Look Away - SN fic - PG13

[tigriswolf]

Title: Look Away

Fandom: “Supernatural”

Disclaimer: not my characters; just for fun.

Warnings: SPOILERS for “What Is And What Should Never Be”

Pairings: Dean/Carmen, Sam/Jessica, implied Dean/Sam

Rating: PG

Wordcount: 500
Point of view: third

 

           

            He still dreams of it… that life with Carmen and Mama, that life of normalcy and happiness, that life without Sam. He can still taste Carmen on his lips, feel Mama in his arms. He can see how Sam and Jessica looked, standing together, so free in their dreams. He can taste Mama’s cooking, just the shadow of a memory in waking hours. He smells Mama’s hair, the scent of roses. 

            And he feels that knife in his chest, tastes blood in his mouth, hears Sam’s panicked shouts. 

            He doesn’t want to wake. Doesn’t want to return to reality, danger and blood, fire and guns. Sam’s destiny, Dad’s death, Mama gone in flames. Sam without Jessica, hunters after them, FBI on their tail, no way out. 

            He doesn’t want Mama dead again, even if the price is hundreds of lives, of Dad gone in his sleep(and that’s such a better ending than Dean could ever have expected).

            Carmen is so soft in his embrace, so warm and real. Lasting. He could hold her forever(and he won’t think about what it means that she looks like Sammy. Just like he’s never thought about Jessica looking so much like him).

            Carmen is everything he’s ever wanted. She’s beautiful and funny and kind, and he understands her, even though he doesn’t know her—and she knows him, this him, the him that works in a garage and never visits his mother and doesn’t speak with the brother he’d die for.

            He still dreams of it, that life he’s never had, never admitted he’s longed for, a life of white picket fences and apple pie, a loving woman and steady job, a safe home and a hometown—

            A life lived without knowing what’s really out there, a life full of lies.

            But Mama feels so good… Carmen is so sweet… Sammy so happy, in California with Jess…

            (Not real, not real, not real… you’re being drained, you’re dying, open your eyes, it’s not real…)

            It’s so easy to sink into, to stop fighting, to forget about everyone who’s dead because he’s normal, to ignore the things he knows. 

            He visits Mama every day, works with Mike at the garage, lives with Carmen. Doesn’t call Sam except once a week, tries to become the brother Sam wants. Goes to Dad’s grave daily and tells him about every hunt he’s looked past. 

            (Wake up, wake up, wake up, open your eyes, you’re dying…)

            He wants it to be real so badly… wants Sam to have all that, wants Mama to have her life, wants to hold Carmen—but it’s not real and he’s dying. 

            (Not real, not real, you’re alone…)

            The knife burns, Sam’s eyes hurt him, Mama touches his face and her hand is icy. Carmen kisses him, Mama’s alive, Daddy’s buried in a graveyard instead of floating to the sky.

            (It’s not right, it’s not right, wake up, wake up, it’s not real, open your eyes before you die…)

            (Open your eyes, you're dying...)

Comments

[bubblesbrnaid]

*sniffle*

Excellent, as always.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you!

[missqteeone.livejournal.com]

and hour ago. wow. very good. I noticed the similarity in the looks too...hmm :D

[tigriswolf]

Thank you for reading!

[tru-faith-lost.livejournal.com]

Stunning, darling. Especially liked that third paragraph, as much poetry as prose. *smish* Best episode ever, BTW.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you so muhc!

[x5vale.livejournal.com]

Awesome, as always.

Powerful and intense.

Oh Dean..*cries*

[tigriswolf]

Thank you so much!

[apieceofcake.livejournal.com]

Lovely! Thank you :-)

[tigriswolf]

Thank _you_ for reading!

[jelloh0530.livejournal.com]

oh why! my eyes are still swollen from all the crying i did last night! and here - i find this lovely bit of writing, which made me cry even more.

oh boy. *sniff sniff* oh boy. why does kripke do that to him? and us!
*sits down and resigns self to day with tissues*
sigh. pretty work, darlin.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you so much!

[elusivesapphire.livejournal.com]

All these fics post 2.20 are going to kill me.

Great fic. Especially this line:
and he won’t think about what it means that she looks like Sammy. Just like he’s never thought about Jessica looking so much like him)
Oh boys, just admit your undying love for each other!

[tigriswolf]

They _totally_ should!

Thank you for reading!

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

Wow. There's something like poetry about the rhythm of this...aching and lyrical. Good stuff!

[tigriswolf]

Thanks!

[pixel-0.livejournal.com]

As always, you're the first one on my flist to post fic. :) Kudos!

Lovely and heartbreaking as it should be. It has a really nice rhythm to it and makes me want to hug Dean all the more. Amazing job.

[tigriswolf]

Thank you so much!

[sadelyrate.livejournal.com]

DEAANNNN!

Damn it. This series and you are just hellbent on breaking me, aren't you?
*snif*

That boy?
Needs a hug. Needs the Hug that will obliterate the YED and all its ee-fil minions from existence.

But at least we had Sam going "Thought I lost you for a second"...Boys!
*hugs you*

Also, repetition? Is your friend.

[tigriswolf]

Is it spoiling you to say that in the promo, it looked like we might finally get a hug?

So... repetition is a good thing?

[(Anonymous)]

this was so great! YOu sure do love torturing Dean! Poor boy.
-K

[tigriswolf]

*giggles* Thanks!