screaming loud enough to turn back the wind

My cousin's apartment: complete loss, almost nothing salvageable (living with her sister)

My uncle's house: waist-high water, not much salvageable (living with his stepdaughter)

My aunt's house: knee-high water, not much salvageable (living with my parents)

My sister's house: knee-high water, not much salvageable (living with her stepdaughter)

My uncle has lost two cars, my aunt has lost two cars, my sister has lost her car. My cousin who got no water in his house but was trapped by water on the roads has lost one car. Because my little sister and her husband moved their cars onto the median at their apartment complex, their vehicles were fine, though others in the complex weren't so lucky. Some schools didn't reopen 'til this week, some won't 'til next or the week after. Some kids are being bused in from over an hour away because their entire neighborhood or city or parish went underwater. Some people in my class are living in hotels because their house is being gutted and nothing could be saved.

I just scrolled through my flood tag on tumblr, which was a mistake.

My mom asked me to go through the box my aunt had of her kids' school things from kindergarten and first grade, and I almost broke down twice doing it. (Hence that poem from very early this morning.) I think of everything I've saved since I began writing, how scattered around it is - my parents are both packrats, so there are lots of things. My big sister lost most of her pictures from when she was little, stuff that has survived hurricanes (because she's had to evacuate twice before).

And now there's storms that everyone is watching, and it keeps raining every day.

Title: when their hands were small
Written: August 30, 2016



This is how memory works:

You save the things they make when their hands are small,
their first shaky handwriting, their handprints,
fill in the blank, connect the dots, color in the lines (or not).
You put it all in a filebox and you save it as they grow and grow,
until they’re taller than you,
until they look like men even though they’re still boys.
You save it as they grow past you,
as they take their first steps out in the world without you.
You save the things their hands made when they were little
and still looked up to you.
You save it
and you save it
and you save it.
Maybe you pull it out now and again
and you look at what they once were,
so young, so small.
You save it in a filebox.

And then the water comes.
It leaks in, it drowns the things they made.
You still have them and a filebox full of dirty river water.

I went through it for you.
I saved what I could.
So much of it was ruined.
I couldn’t even tell what it had been.
It bled and it tore, and I peeled it apart,
and I looked at the things their hands made when they were young.
And I’m sorry.

You saved it.
They’re so big now.
They don’t even remember making it.
But you remember when they brought it home
and you saved it and you put it in a filebox,
and the water rushed in.
I’m sorry.

But here’s what I could salvage.
And even though so much of it is gone,
you still have them, and you have the memories
of the things they made when their hands were small.

I'm watching The Walking Dead for the first time as research for a thing I need to write, and oh my god, Daryl Dixon is AWESOME. He's my favorite, and then Glenne, and wow, Bella from Supernatural is cool in this, and I keep researching to find out what happens to characters (HOLY SHIT), and this IS NOT a show I should be watching by myself.

Every time I think about the fact that Louisiana created a pet evacuation plan because so many people refused to leave without their animals during Katrina, I tear up.

My aunt has cellphone video almost exactly like this. She played it for me and it was horrifying.

One interstate exit away from my parents' place on Sunday. (taken by DOTD)




Literally across the interstate from my parents' place and lilsis' apt on Sunday. (taken by brother in law)




Update: aunt and uncle's houses pretty much a total loss. bigsis can salvage some things. it's supposed to rain every day this week and while around here is drying out, the flood is moving on to other places so it's still an ongoing nightmare beyond imagination.

Four adults in a two bedroom apartment with 1 bed and 1 bathroom, a cat, and a dog: not fun.

However, throughout this entire catastrophe, I have known almost the whole time where everyone in my family is, and they've always been safe. So, I'm thankful for that.

My older sister just posted video from my parents' house and there is WATER AT THE END OF THE STREET. OH MY GOD.

So, my entire life, I’ve known that my mother chose my childhood home, the one she’s lived in for almost 30 years, because it is high ground. If the street I used to ride my bike down floods, the entirety of the city is underwater.

So far, only three homes in my family haven’t taken on any water: my parents’ place, my little sister’s apartment complex (she lives on the 3rd floor), and my apartment complex. Part of my family has evacuated on their own; some are awaiting rescue because they cannot get out. One of them has taken on water but is hunkering down - hopefully, it’ll recede before they need to be rescued.

This is so insane. I haven’t gotten a real picture in person of what’s happening because the area I’m in, for some reason, it’s all mostly been normal. My little sister was released early from work today because if she’d stayed any longer, there would’ve been no way home. I look at the photos and the videos, and I recognize where they are. I’ve been there before, sometimes very often.

I remember Katrina. Other storms. Gustav - fucking Gustav. But this is something else.
If praying is something you do, please pray for my older sister, and my uncle and cousins, and my aunt. They’re waiting for someone with a boat and it’s so fucking devastating, what’s happening. There’s no way to prepare for something like this.

"Historic" rainfall, "historic" river levels, "500 year storm," "a storm that would have a name if it formed over water" instead of land -- I listened to the radio on the way home from my parents' place and I just want to cry. This is fucking terrifying. It's a hurricane that's parked over us and most of the city is shut down. Whole parishes are being evacuated, I heard.

IT WOULD HAVE A NAME if it formed over water. Fucking hell.