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tigriswolfI disclaim all the ones I did not make up. The boys are not mine, either. Alas.
Some of the ones that I didn't make up are pretty damned obvious, some aren't. If you don't recognize it, that doesn't mean it's mine. If you've a question, ask.
Some of the ones that I didn't make up are pretty damned obvious, some aren't. If you don't recognize it, that doesn't mean it's mine. If you've a question, ask.
Dean to Sam: I don't want your pity, I want your absence.
Some random monster/person: What the hell are you?
Dean: Better.
Celine Demon to Dean or Sam, prepilot: As fate would have it, my business is all about you.
Some random monster/person: What the hell are you?
Dean: Better.
Celine Demon to Dean or Sam, prepilot: As fate would have it, my business is all about you.
Dean: Calvary’s here. Calvary's a scared guy with a rock, but it's here.
Sam: Fire bad, tree pretty.
Dean: I laugh in the face of danger. And then I hide till it goes away.
Sam to Dean: You're a bloody puppet!
Sam: Fire bad, tree pretty.
Dean: I laugh in the face of danger. And then I hide till it goes away.
Sam to Dean: You're a bloody puppet!
Dean: Sam, I am tired of your fucking pity party. Now, please, go away so I can drown my sorrows in this handy bottle of vodka, yeah?
Dean to Sam: I put a gun to Dad's head once. Ever think like that? He was passed out. Had just been yelling at me over nothing. Under-cooked meat. I went to my room, I held the barrel right up to his ear, and then I chickened out again. Of course it was a BB gun but still it would have hurt like hell.
Dean: Hindsight. It's like foresight without a future.
Sam: I think there has to be a door between where you cook and where you crap. Even in the bush - tribal people, you know, they have a place for both. Probably it's like a law. God! It's probably in the Bible. It's at least a building code violation.
AU for "Faith"
Sam: You knew you were dying from the start?
Dean: We're all dying from the start. I just got moved to the head of the line.
prepilot
John: Tell him how you made me fall in love with you.
Mary: I smiled at him.
John: Watch out for the smile, Dean.
Random bad guy, good guy, person: "Who are you?"
Dean: "No one of consequence."
Random bad guy, good guy, person: "I must know."
Dean: "Get used to disappointment."
Dean to Sam: I put a gun to Dad's head once. Ever think like that? He was passed out. Had just been yelling at me over nothing. Under-cooked meat. I went to my room, I held the barrel right up to his ear, and then I chickened out again. Of course it was a BB gun but still it would have hurt like hell.
Dean: Hindsight. It's like foresight without a future.
Sam: I think there has to be a door between where you cook and where you crap. Even in the bush - tribal people, you know, they have a place for both. Probably it's like a law. God! It's probably in the Bible. It's at least a building code violation.
AU for "Faith"
Sam: You knew you were dying from the start?
Dean: We're all dying from the start. I just got moved to the head of the line.
prepilot
John: Tell him how you made me fall in love with you.
Mary: I smiled at him.
John: Watch out for the smile, Dean.
Random bad guy, good guy, person: "Who are you?"
Dean: "No one of consequence."
Random bad guy, good guy, person: "I must know."
Dean: "Get used to disappointment."
Random demon/monster/thing: Behold, the Underminer! I'm always beneath you, but nothing is beneath me! I hereby declare war on peace and happiness! Soon, all will tremble before me!
Dean: I think Dad is in trouble.
Sam: If you hadn't noticed, Dean, we're not doin' so hot, either.
LilDean(prepilot, clearly): We're dead! We're dead! We survived but we're dead!
Dean: We look like bad guys. Incompetent bad guys!
prepilot
Dean: I can't believe you don't want to go to your own son's graduation.
John: It's not a graduation. He's moving from the 4th grade to the 5th grade.
Dean: It's a ceremony!
John: It's psychotic! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity, but if someone is genuinely exceptional...
Sam: You want to go toward the monster that tried to kill us?
Dean: If it means safety, yes.
after almost crashing the Impala, clearly prepilot
John: Is everybody okay back there?
LilSam: Super duper, Dad.
LilDean: Let's do that again!
Dean: Hey, I saved your life!
ex-person in peril(pissed about being saved):You didn't save my life, you ruined my death, that's what you did!
Celine Demon: This isn't the end of it! I will get your son eventually! I will get your son!
prepilot
Dean: Sammy, I think it's time you learned of the birds and the bees.
Sam: It's Sam, and I already know.
Dean: How?
Sam: Try hiding your romps a little better.
Dean: Dad know?
Sam: Know what? About Sarah in our room or Dave out in the woods?
Dean: That'll do, Sam, that'll do.
prepilot
Mary to Dean: No, snookums; toilet paper is for cleaning messes, not making them.
in the Impala
Sam: Don't you ever just want to stop hunting, pull this hunk of metal to the edge of the road, get out and smell the daisies? I think it'd be good for you.
Dean: Sam, I really wish you wouldn't forget to take your medicine. You're so much more pleasant--and less delusional.
Sam(indignantly): I am not delusional!
Dean(gives him a Look): Sammy, daisies. Me. Think about it.
Sam(mutters): Better daises than dodos.
Dean: How the hell would I smell an extinct flightless bird?
Dean: But, Mommy, Mommy, I don't even like my brother!
Mary:Shut up and keep eating!
Dean: Hey, Sammy, what's green and makes holes?
Sam: That joke was never funny, Dean, and got old a long time ago.
Dean: A drill pickle! (laughs hysterically)
Dean: I think Dad is in trouble.
Sam: If you hadn't noticed, Dean, we're not doin' so hot, either.
LilDean(prepilot, clearly): We're dead! We're dead! We survived but we're dead!
Dean: We look like bad guys. Incompetent bad guys!
prepilot
Dean: I can't believe you don't want to go to your own son's graduation.
John: It's not a graduation. He's moving from the 4th grade to the 5th grade.
Dean: It's a ceremony!
John: It's psychotic! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity, but if someone is genuinely exceptional...
Sam: You want to go toward the monster that tried to kill us?
Dean: If it means safety, yes.
after almost crashing the Impala, clearly prepilot
John: Is everybody okay back there?
LilSam: Super duper, Dad.
LilDean: Let's do that again!
Dean: Hey, I saved your life!
ex-person in peril(pissed about being saved):You didn't save my life, you ruined my death, that's what you did!
Celine Demon: This isn't the end of it! I will get your son eventually! I will get your son!
prepilot
Dean: Sammy, I think it's time you learned of the birds and the bees.
Sam: It's Sam, and I already know.
Dean: How?
Sam: Try hiding your romps a little better.
Dean: Dad know?
Sam: Know what? About Sarah in our room or Dave out in the woods?
Dean: That'll do, Sam, that'll do.
prepilot
Mary to Dean: No, snookums; toilet paper is for cleaning messes, not making them.
in the Impala
Sam: Don't you ever just want to stop hunting, pull this hunk of metal to the edge of the road, get out and smell the daisies? I think it'd be good for you.
Dean: Sam, I really wish you wouldn't forget to take your medicine. You're so much more pleasant--and less delusional.
Sam(indignantly): I am not delusional!
Dean(gives him a Look): Sammy, daisies. Me. Think about it.
Sam(mutters): Better daises than dodos.
Dean: How the hell would I smell an extinct flightless bird?
Dean: But, Mommy, Mommy, I don't even like my brother!
Mary:Shut up and keep eating!
Dean: Hey, Sammy, what's green and makes holes?
Sam: That joke was never funny, Dean, and got old a long time ago.
Dean: A drill pickle! (laughs hysterically)
lilDean: Sammy, go play in the freeway.
lilSam: Dean, why are there fairies in Daddy's room?
lilDean: What?
lilSam: They have purple wings and red claws and I think they want to kill us.
lilDean: Probably.
lilSam: Shouldn't you do something about it?
lilDean: Later.
lilSam: But--
lilDean: I said later, Sam. It'll be fine.
lilSam(muttering as he stalks away): That's what you said about the demon puppy, and he almost killed me.
Dean: Sam, if I've said it once, I've said it a million times: flapping your arms does not enable you to fly.
Sam: Pessimist.
lilSam: Dean, why are there fairies in Daddy's room?
lilDean: What?
lilSam: They have purple wings and red claws and I think they want to kill us.
lilDean: Probably.
lilSam: Shouldn't you do something about it?
lilDean: Later.
lilSam: But--
lilDean: I said later, Sam. It'll be fine.
lilSam(muttering as he stalks away): That's what you said about the demon puppy, and he almost killed me.
Dean: Sam, if I've said it once, I've said it a million times: flapping your arms does not enable you to fly.
Sam: Pessimist.
Dean(to PiP who are freaking out): From now on, the only person who gets to yell is me. Why? Because I have a gun. People with guns get to do whatever they want. Married people without guns - for instance - you - DO NOT get to yell. Why? NO GUNS! No guns, no yelling. See? Simple little equation.
Sometime in the future when Dean and Sam go to therapy.
Sam: I had this dream...
Dean: Do we have to do dreams?
Sam: I'm in this restaurant, and the waiter brings me my entree. It was a salad. It was Dean's head on a plate of spinach with his penis sticking out of his ear. And I said, "I didn't order this." And the waiter said, "Oh you must try it, it's a delicacy. But don't eat the penis, it's just garnish."
Dr. Wong: Dean, what do you think about the dream?
Dean: I think he should stop telling it during hunts to all the demons.
Sam: You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas, Dad? A big wooden cross, so that every time you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.
Dean: Connecticut is the fifth ring of hell.
Sam: Dad, the day you see anything through to the end, I'll stick my own dick in my ear.
Dean: I have a gun, it's loaded, shut up.
Dean: He's our father.
Celine Demon: He's a fucking bastard, Dean.
Dean: You're not supposed to take sides.
Sam: No, no, no, thank you so much. Finally somebody else sees.
Celine Demon: You'd have to be blind not to see.
Dean: Great. I just beat up Santa Claus.
Dean(dressed up in a Santa suit): Yeah? Well, maybe Santa won't come back next year. Maybe he and the Easter Bunny will take a fuckin' cruise to Jamaica and you can eat your own lousy cookies!
Sam to John: Alcoholism is not a disease, it's a failing. You've turned it into a church. You worship the altar of self-pity. I come to these rooms for one reason, to remember what I don't want to become... helpless, impotent, and weak.
Sam: Good luck.
John: There's no such thing. Success depends on a well thought out plan that's executed with precision.
Sam: Right.
CD: Get me a... Holy Bartender.
Bartender: Never heard of it.
CD: Ahh, he doesn't know how to make a Holy Bartender. You do, don't you, pychic-boy?
Sam: Don't...
CD: Ahh, anybody? No?
[innocent bystanders shake their heads]
CD: Well, I know how to make a Holy Bartender...
[CD pulls out an uzi, shoots the bartender repeatedly, then laughs hysterically]
CD: Get it?
Sam: [restrained by demons who have suddenly appeared] Sweet Jesus, CD, why?
Dean: Come on, demon, I wanna see you try that shit on someone who's already dead!
CD: Now, now, Dean, you maintain that kind of an attitude and you and the barkeep won't be the only corpses in the room.
Gun Salesman: We call this piece the Fecalator. One look at it and the target shits him or herself. Try it on.
Dean: Well, it's a lot more compact than the flaming sword, but it's not nearly as impressive. Just doesn't have that Wrath-of-the-Almighty edge to it. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this thing? Look at this...
Sam: Well, then, you know, don't use a gun. Just lay the place to waste, like.
Dean: Easy for you to say. You get off light in razing. You got to stand there and read at Sodom and Gomorrah, I had to do all the work.
Sam: What work did you do? You lit a few fires.
Dean: I rained down sulphur, man, there's a subtle difference.
Sam: Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
Dean: Hey, you know, fuck you, man. Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire. Raining down sulphur is like an endurance trial man. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, outside of soccer.
Nun: You don't believe in God because of Alice in Wonderland?
Dean: No, "Through the Looking Glass". That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter" that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buddha, or... or with his tusk, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do... what do they do? They... They dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensure the destruction of one's inner-being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions... by inhibiting our decisions, out of... out of fear of some... some intangible parent figure who... who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says... and says, "Do it - Do it and I'll fuckin' spank you. "
[Dean hits CD in the chest with a blessed golf-club - his chest shatters, revealing black ooze]
CD: But I'm a fuckin' demon.
Dean: I forgot my little voodoo doll.
[looks at Meg]
Dean: Wow. It really does look just like you. Maybe, if I believed enough...
[pauses, then crushes voodoo doll of Meg, who is terrified but unharmed]
Dean: [laughs] I don't believe in voodoo.
[leaves]
Dean: [re-enters with a gun] But I do believe in this.
[shoots Meg]
Sam:[from outside] 'But I do believe in this.' What does that mean?
AU for pilot
John: Mary, oh, Mary Mary all my life, if I hadn't have shot poor Mary I'd have had her for my wife. Mary's gone, one more round Mary's gone. I went up to Lawrence and I met Mary there. Found her in her parlor and I tied to her chair. Mary's gone, one more round Mary's gone. She was low down and trifling, and she was cold and mean, kind of evil make me want to grab my sub-machine. Mary's gone, one more round Mary's gone. First time I shot her, I shot her in the side. Hard to watch her suffer, but with the second shot she died. Mary's gone, one more round Mary's gone. But jailer, oh, jailer. Jailer, I can't sleep, 'cause all around my bedside I hear the patter of Mary's feet. Mary's gone, one more round Mary's gone. So if your woman's devilish, you can let her run or you can bring her down and do her like Mary got done. Mary's gone, one more round Mary's gone.
AU(clearly)
Dean: You told us vampires were extinct!
Pastor Jim: Aren’t they?
Dean: If they were, they wouldn’t have kidnapped Dad.
Pastor Jim: Oh… details, details.
Sam: Fuck off.
Dean: You fuck off.
Sam: No, you fuck off.
Dean: No, you go fucking fuck off!
Sam: Alright, fuck it, let's just fuck.
AU conversation for "Skin"
Sam: It's me!
Dean: Prove it!
Sam: You're a dick.
Dean: Okay.
Dean: What do you suppose demonic amulets are going for on EBay?
Dean: Are you afraid? I mean to let someone in; to let someone see who you really are?
Sam: Yeah, of course I am.
Dean: Well, multiply that by about a million.
Dean: I want to get the hell out of here. This place is psychologically damaging.
Sam: This place could hold the answers to everything.
Dean: Yeah, I'm sure it's a real mecca for factual information
Dean to Sam: [pointing to the bed] I don't suppose we could share?
Sam: [about Dean] It feels so wrong, but it feels so good.
Dean: This can never be normal, Sam.
Sam: What's so great about normal?
Dean: Stick a fork in us, Samuel, we're done.
Dean: Sam, I have to talk to you about something... personal
Sam: Nothing's too personal.
Dean: How did you deal with Jessica?
Sam: Too personal.
Sam to PiP: Now remember, things look bad and it looks like you're not gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plumb, mad-dog mean. 'Cause if you lose your head and you give up then you neither live nor win. That's just the way it is.
Dean: When I get to likin' someone, they ain't around long.
PiP: I notice when you get to DISlikin' someone they ain't around for long neither.
Sam: [about corpses] I wish we had time to bury them fellas.
Dean: To hell with them fellas. Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms.
Sam: You can't get 'em all, Dean.
Dean: That's a fact.
Sam: How come you're doing this, then?
Dean: Because I ain't got nothin' better to do.
-
-
Sometime in the future when Dean and Sam go to therapy.
Sam: I had this dream...
Dean: Do we have to do dreams?
Sam: I'm in this restaurant, and the waiter brings me my entree. It was a salad. It was Dean's head on a plate of spinach with his penis sticking out of his ear. And I said, "I didn't order this." And the waiter said, "Oh you must try it, it's a delicacy. But don't eat the penis, it's just garnish."
Dr. Wong: Dean, what do you think about the dream?
Dean: I think he should stop telling it during hunts to all the demons.
Sam: You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas, Dad? A big wooden cross, so that every time you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.
Dean: Connecticut is the fifth ring of hell.
Sam: Dad, the day you see anything through to the end, I'll stick my own dick in my ear.
Dean: I have a gun, it's loaded, shut up.
Dean: He's our father.
Celine Demon: He's a fucking bastard, Dean.
Dean: You're not supposed to take sides.
Sam: No, no, no, thank you so much. Finally somebody else sees.
Celine Demon: You'd have to be blind not to see.
Dean: Great. I just beat up Santa Claus.
Dean(dressed up in a Santa suit): Yeah? Well, maybe Santa won't come back next year. Maybe he and the Easter Bunny will take a fuckin' cruise to Jamaica and you can eat your own lousy cookies!
Sam to John: Alcoholism is not a disease, it's a failing. You've turned it into a church. You worship the altar of self-pity. I come to these rooms for one reason, to remember what I don't want to become... helpless, impotent, and weak.
Sam: Good luck.
John: There's no such thing. Success depends on a well thought out plan that's executed with precision.
Sam: Right.
CD: Get me a... Holy Bartender.
Bartender: Never heard of it.
CD: Ahh, he doesn't know how to make a Holy Bartender. You do, don't you, pychic-boy?
Sam: Don't...
CD: Ahh, anybody? No?
[innocent bystanders shake their heads]
CD: Well, I know how to make a Holy Bartender...
[CD pulls out an uzi, shoots the bartender repeatedly, then laughs hysterically]
CD: Get it?
Sam: [restrained by demons who have suddenly appeared] Sweet Jesus, CD, why?
Dean: Come on, demon, I wanna see you try that shit on someone who's already dead!
CD: Now, now, Dean, you maintain that kind of an attitude and you and the barkeep won't be the only corpses in the room.
Gun Salesman: We call this piece the Fecalator. One look at it and the target shits him or herself. Try it on.
Dean: Well, it's a lot more compact than the flaming sword, but it's not nearly as impressive. Just doesn't have that Wrath-of-the-Almighty edge to it. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this thing? Look at this...
Sam: Well, then, you know, don't use a gun. Just lay the place to waste, like.
Dean: Easy for you to say. You get off light in razing. You got to stand there and read at Sodom and Gomorrah, I had to do all the work.
Sam: What work did you do? You lit a few fires.
Dean: I rained down sulphur, man, there's a subtle difference.
Sam: Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
Dean: Hey, you know, fuck you, man. Any moron with a pack of matches can set a fire. Raining down sulphur is like an endurance trial man. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, outside of soccer.
Nun: You don't believe in God because of Alice in Wonderland?
Dean: No, "Through the Looking Glass". That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter" that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buddha, or... or with his tusk, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do... what do they do? They... They dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensure the destruction of one's inner-being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions... by inhibiting our decisions, out of... out of fear of some... some intangible parent figure who... who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says... and says, "Do it - Do it and I'll fuckin' spank you. "
[Dean hits CD in the chest with a blessed golf-club - his chest shatters, revealing black ooze]
CD: But I'm a fuckin' demon.
Dean: I forgot my little voodoo doll.
[looks at Meg]
Dean: Wow. It really does look just like you. Maybe, if I believed enough...
[pauses, then crushes voodoo doll of Meg, who is terrified but unharmed]
Dean: [laughs] I don't believe in voodoo.
[leaves]
Dean: [re-enters with a gun] But I do believe in this.
[shoots Meg]
Sam:[from outside] 'But I do believe in this.' What does that mean?
Dean: I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Dean: My younger brother calls me a killer and my daddy calls me a vet.
Sam: Dean, I never promised you a rose garden.
Dean: And I'm not always gonna be there to pull you out.
Dean: My younger brother calls me a killer and my daddy calls me a vet.
Sam: Dean, I never promised you a rose garden.
Dean: And I'm not always gonna be there to pull you out.
Dean to Sam and John: I wish you all would die and leave me alone!
after Sam almost dies(again)
Dean: I am, you know.
Sam: What?
Dean: Yours.
Dean randomly bursts out laughing while driving
Sam: What's so funny?
Dean(gasping with laughter): Nothing.
Sam: If it was nothing, you wouldn't be laughing.
Dean(still gasping): I'm hav-having fish... tonight! (laughs harder)
Sam: Uh... huh.
Dean: Finding Nemo--the shark...
Sam: And that just flashed into your brain?
Dean(had almost calmed; resumes laughing): In his... Australian accent...
Sam(shakes head): You are the weirdest person I know, Dean.
Dean: I'm having fish tonight! (continues laughing)
Sam: Dean, what you're about to do, it's... it's not right, is it? I mean, we're the good guys.
Dean: Even the good guys have bad sides, Sammy.
CotW has just introduced herself
Dean: 'Claire'? That's a fat girl's name.
Jessica: Sammy, don't be hero, don't be a fool with your life. Sammy, don't be hero, come back and make me your wife.
Dean(in a letter to Jessica): Sam's dead, but he died a hero, so you should be proud of him.
after Sam almost dies(again)
Dean: I am, you know.
Sam: What?
Dean: Yours.
Dean randomly bursts out laughing while driving
Sam: What's so funny?
Dean(gasping with laughter): Nothing.
Sam: If it was nothing, you wouldn't be laughing.
Dean(still gasping): I'm hav-having fish... tonight! (laughs harder)
Sam: Uh... huh.
Dean: Finding Nemo--the shark...
Sam: And that just flashed into your brain?
Dean(had almost calmed; resumes laughing): In his... Australian accent...
Sam(shakes head): You are the weirdest person I know, Dean.
Dean: I'm having fish tonight! (continues laughing)
Sam: Dean, what you're about to do, it's... it's not right, is it? I mean, we're the good guys.
Dean: Even the good guys have bad sides, Sammy.
CotW has just introduced herself
Dean: 'Claire'? That's a fat girl's name.
Jessica: Sammy, don't be hero, don't be a fool with your life. Sammy, don't be hero, come back and make me your wife.
Dean(in a letter to Jessica): Sam's dead, but he died a hero, so you should be proud of him.
CD: I am evil! I am king! Bow down and worship me before I obliterate you from the face of the planet!
Clownana: Wanna have a dance off?
CD: Sure. Then we'll see who's the overlord!
Clownana: Wanna have a dance off?
CD: Sure. Then we'll see who's the overlord!
AU conversation for "Home"
Mary: I'm sorry.
Sam: For what?
Mary: I'm sorry for the way things are in China. I'm sorry things ain't what they used to be. But more than anything else, I'm sorry for myself 'cause you're not here with me.
Sam: What?
Dean: What, you want him dead?
Dean: Sam, our friends all ask about you. I say you're doing fine and I expect to hear from you almost anytime. But they all know I'm crying, and I can't sleep at night. They all know I'm dying down deep inside.
Dean: I'm sorry, Sam.
Sam: For what?
Dean: I'm sorry for all the lies I told you. I'm sorry for the things I didn't say. But more than anything else, I'm sorry for myself. I can't believe you went away.
John: I'm sorry, Sam.
Sam: Yeah, for what? My childhood, or yourself?
John: I'm sorry if I took some things for granted. I'm sorry for the chains I put on you. But more than anything else, I'm sorry for myself for living without you.
Mary: I'm sorry.
Sam: For what?
Mary: I'm sorry for the way things are in China. I'm sorry things ain't what they used to be. But more than anything else, I'm sorry for myself 'cause you're not here with me.
Sam: What?
Dean: What, you want him dead?
Dean: Sam, our friends all ask about you. I say you're doing fine and I expect to hear from you almost anytime. But they all know I'm crying, and I can't sleep at night. They all know I'm dying down deep inside.
Dean: I'm sorry, Sam.
Sam: For what?
Dean: I'm sorry for all the lies I told you. I'm sorry for the things I didn't say. But more than anything else, I'm sorry for myself. I can't believe you went away.
John: I'm sorry, Sam.
Sam: Yeah, for what? My childhood, or yourself?
John: I'm sorry if I took some things for granted. I'm sorry for the chains I put on you. But more than anything else, I'm sorry for myself for living without you.
Sam: I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.
Dean: Liar.
Sam: What?
Dean: You've never shot a man, much less in Reno.
Sam: I shot Dad. I shot you!
Dean: And did either of us die?
Sam: Well... no.
Dean: There you go, then.
Dean: Liar.
Sam: What?
Dean: You've never shot a man, much less in Reno.
Sam: I shot Dad. I shot you!
Dean: And did either of us die?
Sam: Well... no.
Dean: There you go, then.
prepilot
LillilDean bounces on Mary and John's bed
Mary: Your son is awake.
John: Before sunrise, he's your son.
Sam: Did you know my father?
one of John's contacts: Correction--I know your father.
LilDean: Isn't it great?
LilSam: We could get in big trouble.
LilDean: I know.
prepilot
John: Dean, I'm very disappointed in you!
LilDean: I know.
John: You could have been killed! You deliberately disobeyed me! And what's worse: you put Sam in danger!
LilDean: I was just trying to be brave like you.
John: I'm only brave when I have to be! Dean, being brave doesn't mean you go looking for trouble!
LilDean: But you're not scared of anything!
John: Well, I was today.
LilDean: You were?
John: Yes. I thought I might lose you.
LilDean: I guess even hunters get scared, huh?
John: Mmm-hmm.
LilDean: But you know what?
John: What?
LilDean: I think those demons were even scareder.
John: [laughs] 'Cause nobody messes with your dad!
Sam: Listen, you think you can just show up and tell me how to live my life? You don't even know what I've been through!
Dean: I would if you'd just tell me!
Sam: Forget it!
Dean: Fine!
Dean: What made you come back?
Sam: I finally got some sense knocked into me. And I've got the bump to prove it.
LilDean: All right, it worked.
LilSam: We lost 'em.
LilDean: I... am a genius.
LilSam: Hey, Genius, it was my idea.
LilDean: Yeah, but I pulled it off.
LilSam: With me.
LilDean: Oh, yeah?
John: [yells at the sky] You said you'd always be there! But you're not... and it's because of me.
Sam: [while Dean sings] Will you cut that out?
Dean: Can't cut it out, it'll just grow right back!
Sam: Dean, we need a distraction.
Dean: What do you want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula?
Sam: [hears a noise outside the tent] Dean, wake up. Dean! I heard something.
Dean: Yeah, it's probably the serial killers or something.
LillilDean bounces on Mary and John's bed
Mary: Your son is awake.
John: Before sunrise, he's your son.
Sam: Did you know my father?
one of John's contacts: Correction--I know your father.
LilDean: Isn't it great?
LilSam: We could get in big trouble.
LilDean: I know.
prepilot
John: Dean, I'm very disappointed in you!
LilDean: I know.
John: You could have been killed! You deliberately disobeyed me! And what's worse: you put Sam in danger!
LilDean: I was just trying to be brave like you.
John: I'm only brave when I have to be! Dean, being brave doesn't mean you go looking for trouble!
LilDean: But you're not scared of anything!
John: Well, I was today.
LilDean: You were?
John: Yes. I thought I might lose you.
LilDean: I guess even hunters get scared, huh?
John: Mmm-hmm.
LilDean: But you know what?
John: What?
LilDean: I think those demons were even scareder.
John: [laughs] 'Cause nobody messes with your dad!
Sam: Listen, you think you can just show up and tell me how to live my life? You don't even know what I've been through!
Dean: I would if you'd just tell me!
Sam: Forget it!
Dean: Fine!
Dean: What made you come back?
Sam: I finally got some sense knocked into me. And I've got the bump to prove it.
LilDean: All right, it worked.
LilSam: We lost 'em.
LilDean: I... am a genius.
LilSam: Hey, Genius, it was my idea.
LilDean: Yeah, but I pulled it off.
LilSam: With me.
LilDean: Oh, yeah?
John: [yells at the sky] You said you'd always be there! But you're not... and it's because of me.
Sam: [while Dean sings] Will you cut that out?
Dean: Can't cut it out, it'll just grow right back!
Sam: Dean, we need a distraction.
Dean: What do you want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula?
Sam: [hears a noise outside the tent] Dean, wake up. Dean! I heard something.
Dean: Yeah, it's probably the serial killers or something.
AU for pilot
John: Mary, oh, Mary Mary all my life, if I hadn't have shot poor Mary I'd have had her for my wife. Mary's gone, one more round Mary's gone. I went up to Lawrence and I met Mary there. Found her in her parlor and I tied to her chair. Mary's gone, one more round Mary's gone. She was low down and trifling, and she was cold and mean, kind of evil make me want to grab my sub-machine. Mary's gone, one more round Mary's gone. First time I shot her, I shot her in the side. Hard to watch her suffer, but with the second shot she died. Mary's gone, one more round Mary's gone. But jailer, oh, jailer. Jailer, I can't sleep, 'cause all around my bedside I hear the patter of Mary's feet. Mary's gone, one more round Mary's gone. So if your woman's devilish, you can let her run or you can bring her down and do her like Mary got done. Mary's gone, one more round Mary's gone.
AU(clearly)
Dean: You told us vampires were extinct!
Pastor Jim: Aren’t they?
Dean: If they were, they wouldn’t have kidnapped Dad.
Pastor Jim: Oh… details, details.
Sam: Fuck off.
Dean: You fuck off.
Sam: No, you fuck off.
Dean: No, you go fucking fuck off!
Sam: Alright, fuck it, let's just fuck.
AU conversation for "Skin"
Sam: It's me!
Dean: Prove it!
Sam: You're a dick.
Dean: Okay.
Dean: What do you suppose demonic amulets are going for on EBay?
Dean: Are you afraid? I mean to let someone in; to let someone see who you really are?
Sam: Yeah, of course I am.
Dean: Well, multiply that by about a million.
Dean: I want to get the hell out of here. This place is psychologically damaging.
Sam: This place could hold the answers to everything.
Dean: Yeah, I'm sure it's a real mecca for factual information
Dean to Sam: [pointing to the bed] I don't suppose we could share?
Sam: [about Dean] It feels so wrong, but it feels so good.
Dean: This can never be normal, Sam.
Sam: What's so great about normal?
Dean: Stick a fork in us, Samuel, we're done.
Dean: Sam, I have to talk to you about something... personal
Sam: Nothing's too personal.
Dean: How did you deal with Jessica?
Sam: Too personal.
Sam to PiP: Now remember, things look bad and it looks like you're not gonna make it, then you gotta get mean. I mean plumb, mad-dog mean. 'Cause if you lose your head and you give up then you neither live nor win. That's just the way it is.
Dean: When I get to likin' someone, they ain't around long.
PiP: I notice when you get to DISlikin' someone they ain't around for long neither.
Sam: [about corpses] I wish we had time to bury them fellas.
Dean: To hell with them fellas. Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms.
Sam: You can't get 'em all, Dean.
Dean: That's a fact.
Sam: How come you're doing this, then?
Dean: Because I ain't got nothin' better to do.
-
March 12, 2006
Dear Diary,
My name is Dean Winchester and five days ago I died.
A damned 'shifter stole my skin and tried to kill Sam(my), but I shot that fucker dead and now I am legally no longer among the living.
You know, writing in this stupid book is all Sam(my)'s fault. He wants me to 'open up and share', like that'll make a damned bit of difference.
You know what? Fuck this. I'm dead. The least I can do is get some beer.
Dear Diary,
My name is Dean Winchester and five days ago I died.
A damned 'shifter stole my skin and tried to kill Sam(my), but I shot that fucker dead and now I am legally no longer among the living.
You know, writing in this stupid book is all Sam(my)'s fault. He wants me to 'open up and share', like that'll make a damned bit of difference.
You know what? Fuck this. I'm dead. The least I can do is get some beer.
-
Dean: Darlin', there is no life without you.
Sam: What?
Dean: So I guess I just have to kill you.
Sam: How does that make sense?
Dean: It doesn't. Deal with it.
Sam: I don't want to.
Dean: And I care oh so much.
Sam: What?
Dean: So I guess I just have to kill you.
Sam: How does that make sense?
Dean: It doesn't. Deal with it.
Sam: I don't want to.
Dean: And I care oh so much.
CotW: Daddy? Daddy! I have never been so humiliated in my entire life!
Dean: I said what I said and I’ll stand by it to the death.
CotW: Shoot him, Daddy. Shoot him at once.
DoCotW: Wha…why?
CotW: My honor is at stake.
DoCotW: Well, now, your honor.
CotW: Absolutely. He impugned my honor.
DoCotW: Impugned? What does that mean?
CotW: Slander. He slandered my honor.
DoCotW: He did?
Dean: I said what I said and I’ll stand by it to the death.
CotW: He admits it, see?! Shoot him!
DoCotW: Well, now, what is he admitting to?
CotW: Why, he called me a—I can’t even repeat the word.
Dean: I didn’t necessarily call you anything. But I said what I said and I’ll stand by it to the death.
DoCotW: Well, just for the tally-books, what did you say?
Dean: I said that any girl who would permit a man to kiss her before they’re formally engaged is a trollop.
CotW: He said it again! Shoot him!
DoCotW: Now, hold on.
CotW: No, don’t hold on! If you’re my father, if you love me, you’ll shoot him.
DoCotW: Well, I am your father. And I sure love you. So (shoots Dean)…
CotW: Oh, you shot him. You really shot him.
Sam: I need to find a retarded kid and teach him to play softball!
Dean: I thought we were gonna spend some time together.
Sam: We are.
Dean: When?
Sam: I don’t know. Tomorrow, maybe.
Dean: You were busy today, so we made plans for tonight.
Sam: Yes.
Dean: And now you’re blowing me off again.
Sam: I’m not blowing you off.
Dean: You’re going to summer school three days a week.
Sam: You knew about that.
Dean: Yes, but we’ve been apart for a while now and I figured you wanted to spend some time with me.
Sam: Dean, this about Stanford.
Dean: Oh, well, excuse me, it’s about Stanford. I forgot. Okay, fine.
Sam: You’re mad? You’re mad because I want to be sure that I get into a good college?
Dean: No, I’m mad because my brother doesn’t seem to have time for me anymore.
Sam: Dean, stop it. This is important.
Dean: And it can’t wait for one night?
Sam: No.
Dean: Fine.
Sam: Why are you acting like this?
Dean: Like what?
Sam: Like you’re two.
Dean: Hey, I’m not going to Stanford. I could care less about Stanford. I just wanted to hang with you. But, relax. Since apparently I’m two, maybe I’ll just grow out it.
-
Allow me to set up the scene, if you will.
Dean, for whatever reason, is training a replacement after Sam leaves. He has just ranted at the poor manboy, who proceeds to weep.
Dean: Crying? Are you—you’re crying? There’s no crying! There’s no crying in hunting! Crying!? Stop! There’s no crying in hunting!
-
Dean: Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble when you're perfect in every way. I can't wait to look in the mirror, cuz I get better looking each day. To know me is to love me; I must be a hell of a man. O Lord, it's hard to be humble but I'm doing the best that I can. I used to have a girlfriend but I guess she just couldn't compete with all of these love-starved women who keep clamoring at my feet. Well, I'll probably find me another but I guess they're all in awe of me. Who cares—I never get lonesome, ‘cause I treasure my own company. I guess you can say I'm a loner—a cowboy outlaw tough and proud. Well, I could have lots of friends if I wanted but then I wouldn't stand out from the crowd. Some folks say that I'm egotistical. Hell, I don't even know what that means. I guess it has something to do with the way that I fill out my skin tight blue jeans.
Sam: Let his flesh not be torn, let his blood leave no stain; though they beat him, let him feel no pain. Let his bones never break and however they try to destroy him, let him never die. Let him never die. What good is this chanting? I don't even know what I'm reading! I don't even know which trick I ought to try. Dean, where are you? Already dead, or bleeding?One more disaster I can add to my generous supply? Unlimited, the damage is unlimited—to everyone I've tried to help or tried to love. And, oh, Dean, you're the latest victim of my greatest achievement in a long career of distress. Every time I could, I tried making good. And what I made was a mess! No good deed goes unpunished. No act of charity goes unresented. No good deed goes unpunished—that's my new creed. My road of good intentions led where such roads always lead. No good deed goes unpunished! One question haunts and hurts too much, too much to mention: was I really seeking good or just seeking attention? Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye? If that's all good deeds are maybe that's the reason why no good deed goes unpunished. All helpful urges should be circumvented. No good deed goes unpunished. Sure, I meant well—well, look at what well-meant did. All right, enough—so be it. So be it, then: let all the world be agreed I'm wicked through and through. Since I cannot succeed, Dean, saving you I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again. Ever again. No good deed will I do again!
Dean: I said what I said and I’ll stand by it to the death.
CotW: Shoot him, Daddy. Shoot him at once.
DoCotW: Wha…why?
CotW: My honor is at stake.
DoCotW: Well, now, your honor.
CotW: Absolutely. He impugned my honor.
DoCotW: Impugned? What does that mean?
CotW: Slander. He slandered my honor.
DoCotW: He did?
Dean: I said what I said and I’ll stand by it to the death.
CotW: He admits it, see?! Shoot him!
DoCotW: Well, now, what is he admitting to?
CotW: Why, he called me a—I can’t even repeat the word.
Dean: I didn’t necessarily call you anything. But I said what I said and I’ll stand by it to the death.
DoCotW: Well, just for the tally-books, what did you say?
Dean: I said that any girl who would permit a man to kiss her before they’re formally engaged is a trollop.
CotW: He said it again! Shoot him!
DoCotW: Now, hold on.
CotW: No, don’t hold on! If you’re my father, if you love me, you’ll shoot him.
DoCotW: Well, I am your father. And I sure love you. So (shoots Dean)…
CotW: Oh, you shot him. You really shot him.
Sam: I need to find a retarded kid and teach him to play softball!
Dean: I thought we were gonna spend some time together.
Sam: We are.
Dean: When?
Sam: I don’t know. Tomorrow, maybe.
Dean: You were busy today, so we made plans for tonight.
Sam: Yes.
Dean: And now you’re blowing me off again.
Sam: I’m not blowing you off.
Dean: You’re going to summer school three days a week.
Sam: You knew about that.
Dean: Yes, but we’ve been apart for a while now and I figured you wanted to spend some time with me.
Sam: Dean, this about Stanford.
Dean: Oh, well, excuse me, it’s about Stanford. I forgot. Okay, fine.
Sam: You’re mad? You’re mad because I want to be sure that I get into a good college?
Dean: No, I’m mad because my brother doesn’t seem to have time for me anymore.
Sam: Dean, stop it. This is important.
Dean: And it can’t wait for one night?
Sam: No.
Dean: Fine.
Sam: Why are you acting like this?
Dean: Like what?
Sam: Like you’re two.
Dean: Hey, I’m not going to Stanford. I could care less about Stanford. I just wanted to hang with you. But, relax. Since apparently I’m two, maybe I’ll just grow out it.
-
Allow me to set up the scene, if you will.
Dean, for whatever reason, is training a replacement after Sam leaves. He has just ranted at the poor manboy, who proceeds to weep.
Dean: Crying? Are you—you’re crying? There’s no crying! There’s no crying in hunting! Crying!? Stop! There’s no crying in hunting!
-
Dean: Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble when you're perfect in every way. I can't wait to look in the mirror, cuz I get better looking each day. To know me is to love me; I must be a hell of a man. O Lord, it's hard to be humble but I'm doing the best that I can. I used to have a girlfriend but I guess she just couldn't compete with all of these love-starved women who keep clamoring at my feet. Well, I'll probably find me another but I guess they're all in awe of me. Who cares—I never get lonesome, ‘cause I treasure my own company. I guess you can say I'm a loner—a cowboy outlaw tough and proud. Well, I could have lots of friends if I wanted but then I wouldn't stand out from the crowd. Some folks say that I'm egotistical. Hell, I don't even know what that means. I guess it has something to do with the way that I fill out my skin tight blue jeans.
Sam: Let his flesh not be torn, let his blood leave no stain; though they beat him, let him feel no pain. Let his bones never break and however they try to destroy him, let him never die. Let him never die. What good is this chanting? I don't even know what I'm reading! I don't even know which trick I ought to try. Dean, where are you? Already dead, or bleeding?One more disaster I can add to my generous supply? Unlimited, the damage is unlimited—to everyone I've tried to help or tried to love. And, oh, Dean, you're the latest victim of my greatest achievement in a long career of distress. Every time I could, I tried making good. And what I made was a mess! No good deed goes unpunished. No act of charity goes unresented. No good deed goes unpunished—that's my new creed. My road of good intentions led where such roads always lead. No good deed goes unpunished! One question haunts and hurts too much, too much to mention: was I really seeking good or just seeking attention? Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye? If that's all good deeds are maybe that's the reason why no good deed goes unpunished. All helpful urges should be circumvented. No good deed goes unpunished. Sure, I meant well—well, look at what well-meant did. All right, enough—so be it. So be it, then: let all the world be agreed I'm wicked through and through. Since I cannot succeed, Dean, saving you I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again. Ever again. No good deed will I do again!
Dean: I wish we could find some triffids. They'd be fun to hunt.
Sam: Have you even seen the movie?
Dean: Read the book. Thousand times better.
Sam: Have you even seen the movie?
Dean: Read the book. Thousand times better.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 10:34 pm (UTC)*dies* Thanks for this. Yes, I do recognize where it came from too!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 10:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 10:50 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 10:54 pm (UTC)Xander, Xander, Xander... pretty much the only reason I watched BtVS. They did not use him to his full potential.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 11:01 pm (UTC)Icon came from
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 11:04 pm (UTC)I love the Chibis. They are far too adorable for their own good.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 10:56 pm (UTC)Dean: "No one of consequence."
Random bad guy, good guy, person: "I must know."
Dean: "Get used to disappointment."
Why, why can't I remember what that's from? I know, I just can't quite remmeber...
Oh, anyway, it was TONS of fun. *g*
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 10:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 11:12 pm (UTC)Thanks!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 11:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 11:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 11:44 pm (UTC)I really have to work "I am not left-handed either," into a conversation.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 11:55 pm (UTC)*g* I can't tell you how many times I've used "mostly dead"...and oddly, "Have fun storming the (whatever applicable here), boys!" Not much storming of anything goes on in my life, but I fit it in there.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 11:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 11:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 11:33 pm (UTC)(Oh, and the mental image of Meg in that role gave me QUITE the giggle fit.)
And all the song lyrics! Sadly, I’m afraid the impact of the next “Sam-goes-Dark-Side-after-something-happens-to-Dean” fic I read is going to be somewhat tainted by the remembered image of floppy-haired Sammy belting out ‘No Good Deed’
Thank you. That was lovely.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 11:46 pm (UTC)And that image really is quite funny, isn't it?
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-23 04:11 am (UTC)Oh yeah. "Big McClintok, wherrrre da whiskey?"
And the best part is that the natural followup is Dean turning her over his knee and paddling her rear. While CD stands there all "you tell her, boy"
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 11:34 pm (UTC)Where is this one from?
lilSam: Dean, why are there fairies in Daddy's room?
lilDean: What?
lilSam: They have purple wings and red claws and I think they want to kill us.
lilDean: Probably.
lilSam: Shouldn't you do something about it?
lilDean: Later.
lilSam: But--
lilDean: I said later, Sam. It'll be fine.
lilSam(muttering as he stalks away): That's what you said about the demon puppy, and he almost killed me.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-22 11:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-23 04:14 am (UTC)It was funny.
I love the little throw away lines (not so many on the show, but they're quite popular in fanfic) that open up a WHOLE new can of backstory worms.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-23 12:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-23 12:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-23 12:32 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-23 01:15 am (UTC)Bwahahahaha!!! Oh God, that one cracked me up so bad.
Loved these. All of them. Especially liked the ones from The Incredibles. Those were too priceless. :-D
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-23 02:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-23 01:21 am (UTC)Life As A House!!! And The Ref!! And you didn't even have to change the name for the quote from Life As A House... omg, now i'm having impure thoughts about Sam and Sam. nggghhh...
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-23 02:42 am (UTC)Impure thoughts about Sam and Sam? Well... I hadn't thought of it until you suggested it. Thanks.
bloddy brilliant!!
Date: 2006-06-24 01:25 am (UTC)Dean randomly bursts out laughing while driving
Sam: What's so funny?
Dean(gasping with laughter): Nothing.
Sam: If it was nothing, you wouldn't be laughing.
Dean(still gasping): I'm hav-having fish... tonight! (laughs harder)
Sam: Uh... huh.
Dean: Finding Nemo--the shark...
Sam: And that just flashed into your brain?
Dean(had almost calmed; resumes laughing): In his... Australian accent...
Sam(shakes head): You are the weirdest person I know, Dean.
Dean: I'm having fish tonight! (continues laughing)
this one was definetely my fav!
absolutely brilliant!!
Re: bloddy brilliant!!
Date: 2006-06-24 03:04 am (UTC)Thank you.
hehe. woops.
Date: 2006-06-24 01:28 am (UTC)in my anonymous person thing the subject was supposed to say "bloody brilliant!" not "bloddy brilliant" hehe. woops.
still completely brilliant!
Re: hehe. woops.
Date: 2006-06-24 03:04 am (UTC)Thank you again.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-24 05:43 am (UTC)Dean: That'll do, Sam, that'll do.
I think this is my favourite :D
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-24 12:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-30 03:25 pm (UTC)hey, where did this one come to?
prepilot
Dean: I can't believe you don't want to go to your own son's graduation.
John: It's not a graduation. He's moving from the 4th grade to the 5th grade.
Dean: It's a ceremony!
John: It's psychotic! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity, but if someone is genuinely exceptional...
i really really can't remember...
but anyhoo, you made me laugh so hard, i think my ribs popped out. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-06-30 05:13 pm (UTC)I'm glad I made you laugh.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-13 10:38 pm (UTC)BREAKFAST CLUB! I love these all, it's insane. Hilarious. =)
(no subject)
Date: 2006-09-14 03:38 am (UTC)