screaming loud enough to turn back the wind

I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF BEING A MEDICALLY INTERESTING CASE IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY.

Title: to ride
Fandom: Leverage
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: canon compliant AU (I assume); references to violence/death
Pairings: canon
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 640
Point of view: third
Prompt: Leverage, ensemble, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Job

( They've existed since the beginning, of course, though their forms varied. )


Title: how this story goes
Prompt: any, any/any, I love you doesn't mean I'll never leave you
Written December 2, 2015

( I never used the word forever. )



Title: legacy
Fandom: Chuck/White Collar
Warnings: way future!fic; implied character death; AUish as I’ve never finished either sieres
Pairings: Sarah/Chuck, Elizabeth/Peter
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 230
Point of view: third
Prompt: Chuck/White Collar, Neal Burke + Bryce Bartowski, they're best friends but they don't know that they were both named after the same man


( They meet at Yale, in the library, where they both reach for the same book and Bryce gets there first because he's taller. )



Title: When I Wake
Prompt: Any, any, What am I to do with all this silence?
Written: December 6, 2015


( The house is quiet now. )



Title: untitled
Fandom: Gilmore Girls
Warnings: supernatural AU
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount:100
Point of view: third
Prompt: Gilmore Girls. Rory (+any). Supernatural AU (as in the genre, not necessarily the TV show)

( Stars Hollow has secrets. )

Totally forgot I wrote this.

Title: past tense
Written: December 14, 2015



( You're a story that I read again and again. )

Title: begin again
Fandom: Highlander
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: violence/death
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 430
Point of view: third
Prompt: any, any/any, "Your definition of emergency and mine are vastly different."

( Once you've lived through the collapse of Rome, most things pale in comparison. )



Title: the rumors of my death
Fandom: Leverage
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: violence/death
Pairings: Parker/Hardison/Eliot
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 390
Point of view: third
Prompt: Leverage, ensemble, "I thought they'd killed you. I lost my temper."


( They send the video three days after they take Hardison. )





Title: power (the dark lord knows not)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: AUish, death/violence, dark
Pairings: none
Rating: 365
Point of view: third
Prompt: Any, any, "He'll kill you, and then he'll go to work on you."


( The second worst thing that ever happened in the world was that Harry Potter held all three Deathly Hallows at the same time, and that he walked to his death, knowingly and with acceptance. )



Title: The Worst of Us
Fandom: Highlander
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: references to violence/death
Pairings: none stated
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 130
Point of view: third
Prompt: any, any +/ any, The Worst of Us

( Which of the four was the worst? )




Title: snail mail
Written: November 23, 2015
Prompt: any. any. The empty house stands in silence.


( I checked the mail today. )

Title: Constructional Apraxia
Written: spring 2015

So, I have a minor learning disability. I was not informed about it until college. In spring 2015, I took a class where we had to write seven snapshots about something in our lives; I wrote two poems. This is one of them.

I was asked to read it aloud in class, which I barely managed. It wasn't until recently that I began feeling curiosity about my disability (disorder?), and it was difficult finding information on it. I'm also finally at peace with it.

( Numbers don't speak to me. )

Current physical ailments:

1) chronic migraines (I know the triggers and how to mitigate them - mostly under control)

2) jaw that isn't properly aligned (which causes horrific pain sometimes; sorta know how to mitigate it)

3) knee that has lost most of its cartilage (still figuring out what to do)

4) contact allergy that has caused a week of being unable to concentrate (in the process of making it go away; hoping it works)

5) any of this that constant stress will make worse (so... all of it?)


So. Anyone know how to lose weight while constantly stressed and unable to do cardio? I need to for my knee to ever get better, and also for my little sister's wedding in May, and possibly for a confidence booster. I had lost between 30 and 40 pounds before hurting my knee; I've since gained it all back, plus some because it's difficult to do anything when you can't use one of your knees. Of course, the weight gain only made things worse because of course it did.

I'll be defending my thesis in May, and then graduating in August. I'll also be going for an Education Specialist certificate in the fall. My little sister has moved in with her fiancé. I turn 28 on Monday. I don't know how to have a conversation with my advisor, or what I'll do with my degree. I'm sick of looking at my thesis, but I've spoken with one of my favorite teachers and sent her a copy to read over because I can ACTUALLY TALK to her like with we're both humans instead of robots.

I'm fucking terrified and in so much physical pain I sometimes can't think of anything else. If I didn't hurt all the time, I just think it wouldn't seem so overwhelming. But I do hurt all the time and I have to learn to deal with it, and I think most of the time I do.

But I realized yesterday that my imagination is so fucking powerful. I fall down rabbit holes and get lost. It's a good thing when I'm writing, or telling myself a story to pass the time. But when I'm thinking of what ifs... how do other people deal with it? In hindsight, I wonder how I ever graduated high school since I was daydreaming so much.

So I get paralyzed, I guess. I've been making shit up as a I go for three years now, and I finally have to decide what the fuck I'm going to do.

And I am in constant physical pain while having to decide important shit, and the only thing I can do about it will cause even more stress.

My knee hurts so fucking much. Like, I've known since I was fairly young that I have a very high pain tolerance. I also don't like showing when I'm actually in pain. But I think my knee hurts more than anything ever has before, and I've had migraines for ten years. And the cartilage is gone, and apparently, you can't get cartilage back. So weight loss.

I've been trying, but I stress/comfort eat. And my exercise routine was walking, before I stopped moving around because my knee quit working.

Again: anyone know how to lose weight when you're stressed/agonized?

(ALSO: my period will be next week and I've already got the migraine to prove it. Awesome.)

Just dropped off the rough draft of my thesis with my advisor. Consider me done for the holidays.

I AM FINALLY GETTING A FUCKING MRI OF MY KNEE.

Praise be to every god there ever was and all the ones that weren't.

I interviewed my little sister for one of my classes and had to record it so I could transcribe it, and listening to this is weirding me out. Like, since we both grew up, the two of us and our mom all sound the same on the phone to other people (though not to each other) but listening to this tape, she sounds more like me than I do. She sounds like the me I hear inside when I’m speaking, you know? Not the me on tape. It is SO WEIRD. I have never heard anyone else sound just like me. Is this how identical twins feel?

Title: the cost (be careful what you wish for)
Fandom: DCU animated
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: violence, death,
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 450
Point of view: third
Prompt: Dcu, jason todd (/+ any), monkey paw

( Be careful what you wish for. )



Title: (d)evolution
Fandom: Highlander
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: references to violence
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 230
Point of view: third
Prompt: any (besides Supernatural), any, I gave you all your scars but you gave me mine.


( As the ages pass, the stories change. )



Title: the horse and the rider
Fandom: Highlander
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: future!fic, references to death/violence
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 695
Point of view: third
Prompt: any TV show. any. Don't blame me for what you've lost.

( He has loved hundreds... )



Title: Once
Fandom: Cinderella (2015)
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: spoilers for the film
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 112
Point of view: first
Prompt: any, any, broken

( I was young like you. )




Untitled
Fandom: Tangled/Sleeping Beauty
Warnings: dub-con, dark, AU
Pairings: Maleficent/Flynn Ryder
Rating: PG13
Wordcount: 240
Point of view: third
Prompt: any, any hero/villain pair, Tell me a story that ends with death.

( Tell me a story. )