screaming loud enough to turn back the wind

So, I think my "partner" and I have a fundamental disconnect.

I sent her what I had of Paper 2 because my advisor advised I give the group one more week and see if things improved. We planned to meet tomorrow after receiving feedback over the weekend.

I received feedback that amounted to "this is not ready; keep working and we'll meet later."

I have been working on this paper since early in the summer. I am sick of looking at it and I don't know how to move forward. Which I told her. Because my belief of writing groups is that they help you figure out how to say what you want to say and turn it into something cohesive and great. Right? That's what all the successful groups have been saying.

But. She replied that her thought was that the writing groups are for exchanging 'submission to class' level papers. I don't have that yet. I have until December 1 to get that, which the writing group is supposed to help me do. After her email, I started crying frustrated tears because I don't understand why this isn't working. I keep getting dinged in my history class for not writing scholarly enough, and then this shit in my writing class, and the TA in my anthropology class marking up my formal proposal for all sorts of grammar things when I'm a fucking editor and have never written anthropology stuff before.

Just. Fuck grad school. Fuck it all with fire ants and tabasco sauce.

Anyway. Fundamental disconnect. I've emailed the teacher asking for clarification on what we're supposed to be using the writing groups for.

It's just. I've written about 80000 words of fic since September started. And I've been working on this lit review sine June. It's not even 3000 words, and most of that comes from a paper I cannibalized for this purpose. I've been reading quantitative lit reviews for work for 3 years, and the one I'm writing is supposed to be qualitative. It's different. I need help because I just hate it, now.

I don't even know. Eighty thousands words of fanfic. And that's been easy, it's just flowed (mostly). So why is writing for school so hard? It hasn't always been.

Anyone remember the headache I've had since July last year? It had mostly gone away until this fucking semester. And I don't have dental insurance, and then I have two special needs' cats, and.

Being a grown up is awful and I miss kindergarten every day.

Anyway. Off to write an email explaining how I organized the lit review to see if my partner feels like helping me at all.

So, I've made a post at my tumblr asking for commentary requests, should anybody have one.

You know what might be the most difficult part of writing? Not using y'all as a plural for you. Like, seriously.

Also, tigremere has been researching our family history and apparently we're related to a few pirates, a horse thief, and the current Queen of England.

SHIT, SHIT, SHIT: I seem to have begun something that's trying to become epic and I have no idea what to do.

Realizing it would be epic ahead of time has worked out PRECISELY ONCE. How do writers do this?

Title: knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend
Fandom: DCU animated/Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Donne
Warnings: Timeline – begins a couple months after Cap2 and just before Under the Red Hood would’ve happened. Discussion of death/violence/torture – basically, everything Red Hood and Winter Soldier’s respective backstories has. Discussion of various criminal enterprises and either the taking over or dismantling thereof. Actual violence, though nothing too graphic.
Pairings: Jimmy/Jason; past-Steve/Bucky; past-Talia Al Ghul/Jason
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 22000+ (WIP)
Point of view: third
Prompt: various
Note: I got the mobsters and gangs from the DCU wiki. I know nothing about their canon storylines.
Another note: The only Robins I’m at all familiar with are Dick, Jason, and Tim so the rest won’t be in this ‘verse.


On his way to Gotham, Jason Todd runs into a trying-to-rediscover-himself-ex-Winter Soldier.

Title: Live as I have lived and love as I have loved
Fandom: Avengers moveiverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Lord Byron
Warnings: major character death, violence, brainwashing, torture, roaring rampages of revenge, identity issues, suicidal ideation, survivor guilt, and victim blaming by the victim
Pairings: Steve/Bucky
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 2865
Point of view: third
Prompt: Any, any, Dopplegangland [BTVS]


"Oh, shit," Tony says. "Please don't be a Winter Soldier."

Mirror!Steve's eyes go straight to him, face as blank as Robocop's. "Stark," he says calmly. "I know I killed you."

Title: Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: if you recognize the character, they are not mine. The original characters, however, are. Title from Langston Hughes. Some of the quotes are from either of the Cap movies; some I made up because they seemed like things Bucky might say.
Warnings: implied bad things happening to a child in the past; everything the presence of the Winter Soldier implies; talk of violence/death/roaring rampage of revenge; Steve is hella depressed.
Pairings: pre- and post-Steve/Bucky. Natasha/Clint, Pepper/Tony, Jane/Thor.
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 24000
Point of view: third
Note: This was written for a few prompts; each is mentioned at the top of the chapter.


In the aftermath of Project Insight, the ex-Winter Soldier finds a child. She adopts him so he adopts her right back. And so begins the healing process.

Title: The sun dies in your arms
Fandoms: Avengers movieverse/Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Anne Sexton
Warnings: AU for MCU; way preseries for BtVS; talk of violence/death
Pairings: Steve/Bucky
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 530
Point of view: third
Prompt: Buffy/MCU, always-a-girl!Steve +/any, Brooklyn happens to be right on top of a Hellmouth; Steve's the Chosen One
Note: Definitely inspired by Darth Stitch’s Count Buckula ‘verse



( Stevie Rogers is the Slayer. Of course she is. )



Title: lay low and watch the bridges burn
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Black Roses
Warnings: spoilers for Winter Soldier; Clint’s got a pottymouth; talk of violence/assassinating
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 695
Point of view: third
Prompt: MCU, Clint Barton, anything for this song (Black Roses, from Nashville)

( Who is Clint Barton when he’s by himself? )



Title: the true pleasures of life
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: post Cap3
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 155
Point of view: third
Prompt: Any, any, Sharktopus

( Bucky Barnes’ second favorite thing in his new life. )



Untitled
Wordcount: 95
Gen, PG, poetry
Prompt: any, any, he/she never thought it would end this way

( did you think I would dare? )




Title: the next day
Wordcount:
Gen, PG, poetry
Prompt: any, any, when it comes down to it, there's no such thing as "the end"

( eyes open )

Title: where there are no keepsakes
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Anne Sexton
Fandom: Harry Potter/Avengers movieverse
Warnings: AU, of course. Also, I have several problems with Dumbledore’s actions throughout the course of the series, so while he is not straight up evil here, he is manipulative!Dumbledore, so warnings for that, I guess? Also, there is grief/anger. Also, I am so very much handwaving timelines. So even though the technology doesn’t fit, Avengers/Captain America 2/all of those movies happen in the early 2000s, okay? So Harry’s first year would be in 2014. Also, Thor 2 & Iron Man 3 happened, but Pepper kept extremis.
Pairings: Steve/Bucky, Thor/Jane, Pepper/Tony, Clint/Natasha/Sam/Darcy, James/Lily
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 6810
Point of view: third
Prompt: Harry Potter Raised By Avengers

I just love crossover fics. Especially ones with Harry Potter. So prompt: The Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes, has been running around Europe slowly remembering and evading Steve because he can't face what he's done and in England he is just hanging out on a street one night when he sees some old man leave a baby on a doorstep with a note. That just doesn't fly because he leaves a baby on a damn doorstep at night? So his protective instincts kick in, he takes one look at the letter, sees the kid's name is Harry and watches over him for the night to make sure nothing bad happens (cause he's not just going to kidnap a kid alright). But in the morning things go from bad to worse when that woman screams and makes a fuss.

So he decides screw it and takes the kid. And then goes to Steve because after everything he's done he's no good for a kid right?

Wrong. He and Steve end up raising the boy in the Avengers tower and Dumbledore is going to have a hell of a time trying to get Harry to Hogwarts when that kid turns eleven.



WHERE IS HARRY POTTER? was the headline for weeks; every morning, it sent a shard of grief through her.

She stalks up the winding staircase, gives Severus, already sitting across from Albus, a nod, and then asks, “Well, Albus?”

Albus smiles at her, eyes twinkling behind those ridiculous spectacles. And then he says the four words that change everything: “I have found him.”

Title: a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
Fandom: Hobbit movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Maya Angelou
Warnings: modern-day AU; mentions of torture/kidnapping; victim blaming by the victim; suicidal ideation; in my head, both Fili&Kili have been sexually assaulted -- Kili way in the past, Fili during the story, though off-screen. None of it is directly stated or shown, but the implications are there
Pairings: pre-Tauriel/Kili
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 2150
Point of view: third
Prompt: The Hobbit (Film), Tauriel/Killi, Avengers AU (Kudos if they are like Clint/Natasha)



“I’ve a puppy following me,” Tauriel tells Legolas over the phone. Sindarin means no tap works because only a handful of people in the world know the language. She and Legolas made sure of that.

“How long until you put him out of his misery?” Legolas asks.