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So, ever since I saw The Epic Love Story of Captain America and Winter Soldier for the first time, I've been making up a story in my head where Winter Soldier is in NYC, heading back to his handlers at the end of a mission, and he comes across a pack of boys picking on a littler boy. Now, that doesn't bother Winter Soldier at all -- but it wakes up a voice in the back of his mind, and what happens is that WS actually kidnaps that kid because all he knows is that he has to protect him.

That kid is Peter Parker.

Today, at work, I finally began writing it -- and the power went out. I hadn't saved the document and I had to head to class before the power came back on, so I don't know if it's recoverable, but I recorded what I could remember on my way to class, and then I began trying to rewrite it with pen&paper, and I even jotted down various ideas of what needs to be fleshed out. But I had a very detailed timeline on the computer, and I know I have yet to remember everything that was on it, which is annoying.

In my head, the story is so epic, and it spans at least ten years (from when WS takes PP, to just after Cap2 ends), and there are so many things that'd need explanation.

Of course, the last time I planned a story this epic, it never got to be more than about 1000 words, but we'll see.

WHY is it so hard to write for school? Like, all I have left is the Discussion + Conclusion of this mini-casestudy I'm doing, and I've gone completely blank. *headdesk*

So, I have two papers due as final projects for two of my classes, both around 12 pages long. One is about Beauty and the Beast; I'm comparing various children's picture books, trying to analyze how the illustrations affect the perception of the story. I've chosen 8 versions. The problem is that I've only analyzed 4 of the books so far and what I have is already 15 pages (double-spaced, which I hate) long. *sigh* I think I know how to trim it down, but I still have to do the "academic" analysis of how books affect children/how kids read. It'll probably be total BS with a few generic quotes I found in articles. The "rough draft" is due next Wednesday, by email.

The second paper is a mini casestudy about gateway literature for adult learners, and I really have no idea what to do for the literature review. I haven't found anything completely applicable on the topic because, I think, no one's really written about it before. *sigh* The completed paper, with any appendices or works cited, is due April 22. So far, I have 2 pages of a draft, as well as my data (observations and an interview) and the three or so articles that I will BS into the literature review. (I'll also explain how I've been unable to find applicable data and why, which should be at least a paragraph.)

(When I explain what my grad school projects are (so much writing), my little sister is horrified. I've been saying I have a degree in bullshit since my BA is in English.)

And then there's my third class, which I have just completely given up investing energy in. I've spent the entire semester hating it, and I just don't have the drive to do that anymore. So I no longer care, either way.

This has been a very stressful semester.

Title: Red
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: the shadowfox is a creepy dude. Shades of implied non-con.
Pairings: gen
Rating: PG/13
Point of view: third
Wordcount: 200
Prompt: red

( The fox laughs. )

Title: Orange
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: mentions of multiple canon character deaths. AU.
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 640
Point of view: third
Prompt: orange

( Flames flicker in his memory even though the fire was only smoldering when he got there. )

Title: Yellow
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: canon character death; grief
Pairings: Claudia/Sheriff
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 440
Point of view: third
Prompt: yellow
Note: my headcanon 'real name' for Stiles is Allandros

( Stiles is pretty sure there’s never been a day he wasn’t afraid of something. )

Title: Green
Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)/mythology
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: crossover with multiple mythologies; canon character death
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 800
Point of view: third
Prompt: green

( Allison gasped as her eyes opened to a bright blue sky. )

Title: Blue
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: mentions of canon character death; mind games; ambiguous ending
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 125
Point of view: third
Prompt: blue

( He dreams in shades of blue, in the after. )

Title: Indigo
Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)/Supernatural
Warnings: mentions of child death; bad decisions due to grief; a history of family dying young; AU during Insatiable; possibly AUish for Supernatural (I really have no idea); also, when it comes to the shadowfox, I reject canon's reality and substitute my own. Still – unreliable narrator.
Pairings: Claudia/Sheriff, Claudia's parents
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1280
Point of view: third
Prompt: indigo
Note: until canon informs us otherwise, my headcanon has the sheriff's name as some form of Alexander.

( Claudia Stilinski could’ve been somebody extraordinary, someone remembered by more people than her childhood friends, her husband, and her son. )

Title: Violet
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: major (non-canonical) character death; grief
Pairings: Sheriff/Claudia
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 80
Point of view: third
Prompt: violet

( Purple is the color of royalty. )

DUDES!!! My mom made history. How awesome is that?

Dudes! The epic lovestory of Captain America and Winter Soldier rocks so hard!!

See, the thing is, I’ve basically had a headache since July. First I saw my neurologist, who sent me to my regular doctor, who sent me to my dentist, who sent me to a specialist. The specialist finally sent me to the orthodontist I had in middle school.

See, the thing is, the orthodontist just told me that my options are: permanent orthodontics, jaw surgery, or to keep doing what I’ve been doing. The specialist created a mouthpiece that corrects my bite and I wear it every night, and during the day when I feel I need to. What I’m doing right now is treating the symptom – which, yay, that’s great when everything’s awesome. That doesn’t help my stress headaches, or my migraines – just the headaches that are from the TMJ.

I had braces in middle school and wore the rubberbands 23 hours a day. I had a permanent retainer on the lower jaw; it was removed so I could have an MRI for my migraines and never put back. Did that lead to this current problem? Who the fuck knows.

So, permanent orthodontics, jaw surgery, or just keep treating the symptom. Because my bite is pretty terrible, even if the teeth themselves seem to be fine. According the specialist, I’m an “interesting case” and difficult to treat because my tongue is kinda big and my teeth are kinda small. Gotta love being the interesting case, right?

I’m just so tired of my head hurting.

Untitled
Original, 600 words
PG, gen
Prompt: Any, any, the first ___ is also the last

( They call her Maya, when they find her, bloody on the side of the road. )

Title: we dance the best we know (4)
Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Kate Seredy
Warnings: Goes AU during Letharia Vulpina, and AUish for everything that came before. Mentions of violence/death
Pairings: Some pre-Sterek feels
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 495
Point of view: third
Prompt: author's choice, any, like something out of a Edgar Allan Poe story

Previously

( Something's been wrong with Stiles since the nogitsune. )

Title: we dance the best we know (5)
Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Kate Seredy
Warnings: Goes AU during Letharia Vulpina, and AUish for everything that came before. The beginnings of a panic attack. Mentions of violence/death.
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 560
Point of view: third
Prompt: any, any, waking up and discovering you've misplaced something important

( He wakes up alone in his head. )

Title: to the fairest
Fandom: Greek mythology
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: spoilers for Greek mythology; a bit of implied dub-con due to a meddlesome goddess
Pairings: Paris/Helen, Menelaus/Helen
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 150
Point of view: third
Prompt: Greek mythology, Helen, love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right

( how the Trojan War really started. )

Title: dragon’s breath
Original, 440 words
PG, gen
Prompt: Any, any +/ any, "Dragonslaying's a great sport. If you survive."
Note: In the dragon’s breath verse.

( His name is Ionza and he's about to die. )

Title: untitled
Fandom: Lord of the Rings
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: spoilers for Gollum’s plotline; takes place during The Hobbit
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Point of view: third
Wordcount: 100
Prompt: Lord of the Rings, Gollum, the dark under the dark

( The precious whispers, down in the deep dark, away from the grasping goblins and the booming king. )

Title: untitled
Fandom: Glee
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: Cooper exists
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 39
Point of view: third
Prompt: Glee, Blaine, the 5 most important men in his life

( 5 men Blaine loves. )

Title: we shall thirst in Hades, in the blood of our children
Fandom: Supernatural
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Denise Levertov
Warnings: violent imagery
Pairings: none
Rating: PGish
Wordcount: 275
Point of view: third
Prompt: SPN, Torture-Master Dean, being this bad shouldn’t feel so damn good

( It was easy. That's what haunts him later, out of the Pit and in a (soft) bed, listening to his brother snore, angel brand aching on his shoulder. )

Title: we dance the best we know (2)
Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Kate Seredy
Warnings: Goes AU during Letharia Vulpina, and AUish for everything that came before.
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 545
Point of view: third
Prompt: Author's choice, author's choice, "Death plays dice with a knucklebone, and the Devil cheats at cards. Ain't nobody sayin' what game God's playin', but it's goin' the whole nine yards."

Previously

( Stiles is quiet, in the aftermath. )

Title: we dance the best we know (3)
Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Kate Seredy
Warnings: Goes AU during Letharia Vulpina, and AUish for everything that came before. Talk of death and violence.
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 985
Point of view: third
Prompt: Any, any,
Delicate in every way but one (the swordplay)
God knows we like archaic kinds of fun (the old way)
Chance is the only game I play with, baby
We let our battles choose us
- 'Glory and Gore' by Lorde

( The next thing that comes to town is an alpha werewolf after Peter. )

Continues here

Title: tell me I was dreaming
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: spoilers through 3.20; character death
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 610
Point of view: third
Note: While watching Echo House for the first (and only, so far) time, it occurred to me that Stiles could be the major character death we keep hearing about because the bite can kill. I mentioned it to my little sister, also watching with me, and then said I’d probably be writing that happening. She forbade me.

Clearly, I didn’t listen. *shrugs*

( If it doesn’t kill you, and it could… )

Title: dragon’s breath
Original, 3050 words
PG, gen
Prompt: Author's Choice, any, I want a pet dragon. I don't care how much fire it breathes!
Note: yes, it’s a Star Wars reference. *sporfle*
Another note: a part of me really wants to flesh this out. I wrote it in about two hours and it seems like it could become pretty epic.

We’re in one of those stories, she thinks again, wanting to cry. She knows how those stories end.

Well, that instant between 11:59 and midnight has come and gone; I am, therefore, 26. Holy shit.

I wanted a purple birthday cake and

tigremere delivered:

26th 2

So yummy.

Title: Ask me to help you find the wind
Fandom: Harry Potter
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Anderson
Warnings: child abuse, AU, victim blaming by the victim
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 410
Point of view: third
Prompt: Harry Potter, Dudley + Harry, they grew up as best friends, with Dudley trying to help Harry everytime his parents were abusive of him.

( When the letter comes, Harry hands it off to Dudley; his parents don't notice, so later that afternoon, they hide in Dudley's room to read it together. )

Title: with lonely steps to tread the unfounded deep
Fandom: The Hobbit movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Milton
Warnings: mentions of character death, a mother's grief, mourning
Pairing: mostly gen
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 330
Point of view: third
Prompt: Any, Any, Sworn

( She stands at the top of the mountain, staring out at the world. )

Title: let me praise men for eating the apple
Fandom: Greek mythology
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Plath or Levertov or Sexton
Warnings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 100
Point of view: third
Prompt: Greek Myth, Artemis + Athena, sisters

( They go running in the moonlight. )

Title: the reclining dragon
Fandom: Highlander
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: outside pov; future!fic
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 390
Point of view: third
Prompt: author's choice, any, garyuu or garyou (Japanese) - unrecognized genius; an exceptional person hidden among the masses (literally "a reclining dragon")

( This kid - Adamson? Addison? Something that starts with an A - has to question everything. )

Title: the sum of damages done to them
Fandom: Highlander
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Adrienne Rich
Warnings: mentions of minor character death
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 80
Point of view: third
Prompt: any, any, 3 mistakes they've made and the 1 thing everyone except them thinks was a mistake

( Okay, so drinking eighteen barrels of beer and defacing the pyramid was a mistake. )

Title: we dance the best we know
Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV)
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Kate Seredy
Warnings: Goes AU during Letharia Vulpina, and AUish for everything that came before.
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1960
Point of view: third

( Deaton lands next to Kira on the floor. )

Could someone please explain to me how I wrote 3000+ words in two hours, and it was pretty damn complete yet with SO MUCH room for expansion, but I've been working on this other thing for like three weeks, and I just broke 2000 words today?

ALSO: the 3000+ was for fun, so it had no deadline, but this other one is FOR SCHOOL and needs to be mostly done by Wednesday, and I really don't see that happening since it keeps GETTING LONGER.

So there I am sitting in Coffee Call with

tigremere, thinking about what’s going on in Kansas when I say, “You know what’s funny? If Jesus were to suddenly appear, it wouldn’t be the Conservatives he’d hang out with.”

tigremere replies, “Throw the moneychangers out of the Temple. He’d call them all prigs and go hang out at the AIDS clinic.”

Then I explain to her what’s going on in Kansas, since she avoids the news as much as I do (and I only know about it because of tumblr) and she snorts, saying, “That’s Christian.”

Which reminded me about the policy at my old high-school: pregnant girls were kicked out, end of story. So I ask, “Hey, how old was Mary when she had Jesus?”

And

tigremere says, “Wasn’t she a teenager?”

Mary, Mother of God, would’ve been kicked out of pretty much all of the ‘Christian’ schools, right?

Gotta love the good ole USA.

(ETA: yay!

For the record, I am so tired of winter. It's weird that we're even having a winter. On Sunday, it stayed around 60F all day and it was so lovely. I actually couldn't wear a jacket because I started sweating! Then the cold moved back in and I am tired of it. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to go to class; I could just curl up in my living room or something. But no. I have to go to class because I'm responsible.

I actually cut my second ever grad school class last Thursday because of the weather: I didn't feel safe walking without an actualfax winter coat, which I didn't have with me. (The first ever grad school class I cut was because I got word that my great-aunt (more like a grandma) had died.)

So, yeah. Winter. I guess I'm finally learning what that actually is. It sucks. For the record.

Title: from her husband’s hand her hand soft she withdrew
Fandom: Avengers movieverse
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Milton
Warnings: spoilers for Thor 2
Pairings: Odin/Frigga
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 345
Point of view: third
Prompt: Any, any, she has waited so long for revenge

( Is it all you wanted, All-Father? )

Title: the longest game
Fandom: Highlander
Disclaimer: not my characters; one line from Tolkien
Warnings: Methos being old
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 115
Point of view: third
Prompt: Highlander, Methos, the long game

( There are many things Kronos, Silas, and Caspian never understood, and that was their downfall. )

Title: if the worst should happen
Fandom: The Hobbit (Jackson films)
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: spoilers for the book/third movie
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 160
Point of view: third
Prompt: Any +/any, they say you can never really go home again...

( Neither of them has ever seen Erebor at its full glory, from the top of the mountain to the deepest mine. )

Title: the power the dark lord knows not (is not love)
Fandom: Harry Potter
Disclaimer: not my characters
Warnings: AU
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 335
Point of view: third
Prompt: Harry Potter, Harry, Dumbledore's plan failed; when Harry arrived at Hogwarts he was not the polite and friendly little boy that everyone expected him to be.

( Harry Potter is a good boy, thank you very much. )

Title: we forgive all those who cannot forget us
Fandom: The Hobbit (Jackson films)
Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Carolyn Kizer
Warnings: character death; violence; spoilers for the book/third movie
Pairings: none
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 90
Point of view: third
Prompt: Any, any, I thought that we'd start over/But I guess I was wrong

(Talking Heads, Nothing But Flowers)

( He stretches for his brother’s hand. )

Hey, y'all, go check out

mahmfic and help her out.

So, I read somewhere on tumblr that the weather is acting drunk - we're having our second snow day in two weeks, and might have a third tomorrow. Yes, the weather has imbibed too much. A lot of roads are closed because people down here have no idea how to drive when the temperature won't rise above freezing all day, and the sky keeps dropping water on us. *sigh*

I spoke to my advisor yesterday. She read over what I have for my presentation for the conference (two weeks away! holy shit!) and said it looked fantastic. That was such a relief to hear. Like, holy shit. I thought it was awful. We really are our own worst critics, aren't we? The whole conference is informal; it's just for graduate students to get their feet wet, basically. Everyone who's presenting are babies. (Including me.) (Definitely me.)

The main problem is that, at the end of last semester, I read two of my poems aloud for part of my final project in one of my classes. I read two of my poems aloud in front of my class. I had never done that before. I'd never read my poetry aloud to anyone. Yes, I've had my little sister and mom read my poetry; of course I have. But I'd never read it to them.

I felt terrified the whole time I was up there. I pretty much got over my public speaking thing in middle school; sometimes, I would have to stop to laugh at the beginning of my presentations, but I didn't fear them. But I spent most of December and January in a sort of bone-deep dread at the thought of this conference, which I only submitted to because my advisor told me that I should. I didn’t expect them to actually accept my proposal, but since this is a conference for baby grad students, they probably accept every proposal, you know?

I’m not reading my poetry this time, of course. I’ll be talking about what I plan to do for my thesis, and I am excited about that. I lost my give-a-damn sometime at the beginning of December; the break between semesters was so short, and I didn’t get any of my planned work done because I just didn’t give a shit, at all. But I think I’m starting to care again.

It’s just… sometimes, I’m glad to be an adult. I’m in grad school. I’m editing reports that affect things. I’m living in my own apartment and paying my own bills. I turn 26 in a month. (Like, actually a month since I don’t have a birthday this year.) I spent all of last summer working 45 hours a week, and this upcoming summer, I’m going to interview old people about their lives and history with reading.

But also, a large part of the time, I want to crawl back to kindergarten. I lay awake at night wondering what the fuck I’m doing in grad school, what the fuck I’m going to do after it, what the fuck I’m doing at all. Is all of adulthood like that? How does anyone ever get anything done?

When she was my age, my mom already had me. And the career she’s been working at her entire life. I really should stop comparing myself her (which I’ve been doing since I was 18). I always come up short. *sigh*

I guess… I think I’m mostly happy. Sometimes, I want to run away, or just curl up on my bed and not move, or get into some sort of horrible accident so that I don’t have to make any decisions for myself – but mostly, I wake up in the mornings happy. So that’s good.

Anyway. This post started out in a good place, and then I seemed to meander somewhere not so good. Oops. So, here, have a poem:

Roses are red.
Violets are purple
(which is the best color, you know)
The weather outside is fucked up, dude.
How are you?

*sporfle*

ETA: yes, tomorrow will also be a snow day.

And I've realized that I've been functioning at a low-level stage of misery since last summer because my head always hurts.

screaming loud enough to turn back the wind

i'm awake, and i'm young, and i'm alive

kicks technology

grad school woes pt 2

grad school woes

Teen Wolf rainbow drabbles

squee

Captain America 2

update

comment_fic: 867-871: original, TW, mythology

comment_fic 862-866: Tolkein, Glee, SN. TW

Teen Wolf fic - tell me I was dreaming - PG, AU, character death

comment_fic 861: original

it tasted purple, too

comment_fic 856-860: HP, Hobbit, myth, HL

Teen Wolf fic - we dance the best we know (AU, PG)

headdesk

sigh

shivers

comment_fic 851-855: Avengers, HL, Hobbit, HP

reblog

update

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