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I am now to the episode with Shiri Applebee: were we meant to like her character?

Okay, now I'm to the Gabrielle's daughter kills Xena's son storyline (WHO THOUGHT THIS DAHAK SHIT WAS A GOOD IDEA), and why doesn't Gabrielle stop to wonder how a toddler in a basket got to wherever the hell the centaur village is from England?

Note: Written October 23, 2016. I am very tired. This has been an exceedingly stressful year.

How do you know happiness?

Is it something you work for
Or something you are
Intrinsically?

Is it inside you spilling out
Or does it work outside in?

What does happiness feel like?
Is it a bonfire lighting the night
Or a candle in darkened room glimmering?
Is it a spark that blows out
Only to be lit again and again and again?

Is it a pond, a river, an ocean?
Is it in my blood or my tears?
Is it fleeting or does it last?

Is it known only in its absence
In hindsight once it’s gone?

How do I know if I’m happy?
Is it laughter for a little while
Is it the lightening of a load?
Is it smiling when something’s funny
Because smiles fade and laughter too.

Please tell me what happiness is.
I don’t know if I am.

Is happy something you work for
Or is it something that you are?

Title: patience and time
Fandom: Xena/Highlander
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: mostly takes place during Xena; references to violence/death. A bit of primordial Methos.
Pairings: none
Rating: PGish
Wordcount: 1500
Point of view: third
Note: title from this quote—The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. (Leo Tolstoy)

You have a gift, my dear, he tells her on a battlefield, her army on one side and his brothers on the other.

HOW IS IT OCTOBER GODDAMNED 19 AND THIS MAN IS STILL AN ACTUAL CANDIDATE THAT PEOPLE WILL ACTUALLY VOTE FOR?

HOW WAS HE NOMINATED, WHO THE FUCK BACKED HIM UP, HOW THE FUCK DID HE LIVE THIS LONG WITHOUT PISSING OFF SOMEONE WILLING AND ABLE TO KILL HIM?

HOW IS IT FUCKING OCTOBER 19 AND PEOPLE WILL VOTE FOR THIS PIECE OF TRASH WEARING A HUMAN SUIT?

I've now reached the Xena-in-Callisto's body arc, and Lucy Lawless and Hudson Leick are AMAZING holy shit. Lucy Lawless plays HOW MANY characters in this show?

For Xena, EVERYTHING happened ten years ago. She led her village against that jerkface, but she was also having her son and already an established warlord. She was with Borias but also Caesar. EVERYTHING HAPPENED TEN YEARS AGO.

I mean, I love this show so I can look past it. (Also the fact that Gabrielle was at Troy but also met Homer.) (And that Xena saves Isaac, knows David, but somehow gives Mary a donkey to ride to Bethlehem.)

And I somehow never managed to watch the last two seasons even though I've owned the entire series on DVD for years. ETA: on rewatch, I realize that my least favorite eps are the ones where Xena&Gabrielle interact with biblical figures. It throws me completely out of the story.

Also: where the hell is this show set, that they meet all these people?

ETA take 2: how long is the first season? Perdicas has time to stop being a farmer, learn to fight, and become a mercenary. It's longer than 9 months because Ephiny has time to carry a baby to term. Except, that baby is half horse, so is her pregnancy longer? This show makes ZERO SENSE but I LOVE it.

So I need someone to tell me that I’ll totally be able to write all the papers I have due over the next few weeks. I’m still in the research stage. But there’s one due on Halloween, one due November 14, and one due November 15. Then there’s the final project that I’m still not sure about.

I am never ever taking four classes a semester again. What the fuck was I thinking.

I’m watching this documentary on stuntwomen and these two women just started talking about periods like it’s, I don’t know, this normal thing that happens to women, and bodily functions that women have and I just had to pause and think, like, it is so cool. I’m not sure I’ve ever actually seen a scene like this in anything else.

Also, if I wanted to explore the history of writing, anyone got recs of books/articles/websites? Like, I’m reading Freire right now and it’s reawakened my eternal curiosity on who actually first thought, “Hey, I should write this down.” (I go through phases of wanting to know everything I can get my hands on about something.) So, I just went through the local library system’s website, searching ‘history of writing’ but that’s kinda broad.

Any ideas?

I’m going through the MCU fics I wrote so I can add the AU ones to my AU series tag, and it’s reminding me how I dropped out of the fandom in-between GotG and AoU. Now I’m wondering: is it the writer in me or the cynic that refuses to accept things that are counter to my interpretation because they make no sense, both in and out of canon? I’m very disappointed in what I’ve heard/read about the movies after GotG (some on tumblr, some on LJ, some from my lilsis who has seen them all), and angry about a bit of it. Lilsis thinks they’re entertaining movies, but she also doesn’t connect to characters or pull apart stories because she’s not a writer. She can just accept it at face value (unless it’s shitty humor stuff that degrades people) and move on with her life.

But I’m going through my fics, and it’s putting me back in that cynical, angry mindset of why I left the fandom in the first place. So maybe the cynic is the one who understands why certain characters/storylines aren’t treated with the respect they deserve, and the writer who is offended at the lazy writing, and the fan who is still pissed about it?

Why does a book need a foreword, a preface, and an introduction? That takes up 49 pages, all in Roman numerals. (I just looked and there's an afterword, too.)

So I'm the kind of person who asks, "What is the saddest possible pov to use for this story?" and then write it.

And, "Is it possible to make this sad idea sadder?" Yes, yes it is.

But, I suppose, at least I don't write dark/creepy as much anymore. Just fluff and angst, now.

Title: Nothing Less Than Poetry and Songs
Fandom: One Direction RPF
Disclaimer: some of them are real people and some aren’t; the fictional ones belong to me, the real ones belong to themselves.
Warnings: I am making shit up about how publishing works, how television shows work, and how fan conventions work. Please just go with it. References to past spousal abuse (emotional and physical). A lack of self-care and minor disordered eating. Talk of depressive episodes.
Pairings: Harry/Louis (eventually), past OMC/Louis, Nick Grimshaw has a crush on Louis
Rating: PGish
Note: I’ve done a little research into what university might be near Doncaster but it’s such a minor thing in the fic. If anything’s wrong, please just handwave it. I’ve also changed some things about the art festival for that university to suit my timeline. Also, nothing about the BBC office as mentioned is accurate, so please just go with it. Probably, the publishing house is wrong, too.
Another note: this is set in 2015-2016 but I’ve aged everyone in Harry & Louis’ families up by four years with the age differences remaining the same. Anyone else’s age has been changed at my whim.

Thanks be to

classics_lover for britpicking and betaing!

Louis’ popular book series is being turned into 9-episode show on the BBC, and there’s a man with curls he keeps bumping into.

So my cousin texted to ask if I was home, and when I replied that I’m at work, he texted back, “Don’t want to alarm you, but there may be an apt fire in your complex.”

So of course I called the office and the lady said that the fire isn’t us (and she’d also just sent out an email).

So I google ‘apt fires on [Street]’ and holy shit, across the interstate from us, there’s a major fire happening. My officemate’s sister sent video because she works down the street, and someone else she knows lives in the neighborhood behind the apts, so she sent video, too. It’s a bad fucking fire, and the people whose homes are being destroyed, where are they going to go? Everywhere is full.

I feel terrible for everyone who has been or will be affected by Hurricane Matthew, but at the same time I am so fucking happy it's not coming here, and I feel so guilty for feeling like that.

Title: Hold On to the Feeling and Don't Let It Go
Fandom: 1D RPF/The Walking Dead (TV)
Disclaimer: title from “Up All Night”; most of the characters mentioned are not mine because they are in fact real people who belong to themselves
Warnings: references to violence/death, minor original character death, references to non-con, grief, PTSD
Pairings: Louis Tomlinson/Harry Styles
Rating: PG13
Wordcount: 9000 at the moment, but I might write more

Thanks to

classics_lover, who betaed and britpicked the first part.

Part 1: A routine day during the zombie apocalypse.

Part 2: A slightly exciting day during the zombie apocalypse.

Give me a fic title and a number, please and thank you.

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?
2: What scene did you first put down?
3: What's your favorite line of narration?
4: What's your favorite line of dialogue?
5: What part was hardest to write?
6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?
7: Where did the title come from?
8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?
9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?
10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?
11: What do you like best about this fic?
12: What do you like least about this fic?
13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn't listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?
14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?
15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

Title: (the folly of) youth
Fandom: Merlin (BBC)/Doctor Who
Disclaimer: Merlin, Arthur, and 10 aren’t mine
Warnings: post-series for Merlin; at some point after Donna for Doctor Who
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 2230
Point of view: third

Note: I lean toward the Doctor being Ten, but that's up to you.

Another note: this ended up so much sadder than I thought it would.

There are fixed points in time, around which all else turns. The death of King Arthur is one of them.

Had a meeting with my new advisor, who actually seems to care about my interests AND me as a person, who had suggestions but also listened to what I said, who offered ADVICE and mentioned classes I should take, and professors I should talk to, and ACTUAL REAL INFORMATION.

Like, I don't know, who seems to actually like me as a person and want me to succeed.

This is amazing.

screaming loud enough to turn back the wind

i'm awake, and i'm young, and i'm alive

Xena query

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poem

fic: Xena/Highlander

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recs?

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reading for school

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RPF fic:

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1D RPF: Hold On to the Feeling and Don't Let It Go

anyone want to play?

Doctor Who/Merlin fic: (the folly of) youth

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