screaming loud enough to turn back the wind

This is just me ranting at the void, basically.

SO. Finally seeing an orthopedist on Wednesday. Saw a GP today who is training a baby doctor, and apparently, my left knee actually looks different than my right knee when moving around. Yay. Of course, the x-rays are completely normal, just the like the x-rays from March. However, the orthopedists at the clinic are first come, first serve, so I have to get there early.

Also, I’m back to waking up with migraines, even though I got a new splint for my jaw thing. The pain in my jaw itself goes away about an hour after I get up, but I’m still miserable for the rest of the day.

One of my classes has a major group project that’s basically a mini-thesis. This is a class you’re supposed to take in your first year of grad school. My advisor never mentioned that. Everything we’re learning? I learned the hard way. It’s hard to find motivation when I’m bitter and annoyed.

And to top everything off, my advisor is once again ignoring me. I’ve sent three emails (the third today) asking for a meeting so we can discuss one of the chapters of my thesis. We were supposed to meet last week, so I sent an email the week before. Then another last week. I finally texted her assistant, who I’ve had multiple classes with, and she suggested stopping by the office. Which I did last week and absolutely NO ONE was there, including all of the suitemates. So she then suggested sending another email because my advisor’s time is limited on campus.

Which is fucking A, isn’t it?

And in my other class, my final project is going to be another chapter of my thesis, and when I went over what I’m planning to do with the professor, she had all these revisions, so it’s another shit-ton of work that MY ADVISOR NEVER MENTIONED. But when the prof learned who my advisor is, she was like, “Oh, yeah, she’s awesome!”

Why is it that everyone else thinks this woman is amazing and I’m just over here, feeling like. Like shit. I’m not important. But when I’m actually in front of her, she’s all excited and so glad to see what I’ve done, and everything’s lovely. Is it out of sight, out of mind?

Title: The Last Master
Fandom: The Princess Bride/The Last Unicorn
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: pre-PB, way post-LU
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 155
Point of view: third
Prompt: The Princess Bride/The Last Unicorn, Inigo+the Unicorn, He has learned from all the great masters, there's only one left to learn from.


( He seeks the creature in the lilac woods. )



Title: unintended consequences
Fandom: Supernatural
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: AU during season 5
Pairings: John/Mary, Dean/Sam
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 380
Point of view: third
Prompt: Supernatural, Sam/Dean, the cupids aftermath of meddling with John and Mary = Sam and Dean's erotic codependency


( Platonic soulmates are in fact a thing. )




Title: lord of the storm
Fandom: Highlander
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Gilgamesh
Warnings: references to death/violence
Pairings: implied Methos/Kronos
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 375
Point of view: third
Prompt: any, any, "Only one rule: we all die in the end."


( The first thing Methos teaches each of his students, from the first to the last, is how to die. )








Title: mending
Fandom: Leverage
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: major character death; AU during The Grave Danger Job
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 115
Point of view: third
Prompt: Leverage (Spoilers for The Grave Danger Job), Parker+any, Hardison doesn't survive the burial and Parker wants revenge.


( Nate begs them not to. )



Title: Happiness
Prompt: Author’s choice, any/any, happy
Finished September 20, 2015

( Who we were together isn’t who I want to be. )

I want to light things on fire

I want to light things on fire

I want to light things on fire

I want to sob until I can't breathe and LIGHT MORE THINGS ON FIRE

I don't know if I'm more angry or frustrated anymore

BUT I WANT THINGS TO BURN AND BLEED UNTIL I FEEL BETTER.

Title: smile
Fandom: Supernatural
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: AU for season 3, death, sadness
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 310
Point of view: third
Prompt: SPN: Sam/Dean (Or Sam & Dean), the first and last time Dean saw his brother smile


( He doesn't look like much, Dean thinks, but he doesn't say it. )



Title: untitled
Original, gen, PG
Prompt: any, any, bad ending


( There’s so much blood. )



Title: I’m the lie living for you
Fandom: Fast & Furious
Disclaimer: Brian and Rome aren’t mine; title from Evanescence
Warnings: prejudice, depression, neglect of a child, mostly pre-canon
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 100
Point of view: third
Prompt: any. any. shapeshifter

In this verse

( There’s a beast living inside her little boy. )


Title: I miss most, even now, his hands
Fandom: Highlander
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Carol Ann Duffy
Warnings: references to death and violence
Pairings: Methos/Byron, Methos/Duncan, Methos/Kronos,
Rating: PGish
Point of view: third
Wordcount: 200
Prompt: Highlander, Methos/Duncan or Caspian or Byron or OMC, a way with his hands


( Byron had lovely hands. )



Title: infinite
Fandom: Highlander/Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: references to violence/death
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 250
Point of view: third
Prompt: Highlander/Buffy, Methos and Dawn, You don't live for 5000 years and remain perfectly sane but Methos knows better than to say anything about the glowing green power that other people think is a girl.


( She moves like a slayer, he thinks. )

Title: Friday’s Child (works hard for a living)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Disclaimer: most of them are my characters, actually, but the ones you recognize aren’t
Warnings: references to violence and WW2; AU way pre-canon
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1070
Point of view: third
Prompt: Harry Potter, Tom Riddle, He never went to Hogwarts, he trained himself in magic

Note: pretend Tom Riddle is two years younger or else ignore that The Blitz happens at the wrong time

Another note: I started a second part to this, but it stalled.


( After the wizard leaves, Tom runs. )

Title: If the world picked daises
Fandom: Harry Potter
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Anne Sexton
Warnings: AU, character death
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 300
Point of view: third
Harry Potter, Luna+/Neville, they're the only ones to survive



( Hogwarts falls in winter. )


Title: in the shadows
Fandom: The Black Jewels series
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: spoilers for Queen of the Darkness
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 145
Point of view: third
Prompt: any book. any. afraid of the darkness



( the living myth. )




Title: where the garden grows
Original, gen, PG. talk of violence/death
Prompt: Author's choice, author's choice, wasteland



( They call this land a paradise for they know not what came before. )






Title: Freedom
Original, gen, PG
Prompt: Author’s choice, any/any, summer rain storm



( walking in the rain. )





Title: All roads (lead to Rome)
Prompt: any. any. All roads lead to Rome. (aka. No matter how you twist canon, some things are meant to happen)
Written: July 1, 2015

Note: I composed this by singing into my phone while driving through a thunderstorm. *shrugs*



( The first time she tries, it all ends in fire; the second, in tears. )

How you know you're an adult: your parents tell you things that have been 'secret' all your life. Or not even 'secret,' really - just stuff they wouldn't tell a child.

I miss not being an adult.

So, yesterday I had to change the password for my insurance company's site and the security question was What are you afraid of? I couldn't think of what I must have answered when I set it up, so I called tigris_lilsis to ask her what she thought I might've used. She had no idea and then she said something interesting: "You're not afraid of concrete things."

Which... I'm not. I thought about it later, after getting my password changed by calling the company during their worker bee hours (also: that wasn't one of my questions, some sort of snafu, I guess), and I realized that what I'm actually scared of is outliving people.

I don't like boats but I've never been on one long enough to develop an actual fear. I don't like planes, but that's not a fear either. Rickety elevators freak me the fuck out but I'm pretty sure I'm not truly afraid. I don't like ghosts but again - not fear.

But the thought of surviving when people I love are dead - I can't even contemplate it. I actively avoid thinking about what I'll do. The only people who have died in my lifetime are my grandparents and my great-aunt, and my mother's cousin, who I barely remember. I've been lucky like that.

There are things I don't like, and things I avoid - but what I'm terrified of is surviving. I'm not sure what that says about me.

Jurassic World is AWESOME. So fucking good. Go see it!

Also, of the Chrises - Pine, Hemsworth, Evans, Pratt - Pratt is by far the most attractive. Like, hot damn.

Title: looks on tempests and is never shaken
Fandom: Elementary/Highlander
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: pre-Elementary, post-Highlander; spoilers for season 2 Elementary; child abuse
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1040
Points of view: third
Prompts: Elementary/any, Moriarty & any badass-violent-genius, who taught Moriarty ; Elementary, Irene Adler, Irene as a little girl


There's a fierce intelligence in her eyes when she meets his gaze defiantly, and he smirks, letting her know he knows her tricks.

This girl could be extraordinary, if she survives whoever has her now.