(no subject)

[tigriswolf]

So yesterday, I told my mom that I hate my brain because I keep finding new ways to guilty for not saving Gus.

She explained in detail how smoke inhalation works, that for a cat his size, with his bad lungs, it happened quickly.

I said, "So I was standing outside on the grass when he died."

Mom then gave me a list of worse outcomes for me, had I stayed to look:

1. Losing consciousness and being without air long enough to cause brain damage
2. Being trapped in a burn unit
3. Losing consciousness and dying

It doesn't really make me feel better, but I know it helps my family. They've told me often enough.

We also discussed how I can find closure, and we've decided to take a trip to the ocean in about a month, to release a biodegradable box or something, with the last picture I took of him and something I'll write between now and then. I feel slightly better, at least.

Also, I'm coughing more now, instead of less.

Comments

[classics-lover.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Can I do anything to help?

[tigriswolf]

Not really. Unless you can go back in time. Or cross an ocean to take my classes for me. *shrugs*

I just don't care about anything at the moment.

[classics-lover.livejournal.com]

If Mum wasn't stuck in hospital I would actually totally do that. *hugs*

[cattraine.livejournal.com]

Write a poem for Gus and put it in a bottle and toss it into the ocean.

[tigriswolf]

We're not gonna do a bottle because it'll be pollution, but I'll probably write a poem.

[noybusiness.livejournal.com]

Time is the great healer. Oft-said, but true.