screaming loud enough to turn back the wind

Today has been so awesome so far! I really hope it continues like this, because it’s been the best morning I’ve had in a long time.

I shiver and want to cry every time I watch the last race in Secretariat.

Muscle relaxers are not conducive to doing schoolwork. Or focusing. I do have doctor's orders to not take stairs, so I've emailed my teacher (who is also my new advisor) about moving class Tuesday night if at all possible. The only elevator in that building has been broken for nearly a month, so I've gritted my teeth twice and taken the stairs but my knee screamed for the remainder of that night and the next day both times. What I don't understand is how the people who work in that building haven't raised a fuss to get it fixed. Isn't it breaking all sorts of regulations for accommodation?

I voted this morning; an hour in line, less than a minute at the booth.

Now I’m waiting to hear back from the doctor. Because my entire body is no longer hurting, I can tell where I might actually be injured (mildly). And it looks like there more damage (but still mild) to my car than I saw yesterday.

There was schoolwork I needed to do yesterday. There’s schoolwork I need to do today. But I literally do not give a shit. I’m not doing it.

But, amazingly, I actually slept last night because my aunt the nurse suggested a generic sleep aid. I fell asleep and STAYED ASLEEP ALL NIGHT LONG. I can’t remember the last time that happened.

And now I'm at the season 3 finale. Who the fuck thought up this Dahak shit? Argh. It's just -- WHY.

I am now to the episode with Shiri Applebee: were we meant to like her character?

Note: Written October 23, 2016. I am very tired. This has been an exceedingly stressful year.





How do you know happiness?

Is it something you work for
Or something you are
Intrinsically?

Is it inside you spilling out
Or does it work outside in?

What does happiness feel like?
Is it a bonfire lighting the night
Or a candle in darkened room glimmering?
Is it a spark that blows out
Only to be lit again and again and again?

Is it a pond, a river, an ocean?
Is it in my blood or my tears?
Is it fleeting or does it last?

Is it known only in its absence
In hindsight once it’s gone?

How do I know if I’m happy?
Is it laughter for a little while
Is it the lightening of a load?
Is it smiling when something’s funny
Because smiles fade and laughter too.

Please tell me what happiness is.
I don’t know if I am.

Is happy something you work for
Or is it something that you are?

HOW IS IT OCTOBER GODDAMNED 19 AND THIS MAN IS STILL AN ACTUAL CANDIDATE THAT PEOPLE WILL ACTUALLY VOTE FOR?

HOW WAS HE NOMINATED, WHO THE FUCK BACKED HIM UP, HOW THE FUCK DID HE LIVE THIS LONG WITHOUT PISSING OFF SOMEONE WILLING AND ABLE TO KILL HIM?

HOW IS IT FUCKING OCTOBER 19 AND PEOPLE WILL VOTE FOR THIS PIECE OF TRASH WEARING A HUMAN SUIT?

For Xena, EVERYTHING happened ten years ago. She led her village against that jerkface, but she was also having her son and already an established warlord. She was with Borias but also Caesar. EVERYTHING HAPPENED TEN YEARS AGO.

I mean, I love this show so I can look past it. (Also the fact that Gabrielle was at Troy but also met Homer.) (And that Xena saves Isaac, knows David, but somehow gives Mary a donkey to ride to Bethlehem.)

And I somehow never managed to watch the last two seasons even though I've owned the entire series on DVD for years. ETA: on rewatch, I realize that my least favorite eps are the ones where Xena&Gabrielle interact with biblical figures. It throws me completely out of the story.

Also: where the hell is this show set, that they meet all these people?

ETA take 2: how long is the first season? Perdicas has time to stop being a farmer, learn to fight, and become a mercenary. It's longer than 9 months because Ephiny has time to carry a baby to term. Except, that baby is half horse, so is her pregnancy longer? This show makes ZERO SENSE but I LOVE it.

I’m watching this documentary on stuntwomen and these two women just started talking about periods like it’s, I don’t know, this normal thing that happens to women, and bodily functions that women have and I just had to pause and think, like, it is so cool. I’m not sure I’ve ever actually seen a scene like this in anything else.