screaming loud enough to turn back the wind

So, I think my "partner" and I have a fundamental disconnect.

I sent her what I had of Paper 2 because my advisor advised I give the group one more week and see if things improved. We planned to meet tomorrow after receiving feedback over the weekend.

I received feedback that amounted to "this is not ready; keep working and we'll meet later."

I have been working on this paper since early in the summer. I am sick of looking at it and I don't know how to move forward. Which I told her. Because my belief of writing groups is that they help you figure out how to say what you want to say and turn it into something cohesive and great. Right? That's what all the successful groups have been saying.

But. She replied that her thought was that the writing groups are for exchanging 'submission to class' level papers. I don't have that yet. I have until December 1 to get that, which the writing group is supposed to help me do. After her email, I started crying frustrated tears because I don't understand why this isn't working. I keep getting dinged in my history class for not writing scholarly enough, and then this shit in my writing class, and the TA in my anthropology class marking up my formal proposal for all sorts of grammar things when I'm a fucking editor and have never written anthropology stuff before.

Just. Fuck grad school. Fuck it all with fire ants and tabasco sauce.

Anyway. Fundamental disconnect. I've emailed the teacher asking for clarification on what we're supposed to be using the writing groups for.

It's just. I've written about 80000 words of fic since September started. And I've been working on this lit review sine June. It's not even 3000 words, and most of that comes from a paper I cannibalized for this purpose. I've been reading quantitative lit reviews for work for 3 years, and the one I'm writing is supposed to be qualitative. It's different. I need help because I just hate it, now.

I don't even know. Eighty thousands words of fanfic. And that's been easy, it's just flowed (mostly). So why is writing for school so hard? It hasn't always been.

Anyone remember the headache I've had since July last year? It had mostly gone away until this fucking semester. And I don't have dental insurance, and then I have two special needs' cats, and.

Being a grown up is awful and I miss kindergarten every day.

Anyway. Off to write an email explaining how I organized the lit review to see if my partner feels like helping me at all.

Does anyone remember my Merlin-reincarnated-at-Hogwarts story? I've been working on it again. I wrote myself into a corner for a few months, then wrote myself out of it and into another, then wrote myself out of that one - and now I have no idea what's going on. I just wanted Merlin to kill Umbridge, okay? And now I have Hogwarts herself killing Ms. Professor Carrow, and the house elves are about to have an insurrection, because while original!flavor Merlin didn't set them free, raised-as-a-modern-day-muggle-in-Britain!flavor Merlin doesn't like slavery all that much. *sigh* (Also, house elves originated in Ancient Rome. And have clans. And some of them are happy with the system, and some of them aren't, and while Emrys doesn't care about humans on the whole all that much, some things are just wrong, okay? And he's got the power. So why the fuck not, you know? His moral system is essentially what his parents and Arthur think might be wrong, and his parents are muggles in modern-day Britain, and Arthur's family doesn't keep house elves, except for the ones his dad pays to work at his book shop. *hands*)

I have no idea what's going on, but this 'verse is just so much fun.

I'm at about 7300 words for Year 2 and the only thing I know for sure is that Emrys won't be killing Voldemort because Voldemort never makes it personal.

ThievingJess and "McDreamy"(by the way, about that nickname: the hell?) made the sexiest men alive.  Dean and Sam did not.

Color me at a loss.