screaming loud enough to turn back the wind

Title: there's really no difference in who he was once
Fandom: Avengers movieverse/Criminal Minds
Disclaimer: not my characters; title and prompt from "Just Be Simple" by Songs: Ohia
Warnings: modern-day AU; talk of violence/death
Pairings: Steve/Bucky
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1405
Point of view: third
Prompt: any, any, and everything you hated me for, honey, there was so much more - I just didn't get busted
Note: written for the theme “300 words.” But it didn’t want to stay that short. *hands*



(  They get out of the army together and then just -- fade away. He wakes up one day from dreams of blood and screams and Bucky's gone. )

So, today I bought The Epic Love Story of Captain America and Winter Soldier on the way to work, got the okay from my advisor to take another extra semester for my Master's, informed my boss I'd like that extra semester, wrote possibly the saddest (autobiographical) poem I've ever written, posted the poem to LJ, deleted the poem, and then watched The Epic Love Story of Captain America and Winter Soldier after I got home from class.

(Most) Every Tuesday, I sit in with a class of adult literacy student as research for my thesis. Most of them are older than my dad; most of them have grandkids. This morning, for whatever reason, as the teacher talked about grandparents and grandkids, it just really hit me -- I don't have grandparents. I never really have. And, for whatever reason, I really wanted to write about that today, and it turned into a poem.

I can't talk about it with my little sister because she doesn't want to. I won't talk about it with my parents because -- well, it's their parents. And my closest (only) RL life friend had a very close relationship with her grandma, who died fairly recently.

*sigh* So I wrote a poem. I almost cried at work. I think it's the most personal thing I've written in a long time, which is why I deleted it.

I don't know what to do with the poem. I don't want to reread it just as much as I want to.

I guess... what I really want is grandparents. They seem cool.

Title: figures dancing gracefully across my memory
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: pre-canon through post-Avengers; implied bad things happening to children
Pairings: Natasha/Clint
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 450
Point of view: third
Prompt: MCU, Clint/Natasha, contrary to popular belief, he's the clean/neat one after the discipline of the military and she's the one who lives in organized chaos



( For a very long time, Natasha doesn’t have 'things.' )



Untitled
Original, PG,
Gen, 190 words
any, any, a messy end to an equally messy life.



( There is no retiring. )



Title: Twirling down time’s corridors I see your shadow dancing
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Olga Levertoff
Warnings: Spoilers for everything 'til WS. Memory issues, sadness, talk of violence.
Pairings: Clint/Natasha, a little implied Steve/Bucky, past-Natasha/Bucky if you read it as such
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 720
Point of view: third
Prompt: MCU, Clint/Natasha +/ Bucky, If Bucky was her Winter Soldier, then Clint was her summer soldier



( Once, she thinks, they danced. )



Title: expecting the unexpected
Fandom: Highlander/Supernatural
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: AU
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 355
Point of view: third
Prompt: Highlander/Supernatural, Methos & Castiel (& Jimmy), Jimmy was raised by Methos
Note: I figured a Jimmy raised by Methos wouldn't be all that good of a Christian, if he was a Christian at all. So no Amelia and no Claire, meaning Jimmy's the last possible vessel for Castiel.


( The first time the angel speaks to him, he listens, waits for the angel to leave, and then he calls Dad.  )



Title: what history knows
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: Talk of brainwashing/torture/violence/death/mayhem. Post-Cap2.
Pairings: Steve/Bucky
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 780
Point of view: third
Prompt: Any, any/any, Everyone Says I Love You [Revolution]


( History knows that Bucky Barnes loved Captain America. )

Title: As alone as a little white church in the middle of the desert getting burned
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Fall Out Boy
Warnings: AU during Winter Soldier; mentions of torture/death/brainwashing
Pairings: Steve/Bucky
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 2040
Point of view: third
Prompt: Bucky/Steve, Red string of fate, Steve doesn't recognise it
Okay, so we know that MCU Steve used to be colour-blind. It's inconvenient in a world where there are intangible strings connecting you to the most significant people in your life. Your romantic soul-mate, your best friend, your mentor, etc. And they're all different colours. But Steve can't even see that the string connecting him to his best friend is the red of romantic soul-mates. And Bucky doesn't consider that Steve just can't tell; just assumes that Steve doesn't want him as a lover, so he sticks with friendship. And Steve thinks that whatever the string is connecting him to Bucky is the best friend colour, so...

Then after the serum, Steve can see the world in colour! But he doesn't know where Bucky is. But... colour! Now, if only he actually knew which of these colours is red... Because no one actually bothers to teach him what the colours look like. The grass is green, right? (Except they happen to in a place where the grass is brown from not being watered.) The sky is blue? (Except it's sunset, so the sky is actually purple and yellow and pink and cloudy.)

So when Steve and Bucky are back together again, Steve is still in the dark, and so happy about finding his best friend that he doesn't even think about asking what colour their string is. Best friends, right? So that's [insert colour]. (Which becomes inconvenient when he thinks that someone's blood is the wrong colour, because that's the friendship colour, and true love is red, just like blood is red, and... oh.)

And then Bucky dies. Steve studies up on the colours, angsts, crashes his plane, wakes up seventy years later, and so on.

The Winter Soldier knows about the colours from conversations he's heard, and he knows that the star on his metal arm is red. Red is for true love. So why is this man with a shield connected to him with the red string of fate?

TL,DR: Colour-blind!Steve doesn't realise that the string connecting him to Bucky is red, and doesn't study up on the colours until after Bucky dies. Years later, the Winter Soldier sees a red string connecting him to his enemy.



He never loses color, though he does not know what they mean. Grass is green, the sky is blue, his left arm and hand are silver, the star on his silver shoulder and blood are both red, his skin is a pale peach save for the silver arm, he is always clothed in black. There are bands around his wrists, fine as hair, that are as red as blood, and they chain him to the technicians and the handlers and the ever-changing men who give the orders he must follow. There is one band, on his right wrist, that is not red – it is a blue so faded it barely has any color at all. He does not know what it means. He does not ask.

Title: The old hope is hardest to be lost
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Warnings: post-Avengers 2 & Cap3; insecurity issues
Pairings: Steve/Bucky
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 615
Point of view: third
Prompt: Any, Any, "No weapons, no friends, no hope. Take all that away and what's left?"



( He spent 25 years as a little guy and then 3 as Captain America, so when the pulse of light hits him and he's suddenly a foot shorter and wheezing, it doesn't even faze him. It's everybody else that freaks out. )




Title: the glory and the freshness of a dream
Fandom: Political Animals
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Wordsworth
Warnings: post-series; talk of suicidal ideation
Pairings: mentions of canon couples
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 685
Point of view: third
Prompt: Political Animals, TJ/+any or gen, learning to be happy again
Note: Okay, so I figured the show was set in May/June/July, somewhere in there, right? TJ tried to kill himself six months before the premiere, and that was in December. So: Juneish or Julyish


(  He's got a BA in Political Science because he thought he'd be going into the family business. He spent almost five years nearly totally clean, and he was doing so good - but he was utterly miserable the whole time, forcing himself through the motions because he wanted to be good, to make them all proud. )



Title: Lazarus smiled the smile of the dead
Fandom: Political Animals
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Anne Sexton
Warnings: pre-series
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 250
Point of view: third
Prompt: Political Animals, TJ + Doug, Doug read his journal once when they were kids
Note: Yes, that is a nod to Kings.


( TJ used to write these stories and he never wanted anybody to see them. )




Title: They say before you start a war, you better know what you're fighting for
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from "Angel with a Shotgun"
Warnings: talk of animal cruelty and violence/death
Pairings: Natasha/Clint
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 815
Point of view: third
Prompt: MCU, Clint/Natasha, Angel with a Shotgun


( The few friendlies at SHIELD used to talk about Clint Barton's penchant for strays. )



Title: Climb into my arms with blood on your clothes
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from "A Glow"
Warnings: violence/death/torture; post-WS
Pairings: Steve/Bucky leanings, for sure
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 740
Point of view: third
Prompt: MCU, Steve/+Bucky, Okkervil River - A Glow


( Once upon a time, there were too little boys who grew up hungry and grew up mean. )

Title: untitled
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: pre-canon
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount:
Point of view: third
Note: Okay, so, I'm fairly sure it's canon that Steve Rogers was born on July 4, 1918? And there is some dispute about Bucky Barnes' actual birthday (3 different dates given in the movieverse alone), so I'm just picking a date and going with it: March 18, 1918.
Another note: yes, I know it sucks.

Prompt: Any, Any,

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.



(  James Buchanan Barnes was born on a Monday. )



Title: sleep wake hope and then
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my character; e.e.cummings
Warnings: post-Winter Soldier; aftermath of torture/brainwashing
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 255
Point of view: third
Prompt: Captain America movies; Winter Soldier; Sleep doesn't come easy


( He does not remember how to sleep. )




Title: whose dust was once all fire
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Byron
Warnings: AU during The First Avenger; AU for everything after; post-apocalyptic
Pairings: Steve/Bucky
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 720
Point of view: third
Prompt: any, any, sleeping for 100 years

( He wakes up shivering. )



Title: Good Fairies are not necessarily Nice Fairies
original, gen, 310 words
Warnings for past animal death, cruelty to animals
Prompt: Fairy tales, Any, a Fairy overhears someone saying animals don't feel pain the same way humans do, and decides to prove them wrong by changing them into an animal.

( Being a <i>good</i> fairy does not make you a <i>nice</i> fairy. )



Title: the taste of the sky
Original, gen, 340 words
Prompt: any, any + any dragon or pegasus character, riding/flying in the moonlight

( Skychildren are rare; Etana hasn't seen one of her kind in -- a long time.. )

Title: tempest in a teacup (don’t wake the sleeping ones)
Original, gen, PG
120 words
Prompt: Any, any, eldritch abomination in disguise
Note: follows this


( He turns to watch her come, sunlight glinting off her hair. )




Title: find all those places you must’ve dreamed of
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Emmylou Harris
Warnings: post-Winter Soldier
Pairings:
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 290
Point of view: third
Prompt: Any, any,

Throughout his life the same –
He's battled constantly.
This fight he cannot win –
A tired man they see no longer cares.
("Unforgiven," Metallica)



( He leaves the museum and he walks. )





Title: untitled
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: Bucky&Steve aren’t mine
Warnings: post-Avengers 2/Cap 3
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 100
Point of view: third
Prompt: any, any, "if you don't get out of my way, I'll f*cking kill you."


( A baby agent gets between the Winter Soldier and his mission. )




Title: tell the world, “no, you move”
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: only the narrator (and the boy he remembers) isn’t mine
Warnings: post-Winter Soldier; a drunken attempted sexual assault and everything that the presence of the Winter Soldier implies
Pairings: gen, really
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 620
Point of view: second
Prompt: Any, any + someone incredibly irritating/stupid, "Urge to kill, rising..."
Note: I wrote a second part to this that topped 4000 words but I’ve yet to decide what to do with it.


( Once upon a time, you knew someone who would've marched over there, planted himself firmly, and offered the girl a hand, with a speech that the drunk wouldn't remember, even if he did let it play all the way out. )





Title: but only because you were gone
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Anne Sexton
Warnings: AU during Winter Soldier; character death; implied violence/torture
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 500
Point of view: third
Prompt: Marvel, dark!Charles Xavier and/or dark!Steve Rogers and/or dark!any-Marvel-character-who-is-usually-depicted-as-sunshine-and-rainbows, Peace was never an option


( When Captain America sends out the call to arms, there is no Winter Soldier attacking those loyal to SHIELD. )

Title: the truth of how flowers smash through the long winter
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: everyone except the Avengers and Bucky are mine; title from Anne Sexton
Warnings: post-WS; mentions of what might happen in Avengers 2; talk of suicide/violence; I know nothing about owning/operating a restaurant except what Kitchen Nightmares told me
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1970
Point of view: third
Prompt: MCU, any, superheroing doesn't pay that well so s/he has a side job


Three days after he retired, months after the mess in DC, Bob hobbled his way into the diner and told Yasmin, “I’ve found a boy who could take my place.”

How do you define reading? What is reading to you?

(Working on my thesis. It's been raining for 10 hours. My head hurts. I want to go back to kindergarten and not have to worry about anything anymore.)

So, I need someone who is not me to read over a fic I wrote today. It's about 4250 words of outside pov on the Avengers movieverse, starring OCs with cameos from a few familiar faces. I did not intend for it to get so long but the story kept saying, Nope, not finished yet.

And I am not at all sure it makes sense outside my head, or that the narrator experiences genuine growth, instead of me just saying, Here's what should've happened. *hands*

Any takers?