasha had texted back, Don't get killed.
She's not joining him. But she won't be hunting him either.
Which means he's home free.
(His dreams are blue, and he still doesn't sleep more than an hour a night, and everything his one-time colleagues had been muttering for four and a half months is true – but he's done worse for less, and his conscience died a bloody death a long time ago.)
.
Thor comes back with booming thunder; it's all over the news. He's as popular as the Hulk because no one knows the alien whose army tore apart Manhattan is his brother.
(It also wasn't his brother's army, but since Loki hadn't seen fit to mention that, Clint had never told anyone.)
Rogers is back from his road trip and living in Stark Tower. Thor moves in, too, with his genius astrophysicist girlfriend. Even Tasha has started sleeping there, according to Clint's intel.
No one outside of SHIELD knows that the Avengers are down one member. No one outside of SHIELD knows that humans were involved on the other end of the invasion. No one outside of SHIELD knows that Clint Barton ever existed.
No one outside of SHIELD knows that Hawkeye has gone rogue, because he isn't using Hawkeye as a moniker anymore. Hawkeye was a dumbass kid and record-breaking agent; Hawkeye was Loki's minion.
Hawkeye was a good man, all things being equal.
Besides… Hawkeye hasn't gone rogue. He hasn't run to any of SHIELD's enemies with intel, or started assassinating agents. He's just started offering his services to the highest bidders, like he did before Coulson ever politely asked him to start working for the good guys.
He thinks, sometimes, in the quiet moments between jobs, watching footage of the Avengers take down mad scientists and the idiots trying to succeeded where Loki failed – he thinks, that maybe if Coulson hadn't died he'd still be at SHIELD. Coulson, one of two men he ever actually called sir respectfully. The only one who didn't use mind-control to earn it.
Yeah, he's pretty sure that if he'd had Coulson still alive and on his side, things would've gone differently those last four and a half months.
But Coulson wasn't alive.
And here he is, watching footage of Tasha thoroughly demolish some dumb fucker's robot army, and he still loves her an awful lot. She won't hunt him, and he won't kill her, and that's all the debt that's left.
.
"Well, this is a most intriguing development," Loki says from behind him, and Clint turns, knife held loosely in his hand.
"Hey, Boss," Clint says.
.
That Loki would escape was never in doubt. Whatever punishment Thor's dad had in mind (and Clint wasn't sure what, exactly, Asgard would do to him, or what his list of crimes was, in his dad's mind), it wouldn't take Loki long at all to get away.
Whether he'd return to Earth, though… Clint hadn't thought too much about it. Seriously, why would he? … except, it's where Thor seems to have set up camp, so.
And here he is, one of two men Clint has ever called sir and meant it. Yeah, it was because of the blue – but the blue's gone, and Phil had known what he was getting into, and there is a single person on this planet Clint actually cares about.
Clint's never had much of a conscience. What he had, died. And what he needs now is someone to aim him.
And Loki's sprawled over the couch, smiling at him, and Loki says, "I did not expect that anyone in this realm would welcome my return, Agent Barton."
Clint shrugs. "I'm no one's agent anymore, Boss."
"You are no longer Hawkeye, either, I hear," Loki drawls, eyes cold and sharp. "Have you no master, now?"
Smirking, Clint says, "Well, I've been calling you Boss, Boss."
Loki actually chuckles. "Yes, you have."
.
Fucking Hawkeye, man. He's a legend. He died doing something goddamned heroic (what it was varies) and Black Widow still punishes anyone at SHIELD who says a bad thing about him.
.
It's storming the day Thor announces that Loki has escaped his cage on Asgard.
It's storming the day the Avengers realize Loki had not been fighting at full strength when they defeated him.
It's storming the day Black Widow has the chance to kill Loki's top man and stays her hand.
A life for a life. But she'll never hunt him and he'll never kill her, and if Fury thinks he can order her to do otherwise –
Fury clenches his fists and bites back words he'd never be able to unsay, and Natasha Romanova meets his eye, face expressionless. She had the chance to leave and chose to stay, and Fury knows it.
It's storming outside when Natasha returns to the Tower. It's storming outside and Natasha doesn't tell anyone about her breakfast meeting with Loki's right hand.
.
Clint Barton is dead. Hawkeye died on the Helicarrier with Coulson.
It's Raptor who stands beside Loki, smirking, bow and arrow in hand.
.
It took four and a half months for Clint Barton to walk away.
Maybe Coulson could've brought him back, but Coulson died for what he believed in. And Natasha could hunt him down, but he made his choice and she'll respect it.
He's done worse things for less, and he still dreams about the blue, sleeping next to Boss, and Loki's only plan seems to be fucking up everything Thor cares about.
Raptor's fine with that.
.
.
Title: Soldiers find wars
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from John Donne
Warnings: post-film; AUish for Clint's backstory
Pairings: Loki/Clint
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1460
Point of view: third
It's been four and a half months since the Battle of Manhattan and Earth learning that, not only was it not alone in the universe, it was completely outgunned in every possible way.
It's been four and a half months since Captain America came back from the dead, since superheroes popped out of the woodwork, since Hulk became popular and adored.
It's been four and a half months since blue poured into Clint and swept him away. Since he attacked SHIELD on the behalf of its enemy, and led said enemy straight to its floating fortress, and nearly took it down.
It's been four and a half months, and no one's let him forget it – like the survivors think they can punish him better than he could himself.
It's been four and a half months, and he's starting to wonder why he's bothering to stay.
It's been four and a half months, and he hasn't gotten more than an hour's sleep a night since Thor took Loki back to Asgard.
It's been four and a half months, and Natasha's been on a mission across the world for the past two. Stark and Banner have barely left Stark's tower; Rogers left on a road trip after they all saw the Asgardians off.
It's been four and a half months, and Clint's been alone. Mourning. Regretting. Punishing himself, and letting whoever else wanted to, as well.
But, in all honesty… Loki's not the worst thing to ever happen to him. SHIELD turning its back isn't, either. Not like he expected better. At least Tasha is still in his corner, but he could make it if she wasn't.
It's been four and a half months, and Agent Reardon is glaring at him from across the mess hall, and Clint gets it, he really does, he knows all about trauma and healing and fucking PTSD, and everyone had known about kickass Agent Barton, fucking Hawkeye, man, Coulson's favorite and right there at the top of the ladder.
Fucking Hawkeye, man.
Let an alien take over his mind.
Led an invading force, causing millions of dollars of damage and hundreds of injuries – and fifty-seven deaths.
Clint's had higher body-counts. But that was before SHIELD. That was before SHIELD, before anybody trusted him. Before anybody could be betrayed by him. He got out of that life, went legit, became a good guy.
Agent Reardon is glaring at him, fists clenched, and Hawkeye, he's done letting grieving children make themselves feel better by rending his flesh.
He knows all about trauma and healing.
He knows when to cut his losses and run.
He knows how to salt and burn the earth behind him.
Hawkeye stands and turns, calmly walks out of the mess, takes the stairs all the way down, and leaves the building. As he saunters down the sidewalk, he texts Tasha, I'm gone. She'll either join him or she won't.
There's no one else on the planet he cares about. That makes things… a lot easier.
.
Hawkeye was the only operative who could've brought in Black Widow. And Coulson was the only operative who could've brought in Hawkeye. Both those facts are buried deep, and Clint's pretty sure that Fury's gritting his teeth somewhere, his one eye glaring, because Tasha had texted back, Don't get killed.
She's not joining him. But she won't be hunting him either.
Which means he's home free.
(His dreams are blue, and he still doesn't sleep more than an hour a night, and everything his one-time colleagues had been muttering for four and a half months is true – but he's done worse for less, and his conscience died a bloody death a long time ago.)
.
Thor comes back with booming thunder; it's all over the news. He's as popular as the Hulk because no one knows the alien whose army tore apart Manhattan is his brother.
(It also wasn't his brother's army, but since Loki hadn't seen fit to mention that, Clint had never told anyone.)
Rogers is back from his road trip and living in Stark Tower. Thor moves in, too, with his genius astrophysicist girlfriend. Even Tasha has started sleeping there, according to Clint's intel.
No one outside of SHIELD knows that the Avengers are down one member. No one outside of SHIELD knows that humans were involved on the other end of the invasion. No one outside of SHIELD knows that Clint Barton ever existed.
No one outside of SHIELD knows that Hawkeye has gone rogue, because he isn't using Hawkeye as a moniker anymore. Hawkeye was a dumbass kid and record-breaking agent; Hawkeye was Loki's minion.
Hawkeye was a good man, all things being equal.
Besides… Hawkeye hasn't gone rogue. He hasn't run to any of SHIELD's enemies with intel, or started assassinating agents. He's just started offering his services to the highest bidders, like he did before Coulson ever politely asked him to start working for the good guys.
He thinks, sometimes, in the quiet moments between jobs, watching footage of the Avengers take down mad scientists and the idiots trying to succeeded where Loki failed – he thinks, that maybe if Coulson hadn't died he'd still be at SHIELD. Coulson, one of two men he ever actually called sir respectfully. The only one who didn't use mind-control to earn it.
Yeah, he's pretty sure that if he'd had Coulson still alive and on his side, things would've gone differently those last four and a half months.
But Coulson wasn't alive.
And here he is, watching footage of Tasha thoroughly demolish some dumb fucker's robot army, and he still loves her an awful lot. She won't hunt him, and he won't kill her, and that's all the debt that's left.
.
"Well, this is a most intriguing development," Loki says from behind him, and Clint turns, knife held loosely in his hand.
"Hey, Boss," Clint says.
.
That Loki would escape was never in doubt. Whatever punishment Thor's dad had in mind (and Clint wasn't sure what, exactly, Asgard would do to him, or what his list of crimes was, in his dad's mind), it wouldn't take Loki long at all to get away.
Whether he'd return to Earth, though… Clint hadn't thought too much about it. Seriously, why would he? … except, it's where Thor seems to have set up camp, so.
And here he is, one of two men Clint has ever called sir and meant it. Yeah, it was because of the blue – but the blue's gone, and Phil had known what he was getting into, and there is a single person on this planet Clint actually cares about.
Clint's never had much of a conscience. What he had, died. And what he needs now is someone to aim him.
And Loki's sprawled over the couch, smiling at him, and Loki says, "I did not expect that anyone in this realm would welcome my return, Agent Barton."
Clint shrugs. "I'm no one's agent anymore, Boss."
"You are no longer Hawkeye, either, I hear," Loki drawls, eyes cold and sharp. "Have you no master, now?"
Smirking, Clint says, "Well, I've been calling you Boss, Boss."
Loki actually chuckles. "Yes, you have."
.
Fucking Hawkeye, man. He's a legend. He died doing something goddamned heroic (what it was varies) and Black Widow still punishes anyone at SHIELD who says a bad thing about him.
.
It's storming the day Thor announces that Loki has escaped his cage on Asgard.
It's storming the day the Avengers realize Loki had not been fighting at full strength when they defeated him.
It's storming the day Black Widow has the chance to kill Loki's top man and stays her hand.
A life for a life. But she'll never hunt him and he'll never kill her, and if Fury thinks he can order her to do otherwise –
Fury clenches his fists and bites back words he'd never be able to unsay, and Natasha Romanova meets his eye, face expressionless. She had the chance to leave and chose to stay, and Fury knows it.
It's storming outside when Natasha returns to the Tower. It's storming outside and Natasha doesn't tell anyone about her breakfast meeting with Loki's right hand.
.
Clint Barton is dead. Hawkeye died on the Helicarrier with Coulson.
It's Raptor who stands beside Loki, smirking, bow and arrow in hand.
.
It took four and a half months for Clint Barton to walk away.
Maybe Coulson could've brought him back, but Coulson died for what he believed in. And Natasha could hunt him down, but he made his choice and she'll respect it.
He's done worse things for less, and he still dreams about the blue, sleeping next to Boss, and Loki's only plan seems to be fucking up everything Thor cares about.
Raptor's fine with that.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-22 07:25 am (UTC)This fic fits so well with the coming-autumn feels I have right now (we don't have the heatwave thing here up north, so the autumn is progressing and fruits are reddening/blueing).
(Coulson, one of two men... sentence has one extra 'i' there after 'sir')
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-22 02:14 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading! (And, yeah, Clint sleeps much better now.)
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-22 05:26 pm (UTC)It's storming the day Black Widow has the chance to kill Loki's top man and stays her hand.
A life for a life. But she'll never hunt him and he'll never kill her,
*lump in throat*
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-23 12:09 am (UTC)Thank you so much!
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-22 07:25 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-23 12:09 am (UTC)Aww, thanks so much!
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-28 09:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-28 10:33 pm (UTC)Raptor is a lot of fun. Thank you!
(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-31 03:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-08-31 03:29 pm (UTC)Thank you so much!
(no subject)
Date: 2012-09-12 07:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2012-09-13 09:12 pm (UTC)Thanks!